Let Me Love You
by StormageddonDarkLadyOfAll
Summary: 'For five minutes, I'm just boring Clary Morgenstern, the unnoticed, unneeded, boring little redhead no one pays attention to- the girl whose secrets are safe. But then the classroom door opens and angel boy steps in, effectively starting the upside-down-isation of my life.' Clary has secrets no one can know but the new boy won't back off. What happens when love uncovers secrets?
1. Let Me Introduce Myself

**A/N: Hey guys! First TMI so be nice. To all those reading Stay With Me- HP fic- don't panic, that's still my main focus. I just finished watching the first season of Shadowhunters so HAD to write something. Wasn't that fond of Clary or Jace, to be perfectly honest, but the Malec was adorable, if a bit out of sync, so hopefully they continue.**

 **This one is fairly dark, may be a bit OOC, done in first-person, alternate POV's. Please let me know what you think.**

 **Have fun, say hi, review! Please?**

* * *

 **Clary's POV**

There are some days when my crappy life isn't so crappy. But there are some days when I pray to get hit by a bus or a train or a freaking meteor just so I can escape the terrors of stepping through my disgustingly false, cheerfully-coloured front door. Today is one of the crappier days.

It's easy to know when a day is going to end with screaming and pain. It's a simple equation: if Mum makes pancakes and Dad eats them while reading the newspaper, there's nothing to worry about. If Mum is crying at the same time as cooking bacon, eggs, toast and sausages while Dad watches her with suspicious, glaring eyes, we're basically screwed.

As I enter into the dining room and mutter a careful 'good morning', I sit down at the table and lower my head, allowing my wild, red hair to cover my face like a curtain, my only protection from what's coming.

The silence is heavy and deafening. I know that something will happen and the bomb will explode. I try to curve in on myself so I'm a smaller target. I know that someone is looking at me, probably Mum, trying to convey some message I've seen too many times: 'Don't say a word, don't do a thing, and don't set him off.'

The silence continues to the point where it's unbearable but still, I don't say a word. My mum walks behind me to place a plate of food in front of me and I start cutting into it numbly, my cutlery scraping lightly against the plate and I quickly try to minimise the noise. Keeping my head down, I peek upwards through my hair at my mother who is carefully spooning out fluffy scrambled eggs onto lightly grilled toast. My eyes shift momentarily over to my father who is looking over at me. Dropping my eyes back to my plate, I shovel more food into my mouth, not tasting it at all.

I can feel the tension like a scolding hot fog as Mum settles the plate of perfect-looking food in front of my father. I hold my breath, my fork frozen half way between the plate and my mouth. Mum quickly moves over to the sink and immediately starts washing the dishes, not eating anything or sitting down at the table with us. There is a split second of silence in which I beg the deity I'm not sure I believe in to please let it be enough, let this one time be quiet and peaceful.

Please, God, don't let him hit me and my mother again.

But then the second shatters into a crash of noise as my father throws the plate of food at the wall with a roar, the plate shattering into jagged pieces of crockery. Mum spins around, her eyes terrified as she stares at my father like a rabbit caught in the headlights of an oncoming car.

"What the fuck is this?! Are you trying to kill me, you worthless bitch?!" Dad screams, and I wish I could cover my ears but I know moving will only make it worse.

I look down at my plate, hoping against hope that he will only scream at her. Mum is already sobbing, shaking her head as she moves towards my father.

"I'm sorry, Val, I'm sorry! Please, I didn't-" Mum begs and I wince, knowing now that I can't possibly stop this.

"You useless whore! You think you're so much better than me with your fucking art and your fucking friends and you can't even cook an edible meal! You useless, disgusting, pathetic waste of fucking space!" I need to run, I need to get out of here, but I can't. I'm rooted to the spot.

"Please stop, Val. I'm sorry. I'll try again." I can't bear the defeat in her voice. She believes everything my father says.

"You do not give me orders! I am the man of this house! You will respect me when I talk to you!"

And his hand flies, connecting with her cheek with a sickening snap. A whimper escapes me and I slap my hand over my mouth, hoping to Buddha or Ganesh or dear sweet baby Jesus that my father did not hear me, but then his head whips around and his blazing black eyes connect with mine. I can feel his burning hatred in his glaring eyes as they connect with mine and my head drops again, trying in vain to appease him.

He stalks over to me and grabs a hold of my pyjama top, pulling me out of my seat. He pushes me down to the ground and I fall heavily to the floor, letting out a cry of pain as I feel something in my wrist give way. I don't have time to focus on it though before his foot collides with my stomach and cover my head with my arms, trying not to scream as his kicks land all over my torso.

"You will respect me! You useless pig, you ungrateful little bitch!"

The words hit me worse than his blows. I believe him, every word he says and everything he calls me: useless, stupid, pathetic, worthless, disgusting. Pathetic.

Always pathetic, always useless.

Unwanted. Unloved.

Unlovable.

* * *

Sometime after that, I don't know when, it stops. He's gone, left to go do whatever he does, while we are left to pick up the pieces. Mum crawls over to me and carefully hugs me, making sure not to squeeze too hard. She apologises and pleads, telling me it's all going to be okay. I don't believe her.

Looking up into her teary face, I feel oddly and blessedly numb. I close my eyes and stand up, surprised that I can, and move to the bathroom. I check my face and apply makeup to the newly forming bruises blossoming on my face, neck and collarbones. I then go into my room and pick out some jeans, a T-shirt and a high-necked jumper, feeling relieved that the weather warrants it. I make sure I have all my homework in my bag and then head out to the dining room where my mother is still crying on the floor.

"Mum?" I ask softly, knowing I can't help her even if I do stay so there's no point. She looks up at me blankly. "I'm going to school." Mum shakes her head softly and slowly stands up, bending down slightly to hug me again.

"Are you sure?" She asks me seriously, but she already knows the answer. I nod against her neck. "Well, alright then." She replies. Breaking away, she cups my left cheek in her hands, wiping her thumb across my cheekbone. "I love you Clary. Have a good day at school."

I try not to let the words affect me, but in my crappy existence, there is no such thing as a 'good day'. I try my best to paste on a smile, but even without seeing it, I can tell it's more of a grimace. Hitching my backpack higher on my shoulder and ignoring the painful twinges in my ribs for doing so, I step to the door and start walking towards school.

It takes me a little longer than usual to get to school because of how careful I'm walking. I don't want to aggravate my ribs too much. As I walk, I try to assess how much damage I've received. It feels like I've broken my wrist- but that's okay, I've done that before and the wrist that is broken is not my dominant hand so I can hide it- and I've bruised most of the ribs on my left side. The bit that may be difficult to hide is the throbbing in my chest and how difficult it is to breathe. The moment I move my torso, my whole body explodes in fire and it's nearly impossible to draw breath. I make a mental note not to breathe too deeply and I hope with everything that I have that his kicks have not caused my ribs to penetrate my lungs again.

Walking through the school gates, I search again for the smile that is so hard to find these days. It's near impossible but I somehow find a bad copy of it and paste it on, allowing all the people at school who don't give a crap to continue thinking my life is just like theirs. I envy all of them.

Keeping my head down, I walk to my locker and deposit my bag there, grabbing my books for my first class. I hurry down the hall and towards homeroom, sit in through roll call and the morning announcements then rush through to history. I've never been a big fan of this lesson, but today I need to distract myself from the pain pulsing up and down my ribs and chest and right now, anything will do.

I enter the classroom behind a group of pretty girls who pay me no mind and take my seat behind another pretty girl who pays me no mind. The class starts and I jot down unnecessary notes and for five minutes, I'm just boring Clary Morgenstern, the unnoticed, unneeded, boring little redhead no one pays attention to- the girl whose secrets are safe.

But then the classroom door opens and angel boy steps in, effectively starting the upside-down-isation of my life.

* * *

 **Jace's POV**

Basically, I don't like history. Never have, never will. It's just not interesting to me. Yes, shit happened, but shit happens all the time. Learn from it, move on, but don't make poor innocent children sit through two hours a week worth of monotonous droning about some event that happened to some person hundreds of years ago. That's just child abuse.

I amble into my first history class at this new school and am not surprised when I see ninety five per cent of the students looking monumentally bored. I clear my throat as I step in, hoping to get the attention of the teacher standing by the white board writing out dates and names in crabby handwriting. The pudgy, balding man in an old, itchy-looking coat and glasses looks irritated to be interrupted, glaring over at me as I try to smile politely, but I don't think it works as the teacher just huffs and gives me a pointed, expectant stare.

"I'm Jace Lightwood; I've just started today." I hint. The teacher's expression clears but he still looks grumpy.

"Ah, yes, Mister Lightwood, I was told you would be in today." He confirms and I fight back a smirk, not wanting to be dubbed as the kid with the bad attitude. Again. "I'm Mr Starkweather. Please take a seat where you can find it and try to catch up." Being dismissed so abruptly stuns me for a second, but then I shrug and turn my attention to the class, trying to find a spot to sit.

There are only a few options, most of which are not appealing. Two of the empty seats are next to bored looking guys who look like they haven't had a shower in a month, one of them is next to a moderately attractive, boring little cliché, gazing over at me with an annoying, flirtatious smirk, and the last spot is next to a demure little redhead who catches my attention and holds it.

Shrugging my bag off while I walk over to my chosen place, I sit down at the chair next to the redhead and pull out my history textbook. Subtly, she pushes her own textbook on an angle so I can see which page we are on. I flip my textbook open to the correct page and grin at the cartoon of an ancient Roman battle printed in the book. The redhead looks over at me, raises one eyebrow at my expression, then rolls her eyes and looks back at the whiteboard. I like her already.

The class passes fairly quietly after that. My eyes unwillingly keep going towards the redhead next to me, but her own guarded, green eyes stay focused on the whiteboard, her right hand quickly jotting down study notes in careful, concise lines of neat script. When the bell goes to signify the end of class, she closes all her books, stacking them all up and placing her small pencil case on top of her stack. Before she starts to leave, I quickly hold out my dominant, left hand and grin at her.

"We didn't have time before so let me introduce myself: I'm Jace Lightwood." I greet. Her green eyes travel from my face to my outstretched hand. She seems to have to summon a certain amount of courage before shaking my hand, wincing painfully as she does so. I frown at her.

"Clary Morgenstern." She replies through slightly gritted teeth.

"You alright?" I inquire. I notice that the smile she tries to give me is entirely bogus.

"Yeah, I just fell over this morning on the way to school. Think I sprained my wrist. Nothing major." Dropping her injured arm to her side, she hoists her books higher on her hip and shakes the hair out of her eyes. "So, you're new?"

"Yeah, my parents move around a lot for work and this is just where we ended up." I shrug non-committedly. "Better than Texas I guess. If we had moved there, I would have felt obligated to buy a chainsaw."

"Whereas here you just need to buy lots and lots of shoes." Clary tells me, just as sarcastic as me.

"First world problems, right?" Rolling her eyes at my tone, she nods wisely.

"What's your next class?" She inquires her eyes still flat and guarded. I look down at the timetable in my stack of books and papers.

"Biology." I state, my tone whiny. "Because apparently, knowing how things are made up of several other things is interesting or something." One side of Clary's mouth turns upwards, an almost smile.

"I'm at chemistry, right across the hall. I'll walk you if you'd like." She offers.

"Sounds great, thanks."

We stop at her locker so she can pick out her chemistry books then continue down the hall, make three rights and a left and find ourselves in the science part of the school. Clary gestures towards one of the rooms on the left hand side of the corridor and I see a door with a sign above the window declaring it the 'biology lab'.

When Clary starts turning towards the chemistry lab on the other side of the hall, I reach out a hand and tap her shoulder. She turns back to look at me, frowning.

"I don't want to sound like a walking cliché or anything but new guy, don't know anybody; do you want to sit with me at lunch?" I track the emotions as they dance across her face: shock, disbelief, wariness and finally settling on grudging amusement.

"If you're so desperate for company you want to hang out with me," She replies in a voice that just drips with guardedness and cynicism. "Sure you can sit with me." I smirk to myself as she turns and heads into class.

Oh yeah: I definitely like this girl.

* * *

 **A/N: So, thoughts? Let me know. Stay With Me will be updated by Sunday. Hopefully. Next season of Game Of Thrones is out in a few days so that might distract me. Anyway, drop me a review if you can.**

 **Love Stormy xoxo**


	2. Let Me Explain Something

**Disclaimer: I am not Cassandra Clare. If I was, I would be older, wiser and infinitely more awesome.**

 **A/N: Hey guys, this is the second chapter, sorry it's taken so long. The next chapter should not be as far away as I'm already half way through it. It just sort of... happened.**

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 **Absolutely wonderful to hear some feedback.**

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 **Have fun, say hi, enjoy, REVIEWW!**

* * *

Clary's POV

School for me is very simple. There are people who never talk to me, people _I_ never talk to and there are people who I call 'careful friends'. We sit together, have lunch, a couple of them have even been known to hug me on occasion, but I never see them outside school and I never tell them anything about my family and they never ask.

As I walk towards our usual spot at the table beneath the leafy tree in the outside sitting area, I can't help but be continually shocked at the hodgepodge of misfits we've assembled together. Magnus Bane with all his glittery fabulousness, Catarina Loss with her blue hair and steady gaze, Simon Lewis with his dorky glasses and Star Wars T-shirts, Ragnor Fell with his calculating green eyes and mischievous smile, Sophie Collins with her wise input and scarred face, Maia Roberts with her rocker look and ready grin, Jordan Kyle with his eyes firmly locked on Maia, and a few other people who haven't showed up today.

Finding a tiny space between Simon and Magnus, I take the half-a-sandwich Cat silently passes to me and send a thankful glance her way before falling into the conversation. I find the topic odd for a minute, before realising that this is our group and of course we would be comparing cats because of obvious reasons I will come up with later.

"Church has an attitude." Sophie explains.

"Well, Yossarian can tell time." Simon brags.

"Just because your otherwise irritating cat has learned when you will feed him does not mean that he has mastered the ancient art of telling time." Ragnor scoffs, rolling his eyes.

"Chairman Meow has very reflective eyes which mean I can cheat when I'm playing poker." Magnus tells everybody casually.

There is a moment of tense, wary silence before suddenly, Ragnor and Jordon leap up yelling while Cat, Sophie and Maia crack up laughing. At some point, Ragnor grabs various foodstuffs and starts pelting them all at Magnus, yelling obscenities while Magnus covers his head with his ring-clad hands. Cat keeps laughing and pushes Ragnor down, trying to be stern through her laughter. Maia does the same with Jordon. Sophie just keeps laughing.

"Be honest with me, biscuit," Magnus instructs me, staring at me with serious eyes. "How is my hair?" I look up at the hair in question and make a judgement.

"You may or may not have a few sprinkles in it now." I inform him.

"Does it enhance the overall fabulousness or should I attend to it immediately?"

"I think you look fine. Gives you a bit of panache."

"Good." Magnus summarises, turning towards an oncoming group of people. "Because there is a delectable little mouthful over there that I _must_ talk to." I look over at where his eyes have travelled to and instantly freeze.

Jace Lightwood- or angel boy as I've been referring to him in my head- is sauntering over with the irritating yet lovable people who, up till now, had not shown their faces to us.

"Who is that?" Magnus inquires of no one in particular.

"Jace Lightwood." I reply without thinking and try extremely hard not to notice the disgruntled expression Simon sends my way.

"No, not the obvious one. The stunning blue-eyed beauty." Ragnor raises an elegant eyebrow at our star-struck friend.

"William Herondale, of course. Magnus, are you feeling alright?" Catarina sounds concerned, quickly reaching over to check his temperature. He grumpily bats her hand away.

"No, none of you are listening, not the obvious one, not that cocky, oh-so-perfect-and-funny bastard I've known since kindergarten. I'm talking about the adorable-yet-beautiful boy in the back."

As one, we all turn to where Magnus is gesturing with his head. My eyes are drawn to the exquisite girl of the group first, the one who is obviously very comfortable in her body, wearing an absurdly small amount of clothes considering the weather, with perfect hair and perfect make-up and a lovely, high, musical laugh I can hear from where we sit, but then my eyes shift to the boy next to her, clearly her brother, his hands in his pockets and his head down low like he doesn't want to be seen. Magnus doesn't seem to notice the holes in the boy's jeans or the scuffed sneakers or his total lack of any colour whatsoever. My normally regal and distant friend is staring, completely enamoured by this unassuming new kid.

When I turn to share a look with Cat, I spot Ragnor looking between Magnus and the boy with deviously amused interest, and I wonder what he's thinking. He must be able to sense me looking at him because he glances over at me and winks before going back to his assessment.

"That's Alexander Lightwood, Gideon's cousin." Sophie unexpectedly pipes in. "I've met him a few times. He's a very sweet boy once you get past the surliness." I turn towards Simon.

"Was it just me or was that an interestingly contradictory sentence?"

"I noticed that too." Simon confirms, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

The cheerful group is still heading our way and I hug my arms across my stomach, wincing as it becomes about fifty-seven times more difficult to breathe. I take short, stunted gasps, trying to make sure nobody really notices. Luckily, I am saved having to talk by the amount of people that stop just in front of our table and start chatting.

"Hey guys," Tessa Grey begins, looking sensible in her pale blue, long sleeved top and jeans, her brown hair tied up in a neat ponytail. "Have you met the new people?" She gestures to the three new kids and Magnus carefully leans back in his seat, assuming a pose of indifference that looks too practised to be natural. I roll my eyes in his direction. "This is Isabelle, Alec and Jace Lightwood. Guys, this is Catarina, Ragnor, Magnus, Simon, Maia, Jordon, Sophie and Clary."

"You do realise I will never remember those name, right Tessa?" The beautiful girl, Isabelle asks good-naturedly.

Tessa waves the comment away, sitting in front of Sophie's knees and fiddling with the hem of her top. Sophie immediately pulls Tessa's hair out of its ponytail and starts fidgeting with it, beginning to braid it away from her face in intricate patterns. For a moment I envy them: Sophie and Tessa have always had a sort of effortless friendship. They're so comfortable with each other, know each other's secrets and have each other's backs. I wish that I could have a normal friendship with someone like that, one where I can be entirely comfortable with a person and not have to hide behind half-truths and maybe's. The fact that I can't is irritating, but I grew to live with it a long time ago.

Once Tessa sits down, it's like a domino effect: Will Herondale and Jem Carstairs sit because of Tessa, Cecily, Will's younger sister, sits because of him, Gabriel Lightwood sits because of her, Gideon, Gabriel's older brother, sits because of him, then the three new Lightwood's sit because they have nowhere else to go. Magnus keeps his eyes on Alec, scanning him up and down. Alec looks nervous, tapping his shaking knee with his fingers as he sits cross-legged on the grass, keeping his head, and his apparently stunning blue eyes, cast down.

I don't really know what to say to Jace as he sits in front of me, leaning back on his hands with his legs outstretched. It occurs to me that I'd like to draw him this way, the picture of relaxation. That entire side of the calm spectrum has always been a mystery to me. I've always been too fidgety and tense to be truly comfortable, so when I see someone looking as relaxed as Jace is now, I want to capture it, study it and then maybe figure out how to copy it.

A pale hand waves in front of my face and I jerk away, looking to Simon as he's finally caught my attention.

"Sorry, what?" Breathing a huff of faint annoyance at me, Simon repeats his question.

"I was wondering if you were going to be at the gig on Saturday." I sigh slightly, wishing I could give him the answer he wanted.

" I'm sorry, Simon, but I've got a family thing on that day, and I can't make it." Scowling slightly, Simon crosses his arms over his chest.

"I don't understand you, Clary. I've always been there for you. Just once, can't you be there for me?" He sounds mad and righteously so.

Since we were eight years old, Simon has always been the highest one on my friends list. He's always had my back, always defended me against the people who called me names in school or laughed at me. When Jonathan, my selfish, conceited prick of a brother abandoned me, Simon was there to pick up the pieces. It's not fair that he's stuck with me for a friend. And it's so monumentally unfair that he's convinced himself he has romantic feelings towards me. While his mind is throwing that lie at him, he's only going to drag himself down to my level.

"Look, I'm sorry okay? You have no idea how much I want to go to your gig, Simon. But I just can't, I'm sorry."

"What lie is it this time, huh? Some relative dying? Some important gathering of all the mighty Morgenstern's? Because I've got to tell you, Clary: I am damn sick of your excuses." Now that his voice is raised, everyone is looking over at us. I try to shrink more into my seat but my screaming ribs won't let me. I try to keep my face blank, I really do, but I feel unwelcome tears spring to my eyes. I wish he didn't have to be hurt, but he is hurt and it's my fault. It's all my fault. I try to grab his hand but he shrugs me off.

"Simon, I don't mean to hurt you." I try to tell him.

"Well, either you are lying or you're just an idiot. Let me explain something to you: you can't continue being such a selfish bitch without hurting anyone!" My mouth opens on a gasp of complete shock and I stare incredulously at Simon. He glares back at me, his eyes enormous and burning behind his glasses.

"Simon!" Stunningly, it is quiet, normally even-tempered Jem who spoke up in my defence. "I really think you should take a walk." Simon pivots quickly, turning his glare to Jem who stares back at him steadily.

It's tense for only a few moments before Jordan stands up and grabs a hold of Simon's jacket, pulling him up and away from our table. The quiet that follows is directly aimed at me. It's like I can feel it creeping towards me from every set of eyes pointed in my direction.

"You alright, biscuit?" Magnus asks kindly. I don't want his kindness. I want to be left alone so I can't hurt anybody else.

"I'm fine." I grind out, not looking at him.

"Clary-"

"I said I'm fine!" I say in a firmer tone. I stand up quickly, still not looking at anyone. "I've got to go. I'll see you guys later." I turn away and start heading towards the library, my only escape when my almost-friends start getting too close.

* * *

Jace's POV

As I watch Clary walk away, I am almost speechless by the amount of hurt and sadness I saw in her eyes just then. Almost.

"Well, that was awkward." I mention cheerfully. "Was that a onetime thing or should I bring popcorn to school tomorrow, just in case?"

"Jace." The reproachful use of my name from Will surprises me. He's never serious. He's more sarcastic than I am. "Leave it alone." I frown at my friend before rolling to my feet.

"I'll be off then. Lovely meeting you guys. In fact, it was so lovely; I'll even try to remember your names." Without another word, I head in the direction Clary did.

I don't know why I do it. It's like I'm being pulled there by some sort of invisible, bossy cord. As I walk through the school- it's a nice enough school I suppose, bog standard really, with uninspiring brick facilities and large open areas- I keep a lookout for the odd little redhead. From what I saw in class, she has a sort of distant, stand-offish persona but at the same time, I could see how hurt she was when her friend yelled at her, and I could see how much she cared, even though she tried to hide it. Frankly, I don't think she fooled anyone.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spot a mess of red and turn towards the colour then smirk to myself as I congratulate my fantastic peripheral vision on its general awesomeness. Opening the door to the library, I move towards the table she's sitting at, completely preoccupied by the sketching she's doing.

"Hey midget." I greet and Clary jumps about three inches in the air with a cute little squeak. When she spots me, she sends me a glare that could freeze lava. Thank God I am ridiculously hot anyway.

"Hey mutant." She hisses looking royally pissed off. She's adorable when she's angry. I grin in her general direction, not fussed.

"I have a question." Dropping her pencil exasperatedly, she drops her head in her hands. I take that as permission to continue. "Why do you hang out with people if you don't like people anyway?" Raising her head from her hands, she quirks up an eyebrow at me.

"What makes you think I don't like people?"

"Well, you're extremely attitude-y." Clary frowns, her eyes grudgingly amused.

"Is that a word?"

"Well, I just invented it. And I am Shakespeare reincarnated so I can do that." She blinks a few times.

"What is it like living in that head?"

"Crowded." I reply quickly to her mocking tones. "There are quite a few voices. Some of them sexy, others… not so much."

There is a second of silence during which time, she stares at me in shock. But, ever so slowly, the corners of her mouth tilt upwards and she chuckles loosely. Shaking her head, she looks around the library and then back to me.

"Okay," She pronounces. "I get it."

"Get what?"

She jerks her head back to the library and I turn in the direction she gestured. Five sets of eyes quickly turn away, making it blatantly obvious that they were looking in our direction.

"Oh yeah, that." I say, turning back to her. "I am stunningly attractive."

"Really?" Clary deadpans, her eyes giving me a quick once over. I smirk at her boldness. "I don't see it." My smirk freezes as she grins at me. Just as I'm about to say something, the bells ring, signalling the start of the next class. Collecting her books and pens from the table, Clary stands and winks at me. "See you later, Jace."

I watch her walk away, a little spring to her step as she exits the library and turns a corner. I stand slowly as well and follow the herd out of the library, chuckling lowly to myself.

Game on, Clary. Game on.

* * *

 **A/N: So what did you's think of this chapter? Drop me a line if you can and let me know.\**

 **Peace love and joy,**

 **Love Stormy. xoxo**


	3. Let Me Clarify

**Disclaimer: I do not own TMI, or any other thing written by Cassandra Clare. Know why? Because I am not Cassandra Clare. Sorry to disappoint.**

 **A/N: A new chapter! Within three days. See this is what happens when I get reviews! Speaking of...**

 **Thank you to:**

1972Chevy, Draco's Lover228, FigsVsNewton, NERDAnnie, didnotthinkofthat, **and** djmia **f** **or following,**

.22 **and** 1972Chevy **for favouriting**

 **And** reppinda5o3, Guest, FigsVsNewton, .22, citrusunicorn, PoisonousWhiteRose **and** Rangatron5001 **for reviewing since last chapter, and thank you especially to the people who reviewed both chapters! I love you. Oh, and PoisonousWhiteRose, thanks for the tip, I'll keep that under advisement and slow it down a bit... after this chapter. Sorry, it's needed for the plot but the next one will be more character-development based.**

 **Anyway, I'll let you get to it and please tell me what you think.**

 **Enjoy, have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

* * *

Clary's POV

'That was stupid!' I yell at myself on the walk home. 'That was so stupid!'

What had I been thinking? After years of being careful, never letting anybody too close, I go and _wink_ at some boy I had met _that day_? Winking? What the hell is wrong with me? Next thing I know I'll be flirting. Or worse.

They can't get too close. They'll find out. It has to be just me- just me and Mum. We're the only ones who can know. No one else would understand. They would tell us we have to leave. They won't realise that we have nowhere else to go. Without my father, we'd be homeless.

Shaking my head, I walk through our front door and quickly move towards my room, but a voice calls me into the lounge room. A voice I both fear and hate. I drop my bag by the stairs and go to the lounge room, standing in front of my father with my head down.

"You're late again Clarissa. You know how I hate tardiness." He growls.

"Yes sir. I'm sorry sir." I reply quickly.

"I am the man of this house, Clarissa, and you must show me the respect I deserve. I provide you with food and a roof over your head. All I expect from you is respect and obedience."

"Yes sir."

"When I tell you to be home at a certain time, I expect to be obeyed. That does not mean you may stay out until it pleases you, Clarissa. Disobedience requires punishment." Terrified, I look up into his coal black eyes, and see the faint gleam of triumph in them when he notices my reaction. I quickly drop my head again

"Yes sir."

"I will only give you a warning this time, but if you disobey me again, you will be punished."

"Yes sir. Thank you sir." Pleased with my answer, my father dismisses me and I hurry up to my room.

Getting started on my homework, I try to ignore the twinges in my chest as my nervous hyperventilation aggravates my sore ribs.

* * *

That night I stay huddled in my room until 2am, knowing that if I surface, my father would unleash on me as well. From what I heard, my father has been yelling and screaming at my mother since she got home from work, along with beating her. I try desperately not to imagine what he's actually doing to her.

When finally I hear even, deep breathing in the room next to mine, I slip out and try to find something to eat. I quickly make myself a sandwich and pour myself some juice. When I go to put the bottle of juice back, I notice three small specks of blood on the refrigerator door and I quickly find a wet cloth to clean it up. I pray it was just a nosebleed. In the first few days after my arsehole brother left, my father had developed a penchant for knives, and I pray he hasn't gone back to his old ways.

I sit at our family's old dining room table and hold my head in my hands, trying not to think. And at some point during the long night, I fall asleep there.

* * *

I am awakened by someone urgently shaking my shoulder. Blinking quickly and glancing nervously around, I see my mother anxiously endeavouring to wake me up. I wince as I look at her face- her swollen cheekbones, her black eyes, her cut lips and her chipped front tooth.

"Mum?" I ask, concerned.

"I think you'd better go to school early this morning, Clary." My mother tells me. I frown at her, raising my head.

"What time is it?"

"It's almost six-thirty. I've got your bag and your homework here for you. And I packed some lunch for you as well."

"But Mum, school is hours away. And what about you?"

"I know it is Clary, but I really think you should go."

"But what about you?" My mother smiles sadly and I want to cry for her.

"I'll be fine. But you need to head off now. Really. I'm not sure how…" She trails off but she doesn't have to finish her sentence.

"Mum, did he-"

"You don't have to worry about me Clary, I promise. I'm totally fine." I peer scornfully at her broken face. "This was nothing I didn't deserve." She explains.

"Oh Mummy…" I start, but she stops me by raising her hand.

"Please don't worry, Clary. Just go to school. Learn something for me, okay?"

Pushing back my tears, I nod and stand up, picking up my bag as she hands it to me. I try not to notice her swelling arm or how she doesn't fully straighten her back or how her leg is at an odd angle. Turning away without saying a word, I start heading to school, refusing to think about how broken my mother looked as I left.

* * *

I have to wait hours before people start turning up at school. I watch from the outside as people greet each other with smiles and hugs and handshakes and friendly, excited greetings. I wish I could be as unguarded as them. I wish I could let people in as easily, wish I could be as unwary with them as I want to be, but there is no way.

And so I watch, my back against the cool brick wall, as my school mates and class mates and could-be friends interact. I watch as their lives become more complex, as their time becomes sunnier, and I watch as my own life slips through my fingers.

* * *

Jace's POV

There is a kind of jungle-istic quality to the schoolyard if you pay attention. There are the loud ones, trumpeting around, demanding attention, the long-necked, nosy ones asking for gossip, the taunting, jeering scavengers on the outside, the quiet, unassuming ones going about their business. It's very simple to figure out which is which- most of the time. Sometimes you'll happen upon a nomad, one that doesn't quite fit in to any group and it is them that are normally the most interesting.

This school, from what I've seen, doesn't have many nomads. Which is good in one respect, but it can also be a bad thing. In the other schools I've been to, the nomads and misfits were able to kind of join together and form a little mini-group, one that was essentially overlooked, but with so few nomads here, that little mini-group would be virtually impossible.

You may be wondering why I'm doing all this philosophical pondering, and there is a simple answer to that question, and the answer is this: It is 8:15 in the morning and I am already bored.

Don't judge me; I have a very short attention span.

As I walk through the school courtyard, noticing all the little animals of the jungle, I can't help but also notice how my siblings are mingling. My sister, Isabel has always been a bit of a social butterfly and Alec, my brother, has always kind of followed her- and my- lead, so it's no surprise to see Isabel chatting to some of the people Tessa introduced us to yesterday, but it is shocking when I see Alec having what seems to be a deep conversation with a bloke who looks like a raccoon had sex with a rainbow unicorn. And that's putting it mildly.

I saunter over- yes, saunter, move on- and try to listen in on their conversation, but Raccoon-unicorn is good, and apparently has peripheral vision to rival mine.

"Something we can help you with, Blondie?" He all but purrs, looking over and smirking at me. I decide that I like him but also not to let him know that.

"Just came over to make sure you're not groping my brother." I turn to see the shocked, bewildered blue eyes of my disturbed brother. "You alright?"

"He wasn't- I mean- He didn't- Jace!" Alec replies, looking slightly put out.

"Oh, so the groping was encouraged? Good for you, Alec. I'll be off then." I turn and walk away quickly, smiling to myself as I hear Alec sputtering behind me.

"Your brother is very into abrupt dismissals, isn't he?" Raccoon-unicorn observes.

"I hate him." Alec sulks and I fight the urge to laugh.

Walking around the school isn't as fun as I hoped. Truth be told, I'm not into the big-group thing. Isabel finds it comforting, Alec finds it simple; I find it suffocating. There are too many eyes, too many opinions, too many people trying to find out secrets. And I have secrets I would prefer stayed secret.

But enough of that, back to my walking.

My walking isn't exactly entertaining but it's probably better than sticking around with my siblings. At least when you're walking, you're not drawing attention to the fact that you're observing. However, standing or sitting still it's inevitable people will notice you noticing them.

Speaking of…

Jesus, Clary really needs some ninja lessons.

She's sitting on a long wooden bench by one of the brick buildings, her arms hugging her legs, resting her chin on her knees. Her blue and green backpack is nestled underneath the bench. From what I can see, she's wearing the same clothes she had on yesterday, blue jeans and a purple, high-necked jumper that looks fluffy and comfy, and her wild, red hair is tied up into a messy ponytail.

It's her eyes though that catches my attention. As her shining green orbs glance haphazardly across the school yard, I spot something in them, some yearning or emotion that I can't quite place. I don't really think as I take a seat next to her. Again, she jumps about three inches in the air, doing that cute little squeak thing. Somewhere between the jumping and the squeaking, she loses grip on her legs and they fall to the ground.

"What the hell, Jace!" She exclaims, looking grumpy.

"Hello to you, too. You were properly zoned out. Do you take lessons for that?" Clary glares over at me, crossing her arms over her chest. She winces slightly and I remember that she said she injured her wrist yesterday.

"Can I help you with something?" She demands indignantly. I grin hugely.

"Yeah, I think your friend… um… um… oh you know, Rainbow-unicorn?" Clary raises her eyebrows at my nickname for him.

"Magnus?"

"Yeah, him," I confirm. "I think he likes my brother."

"Ohohohoh, yeah." She replies, finally sounding amused. "But let me clarify something about Magnus: If he lusts after you, he's basically a dickhead. He'll fuck you seven ways to Sunday and then not even call you afterwards." I find myself shocked at the curse words leaving Clary's rosebud mouth. She smirks at my widened eyes. "However, if he likes you, you're the luckiest person on Earth. He'll treat you like a god, basically. Granted: there will be fucking but… nice fucking."

"Well that's encouraging. So it's like an honourable deflowering, as opposed to just a deflowering?"

"Oh, there is nothing 'honourable' about it but… he'll call you afterwards."

"Huh. My lucky brother. Maybe I should try to steal him."

"You're not his type." I gasp, wounded.

"I am everyone's type, I'll have you know." Clary lets out a short, amused chuckle.

"Trust me: You're not Magnus' type." And then because I can't resist, I lean down to her level and look her straight in the eyes. She frowns but doesn't move away.

"Am I your type, Clary?" I register the emotions as they roam across her freckled face.

The first one shocks me: Pure, undiluted fear. Then shock, puzzlement, annoyance and finally settling on grudging amusement.

"I don't have a type." Bending down, she hitches a strap of her backpack over her shoulder and starts walking away, just as the bell for class begins to ring. "I'll see you later Jace."

I grin as she walks away and start heading to homeroom, already coming up with a plan.

I like this girl. And I am her type. And I am going to make her admit it.

* * *

Clary's POV

'Stupid, stupid, stupid, _stupid_!' I berate myself as I walk to trigonometry. I winked at Jace yesterday and now he thinks I meant something by it. Nothing good ever comes from winking. Goddammit, it was meant to be a harmless thing and now he's asking about types and coming to sit next to me and bloody hell, I can't deal with this right now.

My head hurts and my ribs are aching and my wrist is swollen and I'm so tired and I think my neck ran away at some point and I'm so worried about my mother, I don't need this extra stress- I need a holiday. And to top it all off, I'm heading to trigonometry, my least favourite class, where I sit next to Simon, the friend I'm having a fight with.

Worst. Day. Ever.

I hitch my books up my hip a little more and open the classroom door, sitting down at my assigned desk. I wait for three minutes and twenty eight seconds before Simon comes in and sits at his seat next to me. He takes out his books and pens and sets up his desk as he always does. Simon is extremely neat and organised. He pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose and we wait for the teacher, the awkward silence between us stretching on for what feels like forever.

About halfway through class however, I see his write something down on his tiny notepad, the one he always keeps for in-class chatting, and write something down. Subtly, he passes the note over to me and I read it.

 _I'm sorry Clary. I don't want to fight. I know it's hard for you to get out of the house. I understand._

Quickly picking up my pen, I hasten to reply.

 _I'm sorry too; I really do want to be there. You know that right?_

I pass the note back to him and he reads it, his bespectacled eyes scanning the page.

 _Yeah, I do. You're a good friend Clary. I didn't mean any of the things I said yesterday. I'm sorry I ever said them. Friends?_

When I read the note he passes to me, I want to cry. I so badly want to give him the answer he wants. This is so difficult for him, having me as part of his inner circle. I don't want to hurt him, but I do. Continuously.

And so, to spare him what little hurt I can right now, I lie to him and reply to his note.

 _Friends._

* * *

 **A/N: So thoughts? Good? Bad? Any ideas about where you's want this to go? I know where it will end but I'm open to suggestions too. Let me know, you brilliant little monkeys.**

 **Have fun, say hi, REVIEWW! Please?**

 **Love Stormy. xoxoxo**


	4. Let Me Drive

**Disclaimer: Not Cassandra Clare.**

 **A/N: Hey guys, sorry this one is a bit late, I was going to get it up yesterday but I got distracted by my neighbour's new baby so... sorry.**

 **Also, did anyone watch Eurovision? Wasn't it awesome?! The guy from Russia was FLOATING! And I loved Azerbaijan, though the bodysuit was a bit much. But she was hot and could actually sing so it makes up for it. And shout out to Dami Im from Australia. They'll have to take us seriously now! Also, did anyone else think the guy from Israel looked like Magnus' monochromatic-but-nonetheless-glittery,** **younger brother?**

 **Anyway, this is kind of a filler to be honest. I wanted to get the home life differences between Jace and Clary put down before stuff starts getting real in the next chapter. I also wanted to make the reasons Clary and Jocelyn stay a little clearer.**

 **Anyway, thank you to:**

Peachez96, Rwch3l, Liz399, andignorex, emilyfrayherondale, VMars lover, AlanaLubberts, Jules.270907, jojo1005, Rairaisunshine, mv21, pugglemama09 **and** AshBronze17824 **for following,**

morgan. , andignorex, Rairaisunshine **and** pugglemam09 **for favouriting,**

 **And** Guest, reppinda5o3, citrusunicorn, FigsVsNewton, cheshire15, PoisonousWhiteRose **and** Justsomebodyelse **for reviewing since last chapter! Love you's all, you brilliant little scallywags.**

 **Anyway, I'll let you at it, let me know what you think.**

 **Enjoy, have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

* * *

Jace's POV

I have a theory: All teachers hate children.

There's no scientific proof of this or anything so don't get your hopes up, but I have had a lot of teachers in my time and I have to say that in my experience, all teachers hate children. Or, at least, all teachers hate _me_. Maybe they struggle to deal with my level of awesomeness.

Anyway, my point is, I'm sitting in the middle of an English lesson and I'm quite sure my teacher, Mrs Branwell hates me and it's totally not my fault. Okay, maybe a little bit but she's totally overreacting.

"Care to explain your reasoning behind that, Mr Lightwood?" She demands haughtily. My cousin, Gabriel, sitting behind me, muffles his amusement behind his hand. "Something amusing to you, Gabriel?"

"Not at all, Mrs Branwell." He replies quickly and I grin before answering the teacher's original question.

"Well, as we know, the English language is the most difficult language for non-English speakers to learn because the moment they think they've learnt a rule, there's suddenly a change to the rule. For example, 'mice' is the plural of mouse; 'geese' is the plural of goose, but there is no plural for 'moose'."

"Your point, Mr Lightwood?" She hints.

"My point is: English is like a woman. The moment you think you've got it sussed out; it changes its mind and knocks you flat on your arse." The class laughs but my English teacher blinks and does not look amused.

"That's enough I think, Mr Lightwood."

I settle deeper into my seat and spend the rest of the class with Mrs Branwell scowling at me and Gabriel pelting tiny balls of paper at my head. He better not have got any in my hair, that's all I've got to say.

* * *

By the time I get home, there is a wonderful emanating from the kitchen. I know instantly that it wasn't Isabelle cooking, and I thank sweet baby Jesus that it wasn't Isabelle cooking. Trust me, if you had had her cooking, you'd understand why.

I make my way into the kitchen where I find my baby brother Max and my mum grabbing cookies out of the oven. I grin as I watch Max trying to sneak a few cookies off the tray. A boy after my own heart, that one.

"How was school Jace?" My mother asks, using that uncanny ability of hers to be able to tell where all of her children are at any given time.

"Uneventful. Although I may have to kill Gabriel." I informed her, sitting down at one of the seats behind the kitchen island.

"Well so long as you've got something to do." My mother summarised without batting an eye. This is why I liked my mother: She wasn't fazed by my humour.

"Where are Alec and Isabel?" Max asked excitedly, hopping up and down. Laughing, I reached over and ruffled his hair.

"Careful bro. I might start thinking you don't like me. Which is just ridiculous. They were just behind me. Go find them." Max quickly followed my advice, running into the entrance hall.

"I do like the way you handle him." Mum said, starting to move the cookies onto a cooling tray. "Although you could have stopped him from stealing that cookie."

"Where would be the fun in that?"

I hopped off my chair and grabbed my bag, heading up to my room. Why was homework inflicted on children? It had to be against the Geneva Convention.

Note to self: Research the Geneva Convention.

* * *

Clary's POV

When I get home, there is soft piano music playing on the stereo and I can hear my mum laughing in the direction of the kitchen. I breathe a sigh, knowing that for at least tonight, life will be easy. I drop my bag by the stairs and head towards the kitchen.

Mum and Dad are waltzing.

As I lean against the doorframe, I watch my father twirling my mother around the kitchen to the soothing sounds of piano coming out the stereo. I feel melancholic standing there, watching my mother smiling and laughing, looking at my father like he's the only star in the sky, knowing that _this_ is why she stays: no matter what, my mother loves my father.

Why can't it be like this all the time? Why can't our lives be this simple all the time?

Why do Mum and I have to cover up our bruises with too much concealer, pretend not to limp or favour a wrist?

Why can't my life be like everyone else's?

"Whatcha doin'?" Instead of focusing on my bittersweet thoughts- mostly bitter, I'll admit- I grin in the direction of my parents. Dad bends my mother over his arm, Mum giving me a beaming, upside-down smile.

"We thought we'd try and remember our wedding dance." Dad informs me with a teasing grin. I fight back my tears, again wishing it could be like this all the time. "I'm happy to say I have a better memory than your mother."

"Well I should hope so. You're supposed to be leading."

My mother laughs as Dad tips her right way up again. She pats his chest fondly and comes over to give me a hug. There is a conversation about my school day which lasts about thirty seconds before I make my excuses and get out of there.

It's so odd that it is days like this that hurt more- when things could almost be normal if it weren't for the bruises that Mum's makeup and long sleeves covered, the split lip and chipped tooth that even lipstick and her enormous smile couldn't cover; if it weren't for my swollen wrist that aches and throbs and my lungs that couldn't pull in enough oxygen to satisfy me, constricted by my bruised ribs.

But it does hurt. It hurts so much because, on the good days, I see what we could be. We could be happy, we could have an easy life full of love and affection and laughter.

We could be a family. But we aren't.

And so, holding my chest like it could somehow keep me whole, I wept silently, wishing for the life I could never have.

* * *

After a peaceful breakfast of pancakes, I start walking towards school, keeping my head buried in my history textbook. Not feeling particularly chirpy this morning, however, I couldn't take as much joy in learning about the Romans as I normally did.

Shocking huh?

Not looking up, I was almost too late to see the Honda come to a stop in front of me. My life flashed before my eyes as the brakes screeched.

It was not in the least bit entertaining.

The passenger door opened and I stood my ground, glaring towards the person coming out. My glare slipped a fraction of an inch as I recognised the passenger. But then it kicked up an extra twenty degrees as he sauntered towards me.

It was Jace Lightwood. And he was fucking _grinning_ at me.

Frigging psychopath.

"What's the fucking shit, Jace?!"I screamed. "You almost ran me over!" Instead of looking sorry, which would be the polite thing to do, Jace looked entirely amused at my outrage.

"You look like a terrifying Strawberry Shortcake." My eyes narrowed into slits. "Also, I wasn't driving-that was Alec."

"I still blame _you_." I hissed. Jace quirked an eyebrow and looked me up and down. Finally, he shrugged.

"Fair enough." He beckoned with his thumb towards the awaiting car- I could hear voices coming from it and I figured Jace was travelling with his siblings. "You want a lift?" My outraged look changed to one of incredulousness.

"You're kidding? You want me to get into the same car that almost trampled me to death two minutes ago?"

"Well it's not like it's going to eat you. Although I would pay good money to see a car that would actually eat people."

I rolled my eyes at his antics, feeling my shoulders slump in defeat- Jace noticed and grinned, beckoning me over. I hugged my book closer to me and reached for the backseat door. Jace stopped me and pointed to the passenger seat. He, himself, moved around to the driver seat and opened the door.

"Come on, Alec. Let me drive." He said to Alec who I could now see was in the driver's seat. Alec gave Jace an exhausted look.

"You're joking, right?" He demanded, sounding like he already knew the answer.

"Of course not. Out you get." Jace sounded cheerful and I was glad that I was not the only one he was annoying.

Alec took a while to reply, but finally he gave a big sigh and got out the car, situating himself in the back seat next to his sister. I opened the passenger side door and took my seat. Jace sat down and started the car again, but Alec quickly reached around and grabbed his upper arm.

"You _dare_ scratch my car and I will cut you." He warned, sounding dangerous. I immediately shrank into my seat, slightly freaked.

"It's a Honda, dude." Jace argued.

"I don't care. It's _my car_." Jace chuckled.

"Rightyo." He said simply and we were off.

* * *

Jace's POV

The look on her face was totally priceless. She was obviously trying to be intimidating but honestly, she looked about as intimidating as a slightly irritated chipmunk. At least, she had been twenty seconds ago.

Clary now looked utterly zoned out- or in, depending on your perspective.

She was utterly absorbed by her sketching, having pulled out a sketchpad from her bag. Her hands moved with careful precision, shifting over the paper in exact, concise movements. There was a funny little frown on her face, her eyes narrowed slightly in concentration. It occurred to me as I watched her out of the corner of my eye that she always had that look on her face when she was looking at something on paper.

"What you drawing?" I asked after a long silence. Well, silence in the front seat anyway. The back seat seemed to have some sort of conversation going on.

"Yes." Clary replied. I snorted trying not to show my amusement. Trying to figure out how zoned out/in she was, I decided to ask another question.

"Thor or Loki?"

"Maybe." I raised an eyebrow.

"Would you prefer world peace or an end to famine?"

"Uh-huh." I grinned evilly.

"So am I your type now?"

"In your dreams, little man." Shocked, I took my eyes off the road and looked towards Clary.

Her head was still bent towards the paper, but her sparkling eyes were pointed at me, a tiny, triumphant smirk on her face. I blink at her several times before she turned her eyes back to her drawing, shaking her head lightly. I can't wipe the grin off my face.

Believe me, I've tried.

* * *

"And not _only_ did you scratch my car, you also only did _that_ to impress some chick who _obviously isn't interested_!" Alec screamed at me during lunchtime.

I was not exactly thrilled about being screamed at as there were many people watching, most of whom I knew would stoop to mocking me about this in the not too distant future. I hadn't _meant_ to scratch Alec's car, but I swear that curb had not been there before and that guy on the bike had had a death wish, _clearly_. He swerved in front of me. Totally not my fault.

Will, Jem and Gabriel seemed to be having a grand old time, Will in particular. I could hear them snickering behind me. Magnus, who was sitting behind my raging brother, seemed to find Alec absolutely fascinating, his golden-green eyes watching Alec's every movement with singular focus. I would wonder about that later.

"Are you done?" I sighed, crossing my arms over my chest. Alec's face was turning a disturbing shade of red.

"No, I am not _done_! You _scratched_ my _car_ , Jace, after I _specifically_ told you not to!" Alec was on a roll. "I saved up for almost an entire _year_ to buy that car! The paint job was the _only_ thing on it I don't need to fix and now it's completely _ruined_!"

"Is it just me or is Alec extremely hot when he's angry?" Magnus asked no one in particular.

"There are two tiny little scratches on it now, that's all. Jeez, calm down." I argued.

" _Calm down_?! You want me to _calm down_?! They are _not_ 'tiny, little scratches'! They are humungous eyesores! You've _ruined_ my car!"

"It's a Honda, Alec. The car's ruined anyway." For a second, Alec looks like he's about to hit me, but then he turns on his heel and stalks off in a storm of monochromatic anger.

I sit down next to Will and ignore him as he begins singing some song about how the Honda broke the brothers apart.

I'm genuinely a good driver- most of the time- so I actually have no idea how I scratched Alec's car. Literally no clue. At least, that's what I tell myself.

In actuality, as I turned the corner, the sun had aimed directly at Clary's hair and had turned it almost golden. It was eye-catching, okay?

Besides: what man didn't have a weakness for redheads?

* * *

 **A/N: So thoughts? Kind of a filler, not very exciting, I know. Sorry. Next chapter should be very happening, lots of stuff is going down. Very exciting so watch out for that. Question: I'm thinking I need more POV's. I'm thinking Alec, Isabelle, Magnus or Ragnor- or all of the above. Thoughts?**

 **Let me know.**

 **Have fun, say hi.**

 **Love Stormy. xoxo**


	5. Let Me Walk You Home

**Disclaimer: Not Cassie Clare.**

 **A/N: Hey guys, sorry it took so long to update. I have excuses but they suck so I won't subject you to them.**

 **This chapter is sort of a set up for later ones, if you will. Sort of a filler but also not... I don't know. I'll let you decide. I'm not entirely happy with the ending but I felt like I had to update so forgive me.**

 **Thank you to:**

Adele Herondale, Azelya, Kellychen8642, Unicornsareskinny, chloe237, Katrina Engel, Calypso2500, Eona-dragon **and** **for following,**

chompchomp123, Kellychen8642 **and** Saphira86 **for favouriting,**

 **And** andignorex, VMars Lover, Guest **and** Guest **for reviewing since last chapter.**

 **I love you guys. I think I need more feedback though because I have a feeling I'm going a bit fast and that some of the dialogue is a bit boring. Some suggestions would be lovely!**

 **Enjoy, have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

* * *

Clary's POV

"Is your brother still mad at you?" I ask Jace quietly during our next history lesson together. Jace, who seems to be inspecting his nails for imperfections instead of taking notes, smirks at me and shrugs nonchalantly.

"Alec is always mad at someone. Just my turn I guess." I roll my eyes in his direction while he grins.

Neither of us is really paying attention to Mr Starkweather so it's a shock to both of us when the entire class bursts into complaints. Our heads turn towards the front of the room to Mr Starkweather, hoping to find out the cause of the commotion.

The two words on the board hammer themselves into my brain: Partner Assignment.

Oh no. No, no, no. Please, God, no.

Dad is going to kill me.

I focus on not hyperventilating while Mr Starkweather starts explaining the assignment. If I wasn't me, and my situation was more normal, it wouldn't be too bad, but all I can think is that my father will most definitely kill me.

"For the next month, we will be focusing on the ancient Roman society. At the end of four weeks, each team will present a project in oral form to the rest of the class. You will be partnered with your table partner and the people without table partners will become a team of three." Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. "You will choose your topic from this list." Mr Starkweather begins handing out a sheet to each table while a few people start walking to join into a team.

I throw my head into my hands and take deep breaths, not paying attention as Jace takes the sheet of paper from our teacher and starts reading through the list. Words echo through my head but they don't process at all. I can't do partner assignments. People can't come to my place, I can't go to theirs. Dad will kill me. He almost did last time. I can't do this.

Dad will kill me.

I can't do this.

"-ry? Clary? Clary, what's wrong?" A sound finally gets through my ringing ears and I turn my head towards the sound. Jace looks back into my eyes, looking concerned and worried, his golden eyes showing sympathy and wariness.

"I can't be your partner; I can't do this." I reply quickly, trying to dull the noise in my head.

"Why not?"

"Because I can't have you coming to my place and I can't come to yours and I can't do it. I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't-"

"Okay, okay, I understand, that's fine." He tells me quickly, his voice high and soothing like he's talking to an injured animal. "So houses are out, that's fine. How about café's or something; the library maybe?" I'm already shaking my head before he can finish.

I'm not allowed out of the house outside of school. It's one of Dad's most enforced rules. It's why I can't go to Simon's gig. It's why I can't go over to Magnus' famous parties. It's why I can't go to see Will perform his terrible impromptu songs and poetry. It's the reason my almost-friends are not actual friends.

"I can't get out of the house." Jace nods slowly, looking me up and down.

"How about this: we can meet up at lunchtime and do it then?" Jace suggests.

The suggestion is perfectly reasonable but my head is all spinny and fuzzy and I can't breathe and my chest is aching and I think I'm getting a headache and Dad is going to kill me, Dad is going to kill me, Dad is going to kill me.

Dad is going to kill me.

* * *

Jace's POV

Clary is having a panic attack.

Never thought that would happen, to be honest.

Her eyes are shut tight, her face creased as she drags in staccato breaths of air. Her face is pale and getting paler as she continues to hyperventilate. She needs to calm down, but first she needs to calm her breathing.

"Clary?" I start but she quickly shakes her head, clutching at her chest. "Clary, try to take deep breaths."

"I can't- I can't-"

"Clary, it's alright."

She repeats her mantra of 'I can't' and, thinking fast, I grab her hand and place it over my chest. Her panicked eyes shoot up and connect with mine.

"Breathe with me, Clary. Deep breaths."

Purposefully, I breathed in deeply, letting her hand rise and fall as my chest did, trying to get her to time her own breaths with mine. It takes a few seconds, but finally she closes her eyes and focuses on breathing. At first, it's fluttery and stunted, but after a few minutes, it eases, her puffs of air becoming more normal. Finally, when her breathing is entirely controlled, she opens her green eyes. They show embarrassment and humiliation. I frown at her.

"Thank you. Sorry about that. I don't know what that was." Clary tells me. I smirk at her, glancing down at her hand that still rests on my chest.

"If you wanted to fondle me, you should have just asked." She makes an indignant little squeak and rips her hand away. I smother my laugh. "So I'm thinking either Roman warfare or Roman mythology and religion." I change the subject quickly. "What about you?"

Clary frowns and looks over the list. "Let's go with mythology and religion. I doubt you're that interested in food or fashion."

"I am genuinely offended by that. No one could look as stylishly fabulous as me unless they have a penchant for fashion."

"Or unless they have a sister with a penchant for fashion." Clary suggests sarcastically, raising an eyebrow and looking a lot more like her normal self.

I grin- in relief more than anything else- and open my history textbook to a page with the tiniest, most irritatingly vague amount of information on ancient Roman religion and begin to write down notes.

* * *

By the end of the day, Alec is apparently still pissed off at me and won't even let me sit in the backseat of his precious Honda. It's not like his Honda is actually a Bugatti Veyron or a Pagani Zonda or a Ferrari La Ferrari- most precocious name for a sports car ever- or and Aston Martin Vanquish or an Audi R8 or a Lamborghini Aventador or- actually I might stop there or we could be here for a while. I like sports cars, okay? But my point is: his car is a Honda. It cost him, I'll admit, more money than it was worth, but that does not give him the right to have a massive hissy fit because of two measly little scratches.

So after a heated argument- well heated on his end- and the screech of tyres as Alec's car pulls out of the school parking lot- he'll have to change the tyres if he wants to continue being so dramatic- I find myself walking home.

This is not something I am surprised by. I am a bit of an arse at times and this has caused Alec to abandon me at various places to walk home or catch the bus, although I'm quite convinced that this particular instance is completely _not_ justified.

As I walk towards the school gates, I notice a flash of red and a spark of rainbow-y glitter and I turn my head in that general direction. Clary is in the middle of a group of about six people; laughing at something one of them is said. Upon further investigation, it becomes apparent from the proud look on his face that it was the dweeby, nerdy bloke that seems to be totally smitten with the redhead.

For some unidentifiable reason, this completely irritates me and I get this feeling it my chest that it's _wrong_ somehow. I feel like it should be me over there, standing next to her, making her laugh like that.

The thought is disturbing and scary and freaky and weird. But at the same time, I don't think I want to deny it. All I know is that it should be _me_.

* * *

Clary's POV

Simon smiles as I laugh at his impression of Mrs Herondale, our terrifying sociology teacher and Will's terrifying great aunt. We call her the Inquisitor, because she always seems to be interrogating people. Simon, who is now grinning triumphantly, does a great impression of her, from her high, screechy voice to her glasses lowered down to the tip of the bridge of her nose.

The rest of our little group- Magnus, Ragnor, Sophie and Gideon- chuckle along and shake their heads. We keep walking along the school carpark, talking amongst ourselves as cars start pulling out past us.

"I'm not saying that it looks like there's a permanent frown on that woman's face but I swear she needs a good dose of dopamine. Or some happy gas." Gideon informs us.

"I think the world would implode if she smiled, or even just stopped frowning." Sophie adds, smiling behind her hand. Gideon gives her a secret, fond smile that she misses.

"Can you imagine her on helium though?" Simon suggests, and I grin at him.

"I'm quite sure only dogs would be able to hear that." Magnus supposes. "Have you noticed the times in class where she's so angry, you can't even hear her shrieking anymore? It's like being scolded by a terrifying goldfish." I snort at the comparison and Magnus sends me a jaunty wink.

"If Will hears you talking about his auntie like that, he would kill you's all." I hear the voice coming from behind us and I turn to find Jace strutting up to us, holding his backpack over his left shoulder.

"Really?" Magnus asks, sounding confused. One side of Jace's mouth lifts up into a smirk.

"Nah, he'd join in and somehow make your insults sound like compliments compared to his own astounding wit." Sophie huffs and keeps walking, not at all impressed now that Will has been mentioned. "What's wrong with her?" Jace asks curiously.

"Sophie does not like Will." Gideon explains before hurrying after her, calling out a goodbye to us as they both pile into Gideon's car. There is a moment of silence before Jace breaks it.

"And I thought I was abrupt." He says, sounding miffed. "I apparently need to work on that."

"Please don't." Magnus orders. "I would prefer to keep my title of most ostentatious and dramatic person at this exclusive academy."

"Exclusive?" Simon counters.

"Fine. Substandard, shoddy academy."

"Academy?"

"Fine, place of education."

"Education?"

"Oh, shut up Samuel." Simon raises his eyebrows. "Sheldon?" Simon rolls his eyes. "Sherbert?"

"Who do you know on this _entire earth_ who is called Sherbert?"

"You?" I grin at the conversation, knowing that Magnus is just playing him.

"For God's sake, why is it so hard to-"

"Be nice, Magnus." I decide to show some mercy to Simon. Magnus finally grins, his eyes dancing with mirth.

"You are too easy to rile up sometimes, my darling Simon." Comments Magnus, reaching over to ruffle up Simon's hair. "Want a lift?"

As we stop in front Magnus's gaudy, glittery purple Cadillac- don't ask- he gestures grandly to his car and Simon pulls his bag off his shoulder and stuffs it in the back seat. Magnus then turns his attention to me, jerking his head towards the vehicle, silently asking the question again.

"Nah, thanks, I'll walk." I reply to his silent question, my typical answer. Magnus nods, searching for his keys in his many pockets absentmindedly.

"Let me walk you home." Jace offers from next to me, completely shocking me.

I try to come up with a reason why not, but we are walking in the same direction anyway, given he saw me walking to school this morning, so I can't come up with a reasonable denial. So I just nod.

"You alright with that, Clary?" Magnus asks oddly. Luckily, Simon is already seated in Magnus' car so he is not privy to this conversation. Thank Jesus. I nod again. I'm doing that a lot today. Slowly, Magnus moves his gaze from me to Jace. "Keep your hands off my Biscuit." He commands Jace in a voice that is actually quite frightening.

Jace raises his eyebrows and looks Magnus over, from his shoes to his spiked, glittery hair, and finally replies: "Alright then."

After a few minutes of silence, Magnus steps into his car and reverses out of his parking space, driving out of the school parking lot. I try to figure out the chaos that's going on in my head.

"So," Jace says casually, starting to walk. "Shall we boogie?"

* * *

 **A/N: So thoughts? Let me know. The bit in Jace's POV when he mentions Clary laughing at Simon's joke being wrong and that it should be him is based on Jace's speech in City of Glass on page 302. Did it work?**

 **Hope this is okay, but please do let me know if I need to improve on anything. Constructive criticism always encouraged!**

 **Anyway, I'll let you go.**

 **Have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

 **Love Stormy. xoxox**


	6. Let Me Read That

**Disclaimer: Don't own, not Cassie.**

 **A/N: Hey guys, this is what you get when you review- QUICKER CHAPTERS! I appreciate your words and advice and comments so much, it really means a lot. Thank you for taking time out of your day to give me some feedback to this story, it really helps. :)  
**

 **This chapter doesn't have as much Clace, more character development and some back story. I hope it clarifies some things at least, or gives some clues as to what will happen in the future.**

 **Thank you to:**

Laurinis, Clairebear96, harpreetjudge10, ggcguacamole, imcrazyanditscontagious, Gabriela9571, , Sunshinekacy, hiiina, monkeypantes **and** **for following,**

Laurinis, Iszabellah-Smith, harpreetjudge10, imcrazyanditscontagious, Gabriela9571, , monkeypantes **and** **for favouriting,**

 **And** reppinda5o3 **(** **Twice- missed you last chapter, I always love your reviews!)** , Guest, Midnight. walker. 22, WeArentLost-Yet, VMars lover, FigsVsNewton **and** Flora. Silverthrush **for reviewing. Love you guys so much!**

 **Please let me know what you think of this chapter, where you want this to go, maybe some predictions, etc. Comments always welcome, you brilliant little possums.**

 **Before I let you at it, besides the obvious, what songs should I listen to when writing this story? Do any songs come to mind when you read it? Just out of curiosity.**

 **Anyway, enjoy, have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

* * *

Jace's POV

'Shall we boogie?!' I scream at myself silently. 'Shall we _frigging_ boogie?! Have you lost your goddamn mind?!'

As Clary and I walk down the busy streets of New York, I berate myself silently for the stupid comment I made at school before we started walking. She hasn't said a word since. Not entirely sure as to why, but she seems to be berating herself as well, and she seems jumpier than usual- which is saying quite a lot.

"Why are you walking me home?" She finally asks her voice small over the hubbub of the city.

"Because my most beloved drama queen of a brother abandoned me and I thought you would protect me from murderers and rapists." Clary cocks her eyebrows at me, looking vaguely amused.

"Murderers and rapists?" She asks.

"I'm a stunningly attractive arsehole. I can't take any risks."

"I'll agree with you on the 'arsehole' thing but that's as far as I can go." She tells me in a voice that is ringing with mocking entertainment.

"You wound me woman. You suck at the whole ego-boosting thing."

"I'm sure you'll survive. You do have an ego the size of a state."

"Or a very small country." I agree, nodding.

Clary laughs and conversation starts to flow. I start to feel less nervous, and I can tell Clary is calming down as well. She seems to be smiling easier, breathing easier. It makes me think about her panic attack, what brought it on- was she honestly so concerned about going out on the weekends or was there something more than that? Something more than just social anxiety?

After a while, she heads straight when I have to turn so I take hold of her right wrist and pull her to a stop. She lets out a pained squeal and jerks her hand away.

"What was that for?" She screeches, cradling her hand to her chest. I frown at her.

"Is your arm still bothering? Wasn't it a few days ago you fell over?" Something crosses her face but it's gone before I can put my finger on it.

"No, I just don't like being manhandled by some guy who is clearly related to a frigging yeti!" She informs me, sounding defensive. I hold my hands up in surrender.

"Alright, alright, sorry. It's just: I have to go this way." I tell her, pointing to my right.

"Oh," She replies in a voice that is small and feeble again. I can't figure this girl out. "Well, I have to go this way." She points further down the road we are walking down. I nod.

"Do you want to meet here and walk to school tomorrow? Or we can pick you up in Alec's dingy Honda."

"Do you have a car?" Clary demands, changing the topic completely.

"No." I admit.

"Then stop dissing the Honda." I grin quickly.

"Good point. So here, same time tomorrow?"

"Sure." She allows. "Just don't run me over next time." And before I can say another word, she turns and is lost in the crowd.

I continue walking home, grinning the entire time.

* * *

Clary's POV

About an hour after dinner, I sit at my laptop and check my e-mails. Three notifications about a fanfiction I wrote about an anime, two e-mails from school, a few spam e-mails and one that immediately draws my eye from my brother Jonathan.

Jonathan and I had always been close. He had been my protector and best friend. Until he left, he kind of took most of the worst beatings so I wouldn't get hurt as much. I kind of saw him as my hero and I agreed with him about mostly everything. The only thing we didn't agree on was my mother- he saw her as weak and he thought she didn't love us, using the way she didn't protect us from Dad as proof of that. We debated quite often about that, but we never fought or yelled or goaded each other- we had to be strong and united at our house and fighting amongst ourselves was not an option.

The day he left was the day he turned nineteen. He came into my room that night with his bags packed and knelt next to my bed, shaking my shoulder to wake me up. He told me he had found an apartment on the edge of the city that he could live at until he had enough money to support us both. He told me that as soon as he could, he would send for me and we could live together, be the team we always had been without having to worry about our father.

I had begged him not to go. I told him I needed him here- how was I supposed to survive without him? How was I supposed to continue in this house if I didn't have my big brother? But he had just smiled sadly, kissed my hair, and left.

He just… left. And I haven't seen him since.

So you can understand why, after two years of radio silence, I am entirely shocked to get an e-mail from him. I don't want to read it for a variety of reasons- I'm scared about what will be in there, I'm still made at him for abandoning me, it could be bad news, it could be no news.

It could be good news.

I don't want to read it because I know: no matter what is in there, it will change my life irrevocably. No matter what is in there, something in my life is going to change. And I am not ready for it.

It takes me about half an hour to work up the courage to open that e-mail. And when I do, it makes me want to puke, cry, laugh, scream and throw something all at the same time.

 ** _From: Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern  
Subject: Hey Little Red  
Date: 17 November, 2015 12:36pm  
To: Clarissa Morgenstern_**

 _Hey baby sis,_

 _I know it's been a while. I've hardly noticed the time flying. A lot has happened._

 _When I first left, I got a job working in a supermarket, stacking shelves- what would Dad say to that, eh? Ruining the noble family name by doing suck menial, mundane tasks. While I was doing that, I did some studying at night school, did some politics and economics and business stuff but I didn't really find it that interesting so quit that about two months in. Predictable, huh?_

 _After about six months, I got a job as night-guard in that museum you like- you know the one Clary? With the weird Van Gogh paintings and all those ridiculous statues with no arms? I worked there for a while but I'll admit; it was a bit boring. So I talked to my boss, with that irresistible charm you know I have and got switched to day-guard which was much more fun. And it's there I met Seelie, but we'll get to that later._

 _After that, I moved onto this other security company and got promoted so fast and so far, I basically had nowhere else to go. I found it really interesting so I decided to start my own business in the security field. I stayed on there for about three months, learning the ropes, getting ideas from my bosses, helping with the books and stuff and before you know it, Seelie and I had started 'Morning Star Security', the best security company in New York. We now employ about fifty guards, plus PA's and all those other people we used to think had the worst jobs in the universe._

 _I can't believe it, Red, and you wouldn't either. The company has grown so big and so quick, it's just taken over everything. I was able to move into a new place in this really great corner of the city- you'd like it, I think. Close to parks and restaurants and everything, and it has this view on the balcony that is to die for. And you would not believe the size of my TV. Even I think it's a bit much._

 _And, Clary, I got married. We just got back from our honeymoon, and I could not be happier. Her name is Seelie Fey- now Morgenstern- and, my God, sis, she is beautiful. And smart and funny and honest and brilliant. I met her while she was looking at your favourite painting in the museum. I so wanted you to be there at my wedding, Clary. I think you'd both get along, you really would. And maybe Mum would like her too._

 _But, Clary, the main reason I'm e-mailing you now is because Seelie is pregnant. It's still very early, but I want you to be the godmother._

 _What do you think, Auntie Clary? Write me back soon, Little Red. I've missed you._

 _Lots of love,_

 _Jon_

I reread the e-mail about seventy times before I can figure out anything. And even then, my figuring is not that brilliant.

I print the e-mail and push it into my bag. I need advice and Simon is the perfect option.

* * *

The entire day before I meet up with Simon in third period, I am stressing about the e-mail. Even when Jace and his siblings pick me up in Alec's car, even when I have to submit a project in first period, even when there is a pop-quiz in second period, all I can think about is the e-mail. When I slide it over to Simon at the start of period three, he sends me a confused glance but I just shake my head and go to sit down.

"So he just sent this to you?" Simon asks me as English literature class comes to an end and we start heading for our lockers, looking at the printed e-mail in his hands. I nod and run a hand over my face. "Well, basically he's a prick, isn't he?" I give a harsh chuckle.

"What should I do, Simon? This just threw me." I ask on an exhale. "On the one hand, he abandoned me but on the other…" I don't know how to finish that sentence.

"On the other, he's your brother and she's your… sister-in-law." He finishes like he's just realised something horrible. "Fuck, this is heavy. You're going to be an auntie."

"I know."

"You'll be 'Cool' Auntie Clary. Oh God, but what if you're not? What if you're 'Why-is-Auntie-Clary-coming-over?' Auntie Clary?"

"I know." I say more forcefully.

"And there'll be crying and diapers and- holy shit, you'll have to babysit on date-nights!"

"I know!"

"And even at exam times you'll have to baby-sit because you're 'Cool' Auntie Clary. And when the baby's first word is 'Auntie Clary' you'll have to explain that to your brother and he'll hate you so much!"

"Simon!" I screech, pulling the offending e-mail from his grasp. "I know!" Pity flashes in his eyes behind his glasses and I narrow my eyes at him.

"Okay, okay, hang on. Let me read it again?" I sigh and hand the e-mail back.

He looks it over as we deposit our books in our lockers and head to our group seat on the grass for break. Ragnor, Catarina and, surprisingly, Isabel are already seated. Catarina and Isabel are deep in conversation about something and Ragnor seems bored. I smile at him.

"What you got there, Clary?" He asks, reaching for the e-mail in Simon's hand. Simon quickly pulls it close to his chest.

"My darling, most beloved, most beautiful Ragnor, you know I love you, don't you?" My bespectacled friend begins, and I grin at the satisfied look in Ragnor's eyes.

"Of course I do rat-boy. But I also know when I'm being bribed into looking the other way when delicious gossip presents itself to my glorious self." Leaning back against Catarina's calves, he crosses his legs and folds his hands behind his head.

"You're not being bribed Ragnor- I'm just stating the facts. You know I love you. So please remember that when I tell you- with the deepest of love and affection and admiration- to fuck off and mind your own business." Ragnor's eyebrows rise elegantly and his grin widens with mischief.

"You keep talking all sexy with that smart little potty-mouth of yours, rat-boy, and you might find yourself getting flirted with."

"I'm flattered, Ragnor, but you know I don't bat for your team."

"Who said I was going to be the one flirting?"

While Simon frowns in confusion, I take a seat next to Catarina. I chuckle as she whops Ragnor over the back of his head and tells him to stop teasing the poor boy. Muttering to himself, Simons takes a seat next to me we start analysing the e-mail, both of us determined to figure out what to do about it.

* * *

Later that night, after I have wiped the blood from my nose and temple, after I have showered and washed away the cruel words and loathing my father spat at me as soon as I got home, I sit in front of my computer and stare at the screen.

Slowly, my hand creeps towards the mouse and I open up the browser, going to my e-mail and loading up Jonathan's letter again.

I am genuinely happy for him. I'm happy he found a woman to love. I'm happy he's starting a family of his own. I'm happy he is content in his career. I'm happy he has the security his business offers. I'm happy he found a nice place to live. I'm even happy he got out when he did.

But underneath all that happiness for my brother, my idol, my hero, my best friend, there is this almost insane amount of rage and hurt because I can't stop thinking that he left me alone. He abandoned me. He knew what that would cost me and he did it anyway. He knew how hard it would be for me once he left and he left anyway and I can't stop thinking about how incredibly selfish that is.

For all this time, however long it took for him to start his business up; he could have been there for me. He could have sent for me, like he promised. I could have helped him set up his business- we could have been a team, like we always had been. But instead, he let me suffer and wait; hoping and praying for the day my big brother came and rescued me.

And it occurs to me then that I have been waiting for him. I've been waiting for him for so long, waiting for him to come through on his promise, to save me, to rescue me, to free me from this terrible prison I'm trapped in. But he never did come through.

And he still hasn't.

He never said anything about me living with him and his new wife. He never said anything about being a team. He never said anything.

He just left it- left me- alone. Again.

And I realise that once again, I am alone. Like I have always been- like I will always be.

Alone again.

Naturally.

* * *

 **A/N: So thoughts? Not much Clace, I know, but I needed some character development, please don't be mad! And please let me know what you think. I love you guys- and your reviews- so much! I've got more reviews from this story than any other I've written, so well done you's!**

 **Have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

 **Love Stormy. xoxox**


	7. Let Me Catch You Up

**Disclaimer: Not Cassie.**

 **A/N: Hey, sorry it's been a while. There was a death in the family so I've been distracted. And it hasn't been the best day so I won't fardarse around.**

 **Thank you to:**

ReadingAddictionProblem, Minime460, sofiacoss **and** Ravenclaw-Shadowhunter-Fae **for following,**

WellLookAtTheTime, strnz **and** sofiacoss **for favouriting**

 **And** cheshire15, Guest, Flora. Silverthrush, a. spitler, reppinda5o3, WeArentLost-Yet, Midnight. walker. 22, VMars lover, strnz **and** Ravenclaw-Shadowhunter-Fae **for reviewing. It really means a lot that my last chapter was liked and I hope this one lives up to it.**

 **Enjoy, have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

* * *

Clary's POV

Three days pass and I still can't figure out how to answer my brother's e-mail. Every time I wake up in the morning to pancakes and newspapers, I remember how my older brother used to steal my breakfast and then we'd have cutlery fights under the table. Every time I walk to school, I remember all the times we'd balance on the cracks in the footpaths, ignoring the stern looks from the boring adults who didn't know how to have fun. And at school, I remember all the times my brother got in trouble for being the most ridiculous tosser in the universe.

Like the time I texted him that I was bored so five minutes later, he came into my class in the middle of a boring lecture screaming: 'Troll! In the dungeon! Troll in the dungeon! Thought you ought to know.' And then he fell to the floor in a heap of bags, his school jumper tied around his head like a turban. The whole class had been hysterical while the teacher had dragged him to the principal's office.

It's memories like that that make me confused right now. The memories that show how good a brother he was, how much I miss him and his sarcasm and joking and ability to make me laugh. It's when I look back and recall how he always knew just what to say or when to say nothing at all, when to just sit with me on my bed in the silence and just give me the comfort of his presence. Those are the things that confuse me- the things that show that despite the fact that he left and basically forgot about me, he was a good brother once.

On the fourth day after the e-mail arrives, I walk to school on Monday morning and wait at the curb for Alec, Isabel and Jace to pick me up. Jace is still his annoying yet irritatingly endearing self but I've also come to know his siblings. Isabel is confident, composed and intuitive, extremely protective of her family and is secretly geeky. Alec is surly but sweet- as Sophie said- he is also grimly sarcastic, extremely intelligent, tremendously guarded and obviously gay; and I honestly have no idea how Jace doesn't have a clue.

As Alec pulls into the parking space in front of me, I jump into the back seat next to Jace and send a smile into the rear-view mirror.

"Hi guys." I greet, smiling as I spot the Doctor Who planner in Isabel's bag in front of me. Surreptitiously, I zip up her bag completely and place it on the middle back seat. "Still not letting Jace drive, Alec?"

"I'll put it this way, Clary: The moment Jace saves up every penny for a year and buys a car, which he treats like a newborn child and loves dearly, and he lets me drive it, and lets me scratch the bejesus out of it," Alec sends a quick grin into the back of the car as he pulls out. " _Then_ I'll let him drive my car."

"You've got to let that go, man." Jace sulks next to me.

"Or better yet: he could let me open all his Batman collectable figures and let Max play with them." I laugh in surprise, giving Jace a mocking look.

"Alec! For God's sake!" Jace huffs, crossing his arms and sinking further into his seat while Isabel and I both laugh at him.

"You have Batman toys?" I demand.

"They're collectables." Jace defends and I smirk out the window. "Thanks bro. You've completely ruined my reputation."

"Karma is a bitch." Alec replies simply as he keeps driving towards school.

* * *

Jace's POV 

By lunchtime, the Batman thing has spread like wildfire. Well, not exactly like wildfire, but it has spread to Will and Jem which is basically the same thing. As I head closer towards where our group sits at lunchtime, I see Will heading towards me, his hoodie held out like a cape, his hood drawn up so all I can see is his taunting smile.

"I'm Batman." He growls, running around me in circles, repeating the phrase over and over.

On his third circle, I raise my arm and clothesline him, then join the laughter as he falls flat on his arse with an undignified squeal.

"Well that settles it: You are no longer the Robin to my Batman." Will informs me while Jem helps him up.

"Good. I've always wanted to be Catwoman anyway." I send back, sitting down between Alec and Clary. "And Clary could be Poison Ivy."

"Oh shove off. _I'm_ Catwoman and _you_ would be Poison Ivy." Clary argues. I raise my eyebrows at her.

"Like you could fit into that suit."

"Are you telling me you could?"

"Are you calling me fat?" I demand, grinning.

"I never said that." Clary defends, grinning back at me. "I thought it, but I never said it." I wink at her then turn to my brother.

"And Alec could be Alfred." I say.

"Oh, piss off!" Alec sulks. "I am not old, I do not wear suits, I do not have an English accent and… I can't think of a fourth reason but when I do, it will be fantastic!"

"Of course it will be, darling." Magnus agrees, patting Alec's hair soothingly with a ring-clad, painted hand. "You're just a sad little nerd inside, aren't you?"

"Shut up Magnus." My older brother grumbles and mostly everyone at the table chuckles before we dissolve into separate conversations.

Unfortunately, some of them still centre on my Batman 'toys'. They're _collectables_ , alright? Shut up.

* * *

Clary's POV

By the day's end, the entire gang is bustled up in about fifty cars heading to Taki's for coffee. Since Jace made Alec almost run me over last week and we discovered that they were able to pick me up and drop me off, everyone decided that it was a fantastic idea to all join together in this café on the street corner where Alec's car meets me in the morning to say goodbye to me in the afternoon.

Which is nice and everything, but the café gets incredibly loud and I think the cook hates us and I kind of get preoccupied and there have already been a few times when I have had to sprint home to avoid being late.

As we walk into Taki's, Jem kindly holding the door open for everyone, we all take a spot on a long bench in the middle of the café. Somehow, everyone- except Maia and Jordon who keep deciding that going home and having sex is far more fun than hanging out in a coffee joint- manages to fit on the bench however, it does require a bit of squishing and chair shuffling. I find myself wedged in between Sophie and Gabriel, sitting opposite Isabel, Will and Ragnor.

Simon seems to be irritating Gideon by spreading out his physics textbooks all over his side of the table and Jem and Catarina appear to be swapping notes on their frog dissection- while absentmindedly sharing a white chocolate muffin. Personally, I never would have considered eating while talking about a frog's insides.

When I turn my head to the left, I spot Magnus despairing at the boring plain black coffee Alec is sipping. Gabriel and I share a look when I notice that he has noticed the tentative- well, tentative for Magnus anyway- that Alec and Magnus have going on.

As our group settles into conversation, the café gets very loud. Again. We may have a few too many people in our group.

Anyway, I begin speaking with Sophie about the latest movie she watched- Sophie is very into subtitled films and she tells me about her latest favourite, a French movie called The Intouchables. Basically, it's about an ex-con who, once he gets out of jail, finds a job as a full-time carer for a billionaire who is completely paralysed below the neck. It tells the story of their friendship, how the ex-con makes this billionaire think in a different way, how his life gets better because of this ex-con. Sophie says it is the best movie she's seen in years and also the nicest, gooey-feeling-in-the-pit-of-your-stomach movie she's seen in years.

Frankly, it kind of sounds a bit boring but I tell her I'll try it if she can give me a copy.

When we turn back to the group, a few of them are already finished coffee and cakes or whatever they ordered and are standing up to leave. I say goodbye to Ragnor, Cat, Cecily, Jem, Tessa and Will as they leave, and get totally shocked when Tessa bends down to hug me after she's hugged Sophie. Thinking quickly, I tilt my body away from her and keep my hands awkwardly by my sides so she lets me go quickly. When she backs away, she smiles sweetly at me, says goodbye to everyone else and then leaves with Will and Jem.

The people still left in the café move their chairs around so there's more space between everybody and I stop feeling claustrophobic as soon as Gabriel's shoulder stops touching mine. I pick up my coffee and continue sipping.

"I do not understand why we have to get so much homework." Isabel complains, glancing every so often at Simon, who remains completely clueless, still inspecting his physics book. "You know people in Switzerland don't even do homework? Why don't we live in Switzerland?"

"Because I do not do snow. It's cold and disgusting and makes my hair look all buffy and ridiculous." Jace replies to her, winking at me as I frown at him.

"Like your hair isn't already ridiculous." Gabriel teases.

"Oh shut up Lightworm." Jace dismisses. Gabriel glares.

"It's Light _wood_! I'm your frigging cousin, you should know that! I am going to _kill_ William!"

"Oh do shut up Gabriel." Magnus commands, messing around with his hair, looking exhausted and bored.

"Leaving Jace's hair aside," Isabel ignores Jace as he gives an indignant huff. "Can someone answer my initial question?"

"The Switzerland one?" Alec, drinking his straight black coffee, something which Magnus actually hooted traumatically about, seems genuinely exhausted by his sister. "We don't live in Switzerland because you wouldn't like Switzerland, Izzy. They think parkas and snow-boots are a good fashion choice." Isabel gasps in horror and immediately backtracks, telling us how much she _despises_ Switzerland.

And suddenly it hits me: Jonathan should be here. Jonathan should be telling me to never go to Switzerland. He should be looking at me with amusement, exhaustion and overwhelming fondness, the way Alec and Jace look at Isabel. And then abruptly, I know how to reply to his e-mail.

I jump up from my seat and ignore the exclamations of my almost-friends and run out the café, then start sprinting back home, bursting through the front door loudly and stupidly. I throw my bag at the bottom of the stairs and head up to my room, jumping onto my computer quicker than I ever have.

* * *

An hour later, I have written my e-mail and spent a small amount of time crying while I stared at the screen. My e-mail is not something I would normally write, or admit to. It's not something I am proud of, it's not even particularly nice, but it's the truth. The truth that Jonathan needs to know he abandoned me to.

 _ **From: Clarissa Morgenstern  
Subject: Took you long enough  
Date: 21 November, 2015 5:02pm  
To: Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern**_

 _Hey Jon!_

 _It's been forever. Firstly, congratulations, hubby and daddy and great business tycoon! Let me catch you up._

 _Let's see, what's happened to me in the last few years? Well, year 11 at school, you remember how fun that is, I'm sure. Remember Simon? He's still around, as is Magnus and Cat and Maia and Jem, plus a few new people you would probably tell me to stay away from, knowing you._

 _What else? I won a few competitions at school for art, obviously, because we both know I am brilliant at making random lines look like something important. And I got a C+ in my last maths test, will wonders never cease? And also I've published another few fanfictions online. Yes, because I'm nerdy, I know._

 _Hmm… what else…?_

 _Oh, I know. You'll be interested in this._

 _I managed to 'fall over' quite a bit. I've broken three fingers, both my wrists, snapped my right arm, dislocated both shoulders, broken my collarbones, snapped seven ribs, cracked my pelvis, dislocated my right hip, dislocated both knees, scalped myself, cracked my cheekbone, punctured my right lung twice, and somehow managed to drop a knife on various limbs several times._

 _Can I just ask, Jonathan: Do you even remember the promise you made me? Do you even remember how I begged you to stay? Do you even remember how much I cried, how hard I clung to you? Do you even remember anything you said to me?_

 _Or was it like as soon as you left, you didn't have a sister anymore? Was it like the second you were out, you were determined to forget everything you abandoned here? You say you wanted me at your wedding but did the thought of inviting me even cross your mind?_

 _Does your wife even know I exist? Does she know that you made a promise to me that you broke without a second thought? Does she know that you abandoned your own baby sister, someone you are programmed to love unconditionally, basically to die, or at least be maimed and broken?_

 _Because that is what you let happen, Jonathan. Don't try to deny it- you made a promise to me and you broke it, you broke me. Every day since you left me, I've lived in fear and pain, not just from my physical torture; that I can deal with, sort of. But every day, I wake up and know that my own brother didn't care enough, that he left me here so he could start a life on his own._

 _Do you understand how unfair it is to ask me to be happy for you? Do you understand how unfair it is to ask me to be godmother to your child when you don't even apologise for leaving me to face all this on my own?_

 _I don't want your pity, Jonathan. I don't even want your apologies. I just want a reason._

 _Why did you break your promise? You said that as soon as you could, you would send for me, you promised. Why didn't you come get me? Why did you leave me alone? Am I so forgettable, so unimportant to you, that it didn't matter what I was going through? You couldn't come keep your promise to your sister, but you could start a business, buy a fancy apartment, buy a big-arse TV and get married?_

 _What was going through your head when you sent me that e-mail Jonathan? Did you honestly think I would forget about what you did to me? Did you honestly think I would drop all my hurt, feelings of betrayal and rejection and abandonment and jump to congratulate you? Forget all my wounds and injuries, all the years of torture I've had to go through so that you could feel good about yourself?_

 _Don't you know me at all, Jonathan?_

 _I guess not. Not anymore, anyway._

 _Congratulations on your wedding and your baby, but I think I'll pass on the godmother thing. I hope you and Seelie and your family have a good life together._

 _Goodbye Jonathan._

 _Clary._

* * *

 **A/N: So thoughts? People wanted Clary to 'rip him a new one' so was the ripping sufficient?**

 **Let me know.**

 **Love Stormy.**


	8. Let Me Tell You Why

**Disclaimer: Not Cassie.**

 **A/N: Hey guys, two updates in less than a week! Is that a record? I can't remember. Anyway.**

 **Sorry I was kind of abrupt with my author's notes last time, and you guys were really great with your reviews and feedback last chapter so as a reward, lightning fast update. Keep it up guys! This chapter probably needs another edit but I couldn't be bothered but let me know if I need to make a big change to something.**

 **Thank you to:**

ROXN, Totallynotafangirl, tayred28, asdfr, kkfoster, Someryn **and** marmaids **for following,**

Deadmenscurlyshoes, ROXN, Ravenclaw-Shadowhunter-Fae, sparkle4497 **and** marmaids **for favouriting,**

 **And** Deadmenscurlyshoes, cheshire15, VMars lover, Flora. Silverthrush, Midnight. walker. 22, reppinda5o3, WeArentLost-Yet **(Thank you for your kind words. Glad the pace is better)** , Ravenclaw-Shadowhunter-Fae **(Wow, thank you)** , **and** asdfr **for reviewing!  
**

 **I am so glad that you guys liked the last chapter, and that you liked how Clary reacted. No Jonathan in this one I'm afraid but I hope you like it anyway.**

 **Anyway, enjoy, have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

* * *

Jace's POV

"I am the god of climbing, the undisputed ruler of swinging from grapple hooks, the unquestionable monarch of clinging to cliffs with my fingertips! I am the overlord of- Oh, bloody fucking _dammit_!" I shout as my onscreen character, Nathan Drake, falls to his death because he was too stupid to reach for the _bloody_ ledge.

"Oy!" Alec cries indignantly from the couch, looking up from his phone for a second to glare at me. "No swearing in front of Max!"

I spare a glance for my baby brother on the other couch, whose face is buried in his graphic novel, his glasses hanging off the edge of his nose, his feet lying comfortably in Isabel's lap as she reads a fashion magazine.

"Sorry Max." I sulk, going back to my game.

"It's alright. Mum swears _all the time_."

"I know," Alec replies, his eyes going back down to his phone screen. "But that doesn't necessarily mean that it's a good thing."

"You should've heard her on the phone yesterday," Max continues, turning a page of his novel. "She used the c-word. And the other ones." I pause my game and turn to face my brother, noticing that all eyes are on him now.

"Uhhh…" Isabel speaks all our minds with stunning eloquence.

"'Tell that to your poxy, effing, c-word of a solicitor, you effing b-word' I think is what she said." I think I blink about seventy times while I stare at my little brother. "She thought I was in the garden. But I was in the toilet. Peeing very quietly, by aiming for the side of the toilet, not the water. Though I did miss a bit." Flicking another page, Max finally looks up at our sister. "What's a solicitor, Isabel?"

I spare a glance at my sister, who looks shocked, pained and a tiny bit pissed. "Scum in a suit. Jace, Alec, will you come with me?"

Closing her magazine in a robotic, careful manner, my sister stands up and ruffles Max's hair before stepping into the hall and towards the kitchen. Where Mum is cooking dinner.

Oh crap.

I jump up from my spot on the floor and Alec follows closely behind, anticipating a scene. We follow behind our sister as she marches into the kitchen and stands glaring by the fridge, hands on her hips.

"You guys aren't worried about a late dinner, are you?" Mum asks, bending to put something in the oven.

"No, of course not, Mum, take your time." Alec says quickly.

"What's this about you seeing a solicitor Mum?" Isabel demands subtly.

The oven door slams closed as Mum straightens quickly with a strained gasp, staring at us with wide eyes and open mouth. There are a few moments of tense silence before Mum smiles exhaustedly and closes her eyes pinching he bridge of her nose between thumb and forefinger.

"I should have known." Mum says around her hand. "Max always misses when he's eavesdropping while I'm on the phone. Look kids," Mum lowers her hands and I stare into my mother's eyes, large and blue and misty and sad. "I didn't want to tell you until it was finalised but…"

My stomach drops as my head comes up with possible endings for that sentence. I look over at my siblings: Alec looks blank and wide-eyed, carefully not showing any emotion, while Isabel is wearing her heart on her sleeve- she looks scared and sad and angry and worried. I reach out a hand to her but end up dropping it. It's normally better to let Isabel handle negative things on her own. I'm not Alec.

"But what Mum? What did you do?!" My fiery sister demands and I frown as something flashes across Mum's face, but the look is gone before I can define it.

"Your father and I are getting a divorce, Isabel."

"What?! You can't be! You're lying! Why would you say something like that?!"

"Your father and I have been separated for a long time Isabel, you know that."

"But you were working it out! You're on a break! That's all! You're lying!"

"I am not lying Isabel, why on earth would I-"

"Yes, you are! You are, you are, you are! You're a liar!" By now, Isabel sounds hysterical, jumping up and down, hands shielding her eyes. Alec finally bursts into action, placing a hand on Isabel's shoulder.

"Isabel, calm down." He says with quiet authority.

Isabel's gaze whips around at Alec but he doesn't flinch, looking back at her steadily as she glares at him. Seconds pass, before Isabel slaps a hand over her mouth and runs out of the kitchen, heading for the stairs and up to her room. After a few moments, Alec takes a look at Mum then follows after our sister.

An awkward silence follows and for a minute, I think Mum is going to cry, but then she takes a deep breath, squares her shoulders and looks at me with that silent strength she's always had.

"You alright, Mum?" I ask stupidly, unsure what to do.

"Oh Jacey, you've always been my anxious, sensitive little boy." Mum tells me, patting my cheek affectionately. "I'll be fine; you go play your game. And tell Max to clean his room or no more manga for a month." I smile at my mother and nod, heading for the distraction that video games can give me, not wanting to think about how my life is going to change now.

* * *

Clary's POV

"You useless bitch!" My dad screams over and over as he slaps my face repeatedly, his hand clawed into my jumper so I can't fall away.

I can hear my mum shouting some distance away but I think she's unable to walk right now for reasons I can't really remember anymore, so I just stand there in silence while my dad beats me into submission, my brain going fuzzy, my vision turning blurry, until I can't see or think. All I know is the slap of my father's hand on my face, the repetitive, rhythmic, sickeningly calming sound of skin connecting with skin.

I can't even cry anymore, I can't shout or scream or move, I just stand there, staring at nothing and waiting for it to be over. I don't even pray for it to be over anymore and I try to recall the last time I prayed, the last time I sent up a plea for my torment to end. I don't even remember that.

So I just stand there, waiting, thinking, until it's over and he drops me and I fall to the ground and blissful darkness takes over me, letting me rest.

* * *

I sit in my room later that night and stare at my computer screen. I want to write, I want a distraction, but inside I'm just filled with confusing, conflicting, overwhelming emotions that I can't keep track of. I don't even know what some of them are. I sit at my desk, in my comfy swivel chair, staring out of slot of my swollen, black eyes and hope for inspiration to come to me.

After a while, my boredom takes over and I decide to check my e-mails. I am surprised by one of them, particularly since I am quite sure I never gave Jace my e-mail address.

 _ **From: Jace Lightwood  
Subject: History Project  
Date: 25**_ _ **November, 2015 5:48pm  
To: Clarissa Morgenstern**_

 _Hey Clary,_

 _Just wondering about the next time we'll meet to work on our project? It's due pretty soon is all and I doubt a little good girl like you would love a late grade._

 _By the way, your name is Clarissa? Do your parents hate you or something?_

 _Jace._

I stare at the last sentence for a few minutes then choose to ignore it, not wanting to deal with the ramifications of delving too deep into that.

 _ **From: Clarissa Morgenstern  
Subject: History Project  
Date: 25 November, 2015 7:56pm  
To: Jace Lightwood**_

 _We could do a session tomorrow in the library. Also, since you brought it up, I am going to assume it's actually you with a late grade fear. Don't 'good girl' me._

 _Clary._

 _PS: If you dare call me Clarissa even once, I will end you._

Satisfied with what I've written, I hit send and check my other e-mails. Just as I go to log off, another e-mail pops in, from Jace.

 _ **From: Jace Lightwood  
Subject: Terrifying women  
Date: 25 November, 2015 8:01pm  
To: Clarissa Morgenstern**_

 _Dear warrior woman,_

 _You remind me of Boadicea with your terrifying threat, madam, so I shall refrain from naming you with your Christian name._

 _Also, I do hate late grades, but don't tell anyone. It could ruin my reputation._

 _Jace_

Anticipating a lot of back and forth, I quickly reply.

 _ **From: Clarissa Morgenstern  
Subject: Reputation already ruined  
Date: 25 November, 2015 8:03pm  
To: Jace Lightwood**_

 _I have three words for you: Batman action figures. Your reputation is gone, golden boy. Deceased, pushing up daisies, it has joined the choir eternal. Let it go._

 _Clary._

 _ **From: Jace Lightwood  
Subject: Curling up into a ball to die  
Date: 25 November, 2015 8:06pm  
To: Clarissa Morgenstern**_

 _Oh, don't remind me of that. Firstly, they're COLLECTABLES. Secondly, stop teasing me about that or I may throw them away and it took me years to assemble all my Batman COLLECTABLE figurines._

 _Come on Clary, you must have something you're nerdy about? Show some mercy, please._

 _Jace._

 _ **From: Clarissa Morgenstern  
Subject: No mercy shall be given  
Date: 25 November, 2015 8:09pm  
To: Jace Lightwood**_

 _Come on Jace, you just admitted you're a nerd! I'll be on your case for centuries now._

 _Clary._

 _ **From: Jace Lightwood  
Subject: Think before you speak  
Date: 25 November, 2015 8:11pm  
To: Clarissa Morgenstern**_

 _There's something else of mine I would prefer you to be on Clary. ;)_

 _Jace._

Once I've read the e-mail, I sit staring at the screen for about ten minutes, unsure of how to reply. I have never been flirted with like that before. Hang on, is that even flirting or am I reading this wrong? I don't even know. I'm confused, my eyes blinking at the screen while I try to figure it out. A bing announces the arrival of another e-mail and so I go to read that one.

 _ **From: Jace Lightwood  
Subject: Breathe Clary  
Date: 25 November, 2015 8:22pm  
To: Clarissa Morgenstern**_

 _I was kidding, Clary. I wanted you to stop bringing up Batman. It worked, didn't it?_

 _Don't worry, I am fully aware I'm in for a shoulder slap tomorrow._

 _Food calls. See you tomorrow._

 _Jace._

Once I've read the e-mail, I unexpectedly laugh, which is the one thing I didn't think I would manage tonight.

* * *

Jace's POV

I am fully aware that I took a gamble last night in sending that e-mail to Clary. To tell you the truth, I needed a distraction and Clary always seems like a good option these days for reasons I have yet to come up with. As Alec pulls up to the curb in front of Taki's to pick Clary up, she hoists up her bag and sits in the back seat, her face hidden behind her beanie, scarf and fluffy hood. I frown at her, worried that she is so cold when the weather is so mild.

"Morning Alec, Isabel, how are you?" She greets my siblings, her voice muffled by her scarf.

"Morning Clary." Alec replies, turning into traffic carefully and slowly. Alec is irritatingly methodical when driving. Actually, Alec is just irritatingly methodical.

"We're absolutely _peachy_ Clary, and do you know _why_?" Isabel piles on, her voice falsely cheerful, her eyes flashing in her visor mirror. I shake my head and look next to me at Clary, who is fidgeting with her jumper sleeves. I wish she wasn't so covered up so I could see her face.

"Erm…" Clary replies, sounding uncomfortable.

"Izzy…" Alec warns lowly, but Isabel pays him no mind.

"We're _peachy_ because our parents are getting _divorced_! Isn't it just _wonderful_ news Clary? Don't you just feel like _jumping_ with overwhelming _joy_?"

"Isabel, there is no need to make Clary uncomfortable. I'm sorry, Clary. It's just a bit of a shock."

"I'm so sorry to hear that, Isabel." Clary says politely, even though it is perfectly obvious that Clary wishes she was anywhere but here. "This must be very hard for you."

"Oh no, I'm actually looking _forward_ to this Clary." Isabel informs her. "Let me tell you why: Visitation and family court, lawyers and solicitors and barristers and mediation, who wants to live where and travelling between houses, all the while having to keep up with friends and school and even work in Alec's case now. Never mind the fact that Mum is being totally selfish in this, wanting a divorce when all Dad needed was some space-"

"Isabel, shut up!" Alec yells unexpectedly, his voice clapping like thunder in the space of the car. "You don't know what happened. Before you blame anyone for anything, get your damn facts straight."

There is a brief, awkward moment of silence before we arrive at school and Isabel grabs her bag, throwing it over her shoulder and marching onto campus, ignoring Alec as he calls out to her. I jump out the car and head towards school, not looking forward to homeroom.

Suddenly and unexpectedly, I feel a hand on my forearm and turn to see Clary looking at me.

"Are you alright Jace?" She asks quietly, and the movement of her mouth causes her scarf to slip and I suddenly see red. And purple. And blue. And swollen eyes and cheeks.

"Never mind me, what the hell happened to you?!" I demand, my hands going to her shoulders and moving her scarf completely out of the way.

She quickly shrugs away and wraps her scarf securely around her face, making sure it's secure, so all I am able to see are her swollen eyes. I frown at her as she jumps away and my brain jumps to possibilities I don't like.

"This is nothing. I fell into my neighbour's bush and this is just a reaction. Nothing to worry about. Just allergies." Clary tells me quickly, backing away even more.

"Allergies did that?" I question her.

"I have really bad hay-fever, okay? I have hay-fever and I'm clumsy. I fell into my neighbour's bush, which I was allergic to. Hence, I had a reaction. Nothing to worry about." Even though she is clearly trying for reassuring, Clary's tone is defensive. I wish I knew what she was thinking.

"Clary…?" I ask, not really sure what I'm asking.

"I'm fine, Jace. I'll see you at lunch to do that project." She tells me hurriedly.

And then she does what she has been doing since we first met: Clary runs away from me.

* * *

 **A/N: So thoughts? Predictions? Requests? Any ideas for songs to listen to while writing this story?**

 **Thank you so much for the feedback last chapter. More than 50 reviews, I am gobsmacked. Seriously, my gob has been smacked.**

 **Also, I would like to mention I also took some inspiration for Max's dialogue in this chapter from a movie called 'What We Did On Our Holiday' which is actually, in my opinion, the best movie I have seen in at least 7 years. It has David Tennant, Rosamund Pike, Billy Connely, Emilia Jones, Bobby Smalldridge and Harriet Turnbull. Unbelievably funny, I honestly had to pause it about seven times so I could have some time to stop laughing and catch my breath. Rant over.** **Anyway, please let me know what you thought of this chapter.**

 **Have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

 **Love Stormy. xoxox**


	9. Let Me Understand

**Disclaimer: Not Cassie Clare and no money is made from this. Unfortunately.**

 **A/N: Hey guys, me again. Huzzah! Big whoop! Yada yada.**

 **The muse descended so another chapter. Rejoice! I am actually sure this one is a record. Anyway, this one has more Magnus (And Ragnor) being awesome friends, although I think there isn't enough humour in this one, bit too angsty, but I might be wrong, let me know.**

 **Thank you to:**

ccmurphy, 4everness, Kdaven84 **and** TrisDaMastiff **for following,**

Kdaven **for favouriting,**

 **And** 4everness **who sent me a PM, plus** reppinda5o3, VMars lover, Flora. Silverthrush, WeArentLost-Yet, Guest **(Yep, Clary's Dad is Valentine in this one)** , Ravenclaw-Shadowhunter-Fae **(Aww, you're going to make me cry)** , Guest **(Thanks for the tip, should be rectified in this chapter)** , Midnight. walker. 22 **and** cecilos **(Thank you) for reviewing. Love you guys to pieces, my darling little teapots!**

 **Also, another thing: one of my guest reviewer guessed that I was British. I am not, however it gave me an idea: If anyone can guess what my nationality is, I will give them a sneak peak of the next chapter in a PM. You guys up for the challenge?**

 **Anyway, enjoy, have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

* * *

Clary's POV

When Isabelle spots Simon and me in the hall between classes, she makes her way over to us to complain about her parents' divorce again and I have to physically restrain myself from ripping my scarf off, shoving my bruised face into hers and telling her to shut the fuck up because I would give anything to be so lucky as to only have the issue of my parents getting divorced.

But instead of doing what I want to do, I skip ahead and ignore the complaining, whining little annoyance and start picking out my textbooks for next class. Just as I go to start heading to class, someone taps my shoulder and I turn to see Magnus and Ragnor looking at me, looking serious and worried.

"Guys?" I ask quickly, concerned that something is wrong.

"Come talk to us for a moment Clary." Magnus requests, gesturing into an alcove between the lockers.

"Both of you?" I reply, raising my eyebrows. Ragnor cocks his head while Magnus nods. "I'm not sure I could handle that much fabulousness in one go, guys." Now Ragnor grins and winks at me.

"Well, give it a go." He says cheekily.

Feeling hesitant and iffy, I follow them into the random alcove and stand opposite them, leaning against the wall, holding my textbook close to my chest. Trying to be subtle, I check how my scarf feels around my face, but apparently I am not subtle enough as both boys in front of me seem to notice.

Reaching into one of his giant pockets inside his absolutely wonderful trench-coat- which I would definitely steal if it would fit me- Ragnor takes out a simple, rectangular, white box and looks down at it, fiddling with the edges.

"Clary, we're going to give you something and you have absolutely no choice but to accept it, do you understand?" Magnus explains and I smirk at him, knowing he can't see my smirk.

"Sounds ominous." I tell him.

I look towards Ragnor as he passes me the little box and I take a look at the front of it. My eyes widen to an impossible size as I see the picture and writing on the front.

Magnus and Ragnor have given me an iPhone 6S Plus.

"Guys, thank you, but I can't accept this." I tell them quickly, trying to push the box back at them, but in a synchronised, graceful moment, they both cross their arms over their chest and shake their heads. It would be amusing if I wasn't so shocked.

"We told you Clary- you have no choice. We got this for you." Ragnor informs me, one side of his face curling up in amusement.

"But- why?" I question.

"Because you need it. If you… _fall over_ again, call us, or anyone else we put in that phone and we'll be there _straight_ away, to help you and take you wherever you need to go. Okay?" Magnus' voice is beseeching and ringing with hidden meaning.

I can't reply, stuck frowning at him as I try to figure out what he means.

How can he know? How can they both know? I've been so careful, how did they figure it out? And what do I do now? How can I continue being their friend now?

What the hell am I supposed to do now?

"It's going to be okay, biscuit." Magnus reassures me and unexpectedly, I feel tears prick my eyes.

When I look up at the boys, the looks on both their faces is unbearable. Their faces are filled with such concern; it almost looks like brotherly love.

So clutching my books and my new phone, I run away from them, ignoring the concerned calls of my friends and the annoyed words of my schoolmates as I bump into them in my mad, blind scramble away from the affection I can't handle.

* * *

Jace's POV

Isabelle is possibly the most annoying person on the face of the planet. If the planet had a face, Isabelle would be like a gigantic, obvious pimple on the tip of the world's nose, that's how annoying she is.

Okay, maybe I should cut her some slack. But come on, I have been expecting this news for months, years actually. It is no surprise and we can't do anything about it so honestly, the reaction she is having is ridiculous and over-the-top. She's been telling everyone about it all day, demanding sympathy and getting annoyed when people aren't as outraged as her.

Honestly, she even asked for sympathy from Will. Not only is she annoying, she's also idiotic.

Grumbling to myself, I head to the library to meet up with Clary to work on our project. I don't mind the library. It's quiet, as all libraries should be, with a decent non-fiction section and lots of space for spreading out to work. There are even some bean bags to snuggle up into in the fiction section. And I have not resisted the urge to jump headfirst into one of them to see if it will explode. Twice.

Scanning the study section of the library, a corner of the library with dozens of tables and chairs, I look for Clary and spot her still completely covered head and amble over. It's when I'm about five feet away from her that I notice her shoulders shaking and hear her raged sobs. I pick up the pace and plop my butt down in the seat next to her.

"Clary, what's wrong?" I ask, hoping my tone is soothing. Quickly, her head turns towards mine and her sobs quieten.

"Nothing just- Magnus and Ragnor gave me this." She informs me, passing a box over to me. My eyes widen at the iPhone logo on the front and I glance at Clary.

"Bastards." I summarise flatly, still confused as to why she was crying. Clary chuckles weakly and wipes under her eyes with her fingertips.

"Nah, I just- Don't know what to do with that. Anyway, not important, we're not here for that, are we?"

We spend the rest of lunch going through our project and we come up with quite a few talking points, plus some things we need to do more research on. But I don't really pay attention to the assignment as much as I should.

As we work, Clary is constantly checking her scarf and beanie, making sure her face is covered. It's hard to hear her speak. And apparently, her left arm still hurts from that fall she took _ages_ ago. And she's jumpy all the time, doesn't like people touching her, she's so surprised that she _cries_ when someone makes a friendly gesture. What is up with this girl?

I don't like the conclusions I'm drawing. Something is wrong, very wrong. Something is scaring her; something is making her guarded and careful, thinking she has to hide. Something made Magnus and Ragnor give her the phone she was so surprised to receive.

I don't know what it is- nor do I think I want to know- but something tells me I have to find out.

* * *

That night when we get home after school and coffee at Taki's, Mum is sitting with Max at the dining room table.

I have never seen the point of our dining room table, as we choose to eat either at the kitchen bench or in front of the TV, so when Mum is sitting at the dining room table with a serious look on her face, you know some monumental shit is about to hit the metaphorical fan.

"Kids, come and sit down." Mum instructs.

Alec walks calmly over, sitting down next to Max and giving him a one-armed hug. Isabelle crosses her arms over her chest and steps over to the chair farthest away from Mum. Once three of her kids are sitting, Mum looks over at me expectedly.

See, this is exactly the reason I hate being the middle child.

The oldest child knows exactly what to do: be the responsible, caring, supportive one, the one who instantly does the intelligent thing.

The youngest child just sits and looks bored or like they want to be anywhere but there.

The only girl of the family has the ability to be sulking and irritating and get away with it.

Then there's me. What do I do? Do I sit next to Isabelle and act as a buffer? Do I sit next to Mum to show support? Do I sit somewhere in the middle to be mediator?

Oh, fuck my life.

Biting the bullet, I sit on the far side, directly in between Isabelle and Mum, push my chair out and lean my legs far out, crossing my arms over my chest, trying to look nonchalant. By the amused but exhausted look Alec sends me, I've failed.

"Looks, kids, I know that right now there are some things going on between me and your father that you're not exactly pleased about," Izzy snorts. Mum ignores her. "But the thing is, this marriage can't work. We've tried; it failed, so there's no point in prolonging the inevitable. A divorce is the best thing for everyone."

"You mean the best thing for _you_." My sister accuses, her tone haughty.

"No, I mean best for everyone. Your father and I can no longer be married to each other; it's as simple as that. And you can kick and fight and scream and be dragged behind the horse all you like, Isabelle, but the end result will be exactly the same, so you might as well just accept it." Mum's voice is strong and unwavering, and there is a split second of silence before Isabelle drops her glare to the table top and juts out her chin, looking about five years old. "Now, that doesn't mean that you won't be able to see your father. Of course, we'd love for you guys to go back and forth as much as you like, so long as it doesn't impede on schooling. And if you want to live with him instead of me, I understand that too."

At the last sentence, Mum's tight control finally slips, just for a moment, but I can tell how much that last statement cost her to say. I look over at Alec and Max. Alec is holding Max's hand under the table, and when I notice the look in Alec's eyes, I instantly look away. I have never seen my big brother look so worried.

"Mum, of course we want to live with you. Dad's all the way on the other side of the city." Alec reassures Mum.

"Yeah, and we've got that really great book store around the corner. Dad's bookstore sucks." Max piles on and I can't help but chuckle a bit at the innocence of my baby brother.

"That was your plan, wasn't it? That's why you moved us all the way over here: so we can never see Dad." Isabelle alleges and instantly Alec shouts out an indignant 'Oy!' but both females in the room ignore him.

"Of course not, don't be stupid." Mum replies, sounding offended.

"Of course it is! Why else would we have moved here! I mean for God's sake, we had a good life back in the old house. Why are you and Dad getting divorced? What did you do?!"

"You're just assuming I did something! Your father's and my divorce has nothing to do with you and I don't need to explain myself to you, Isabelle. I don't want to have to change your opinion of your father."

"You're a liar! Just tell me why this is happening! Why are you ruining my life?!" Isabelle screams.

Pulling Max by the hand, Alec leads our youngest brother out of the room. I wish I could join them, but I feel stuck and frozen, unable to take my eyes off the two screaming ladies.

"Stop being so dramatic! I am not ruining your life! Your father and I will just continue being separated, only with a piece of paper that says it's legal."

"Why does it have to be legal? Why would Dad want a divorce? You were working this out!"

"I tried, Isabelle! God, I tried." And suddenly Mum starts crying, burying her face in her hands while she weeps, her shoulders shaking, gruesome sounds escaping her mouth as she tries to hold it in. "Believe me, Isabelle, I didn't want this. But I have no choice."

"Mum?" Finally, Izzy sounds reasonable as she stares at our normally strong but now broken mother.

I don't know what to do, how to act right now. This is not something I've ever experienced before. Mum has never cried in front of me. And suddenly, she looks small, fragile, no longer a force to be reckoned with. And I wonder what could have possibly happened that made her break like this.

"Mum, talk to me. Let me understand." Isabelle coaxes, walking around to Mum's side of the table.

"I tried to work past it, for you kids, to get over it and just let it go. But- but-"

"Mum, just try to breathe." I finally say, coming over and placing my hand on Mum's shoulder.

"He cheated on me." Mum finally admits. My world stops spinning and I flail about madly inside my head. "He cheated on me and I thought I could move past that. But he fell in love with her. And I can't-" Mum is overtaken by harsh sobs again, unable to say anymore.

"Oh Mum!" Instantly, Izzy is on the chair next to Mum's hugging her hard as my hands curl into fists.

I am suddenly furious. I am so furious, I'm almost scared. But I make the decision anyway.

"Alec!" I should into the hallway. "I'm taking the Honda!"

Clary's POV

That night, I spend about three hours after lights out exploring my new phone. Magnus must have downloaded at least 15 apps, and he's already organised that I have an obscene amount of credit on there- and has sent me a text saying that if I dare pay for it, he will hunt me down and suffocate me with a feather boa. I kind of believe him.

In my contacts, I have the numbers of Magnus, Ragnor, Simon, Catarina, Sophie, Jem, Will, Gideon, Tessa and Alec. To be honest, I'm extremely surprised that I got even that much. I figured that I would have Magnus, Ragnor, Simon and _maybe_ Cat. It shocks me that so many of my almost-friends would want me to have their contact details and again, it makes me want to cry.

Thinking about how emotional I was when the boys gave me my gift, I feel that sense of dread clutch at me again, making me fear the phone I hold in my hands. Wanting that feeling to go the fuck away, I lock my phone and hide it in a shoe box under my bed, then go to my desk and collect my laptop, too jazzed up to sleep.

I spend about half an hour playing online chess and then get bored of that so decide to check my e-mails. What I see there sends a shiver down my spine.

* * *

 **A/N: Sooooo, I'll leave it there. Mwahaha. Let me know what you thought, predictions, requests, suggestions, song titles, etc. And don't forget, if you guess the country I'm from correctly, I'll send you a sneak peak of the next chapter in a PM, so go hard.**

 **Anyway, I'm done for the day. See you later, my wonderfuls.**

 **Have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

 **Love Stormy. xoxox**


	10. Let Me Give You Some Advice

**Disclaimer: I am not Cassandra Clare.**

 **A/N: Hey guys, me again. I am on a roll!**

 **Just to those who were wondering, I am Australian, so well done to 4everness, Ravenclaw-Shadowhunter-Fae, and WeArentLost-Yet who guessed right and got the sneak peak as a reward.**

 **Thank you to:**

Cazzie1128, Missy 63,vivianpr07, sadie1900 **and** clar124 **for following,**

Cazzie1128 **and** Missy 63 **for favouriting**

 **And** reppinda5o3, cecilos, 4everness, Flora. Silverthrush, WeArentLost-Yet, Ravenclaw-Shadowhunter-Fae, Guest, Huntergirl117, ROXN **and** Midnight. walker. 22 **for reviewing, you wonderful, darling cucumbers.**

 **I do feel kind of bad that I left on a cliff-hanger, but at the same time, I was called evil which for a bizarre reason made me grin like a cat with cream so that was worth it I suppose. Anyway, cliff-hanger will be un-cliff-hanger-ed in this chapter so yay!**

 **Anyway, I'll let you at it, so enjoy, have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

* * *

Clary's POV

I stare at the screen for about two minutes without blinking. I am honestly scared by what I see there, not entirely sure what I should do.

Ever since I sent that e-mail to my brother, I have been dreading his reply. Have you ever said something when you were angry that you instantly regretted as soon as you said it? Yeah, well, that's precisely what happened to me.

Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and open the e-mail from my brother.

 _ **From: Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern  
Subject: I'm sorry  
Date: 4 December, 2015 8:37  
To: Clarissa Morgenstern**_

 _Baby sis,_

 _I'm sorry it took so long to reply._

 _I'm sorry about your fingers and your wrists and your arm and your shoulders and your collarbones and your ribs and your pelvis and your hip and your knees and your scalp and your cheekbone and your lung and everything else._

 _I do remember the promise I made and I'm so sorry I didn't keep it. I'm sorry I made you suffer. I'm sorry I made you cry. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. I'm sorry I didn't save you. I'm sorry I abandoned you. I'm sorry you weren't at my wedding._

 _I'm sorry I let Dad hurt you._

 _Clary, you don't know how hard I tried to get enough for both of us. You don't know how many times I tried to get to you._

 _I tried, I really did, but then when everything started getting good and everything, I convinced myself that as soon as I was properly settled, I would jump in the car and come for you. But then I kept on convincing myself that I would do it tomorrow, then tomorrow's kept turning into more tomorrow's and soon, I had completely lost track of it all._

 _I've been thinking about this since I got your e-mail and I think I know why now: I'm selfish Clary. I always have been, you know that. My life is so good now, so perfect, and I didn't want a reminder of how shitty it had been. I didn't want a reminder of the time my life seemed like a prison._

 _So I chose myself over you. And I'm so sorry Clary._

 _I'm so, so sorry._

 _Love always and a thousand sorry's._

 _Jon_

I stare at the screen for another few seconds, before I slam the screen down and drop my laptop next to my bed.

Then I turn my face to the wall and cry myself to sleep.

* * *

Jace's POV

I slam the brakes on in Alec's Honda, parking badly on the side of the street outside Dad's apartment complex. I open the door quickly, slam the door closed and march towards the door, pressing the number for Dad's apartment without a second's thought.

"Who is it?" Dad's voice comes through the speaker sounding exhausted and vaguely irritated.

"Hi Dad." I reply, trying to make sure he doesn't hear the unbridled rage in my voice.

"Oh, Jace, hi, come on up." He buzzes me in and I open the door, deciding to take the stairs instead of the lift.

Stupidly, I didn't actually think of anything to say on the ride over, too focused instead of keeping my anger under control. I don't think I have ever been this furious. I don't necessarily see red but I want to. Preferably blood red, trickling from the nose of my conceited, arrogant, self-righteous, bigoted, racist, homophobic, hypocritical, cheating _prick_ of a father.

I bang on the door louder than I should and Dad answers the door looking concerned.

"Everything okay?" He asks instead of saying hello. I shrug past him and turn to face him as he closes the door.

"Mum told us about the divorce." I tell him point blank. Dad raises his eyebrows in surprise and runs his hand over his jaw.

"I thought we were going to tell you together." He mutters to himself. "I guess you have some questions?" He asks me.

"Just one," I reply. "How the fuck can you live with yourself you cheating son of a bitch?" Again, my father raises his eyebrows in surprise, but then his shoulders slump in defeat.

"So Maryse told you?"

"Of course she did. I can get top secrets out of James frigging Bond. How could you do that to my mother?" I demand.

"Look, Jace, the thing is: your mother and I have been drifting apart for a long time and… there are a lot of factors-"

"Oh, _fuck_. _Off_! There is only _one_ factor- you _cheated_ on my _mother_! You fucked up Dad! Don't you dare try to worm yourself out of this one!"

"I admit, I made a mistake, but-"

"No, you self-serving piece of rat _filth_ , there is no 'but'! There are some things you just _do not do_! You do not kick puppies. You do not steal a jacket from a homeless person. You do not give drugs to orphans. _You do not cheat on your wife_!"

"Jace, calm down, please-"

"What, you don't like someone pointing out how much of a bastard you are? Well build a bridge and get the fuck over it! Because I didn't drive for an hour in traffic to calmly discuss this over tea and scones!" At this point, I am right in his face and my father, who used to terrify me, suddenly looks very small. "Let me give you some advice Dad: Do _not_ call the house, do _not_ come to the house, do _not_ contact me or my siblings unless they give you _written_ consent and do _not_ think for a single _second_ that any of us will be living with you after what you did."

"Jace, I think you're going a bit far-" And before I can think, my fist is flying.

It connects with his face with an awful snap and pain lances through my knuckles, hand and arm as my father falls to the floor.

"That's your only warning, old man. My family is not yours anymore."

Stepping over the pained body of my father, I open the front door and slam it closed, feeling like a weight had been lifted off my chest when my father officially stopped being a part of my life.

* * *

Clary's POV

"Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Eh, slightly wrong. That's alright. Wrong. Wrong. _Wrong_! That's so wrong it's literally painful. Oh, here we go." Finally deciding that at least one artist on my playlist is tolerable, Jace clicks on it and starts to listen, bobbing his head along with the music. "I can't believe you have Hannah Montana on your iPhone."

"It's _Miley Cyrus_." I inform him, crossing my arms over my chest in annoyance. "And she writes good lyrics." Jace grins mockingly, still listening to my music. "Shut up."

As we sit on the bench waiting for everyone else to turn up for lunch, we share headphones and compare music. Thus far, about eighty percent of my music 'sucks', ten percent is 'barely tolerable' and the last ten percent is 'actually surprisingly good'.

I scroll through his artists, feeling annoyingly disheartened because most of his songs and artists are actually pretty great. But then, on the second scroll when I'm actually paying attention, I strike gold.

"'Disney's Greatest Hits'?" I ask casually, and smirk when I notice Jace freezing, his eyes widening in mortification. "'Disney's Greatest Hits- Volume 2'? 'Disney's Greatest Hits- 2015'?" Finally, his eyes snap closed.

"Please just leave it like it's totally normal for a seventeen year old guy to have Disney on his iPod."

"Oh no, I most definitely will not." I chuckle as I click on the Disney file. "Hmm, let's see… _The Little Mermaid_ , _The Hunchback of Notre Dame_ , _The Lion King_ , _Beauty and the Beast_... hmm… This will take some thinking about."

"Clary… please don't tell Will."

My head still directed towards the iPod screen, I move my eyes so that I can see Jace's face. His golden eyes are lost and pleading, his mouth turned down at the corners. My smirk stretches wider and I make absolutely no promises.

I lock his screen so I can open it as soon as I see people so I get some revenge on him calling my stockpile of One Direction 'the breakdown of civilised society as we know it.' Despite the fact that I may agree with him to a certain extent, it was too far.

Thinking- foolishly- that I have forgotten his Disney playlist, he continues listening to my music, his head bobbing, his golden hair falling into his eyes. It's distracting.

It's at moments like this when Jace is so attractive it's kind of annoying. When he was created, did the universe just decide to give him all the attractiveness of seven people and think 'yeah, that's about right.'? Because if that's the case, screw the universe. It's unfair.

It's unfair to the children- for reasons I'll come up with later- think of the children!

Finally, after scouting the school yard, I spot the perfect people coming towards us: Will, Gideon, Magnus and Maia.

Standing up and running towards them, I start yelling immediately: "Jace has Disney on his iPod! Jace has Disney on his iPod!"

Hearing that proclamation, Jace instantly stands and sprints towards me, holding my arms by my side while trying to cover my mouth.

"She's delusional! Don't listen to her!"

I pull his hand away quickly and break free; staring at him with what I instinctively know is a terrified expression. Not noticing, Will takes Jace's iPod from my hand and opens it, laughing as he looks at the playlist I left on there.

"Oh God Jace, seriously?! Sweet Jesus, you have _Frozen_ on here!" Will proclaims while I try to calm my breathing.

 _'He's not going to hurt you.'_ I tell myself silently. _'He's not going to hurt you.'_

"I didn't put it on there! It was Max." Jace argues, sounding defensive.

 _'He's not going to hurt you. He's not going to hurt you.'_

"Oh sure, blame your kid brother." Gideon piles on. "But see, I know for a fact that Max hates _Frozen_. _Hates_ it. So… that argument just flew out the window. Try again."

 _'He's not going to hurt you. No one is going to hurt you.'_

"Okay, maybe it wasn't Max. Maybe it was Isabelle." Jace tries to justify.

 _'Calm down, Clary. You're safe.'_

"Either way, you have Disney on your iPod. You know what that means." Someone says.

 _'For the love of God, Clary, calm down. They're going to notice.'_

"That means a round of karaoke. If you're good, we'll shut up. If not, mocking for life."

 _'Please calm down, you can't do this here.'_

"Clary?" "Clary?" "Hey Bluey, what's wrong?"

 _'They're noticing! Snap out of it Clary!'_

And then I feel a hand on my shoulder, fingers running through mine, a finger pushing my chin up and green eyes connecting with my own. I see a moving, purple-painted mouth but don't process it, hear strange sounds coming from it and know somehow that it means something, but I can't figure it out.

 _'Think Clary, think!'_

"Clary, listen to me." Something finally penetrates, and I know that voice.

 _'That's it, Clary, focus. Breathe.'_

"Clary, look at me. _Look_ at me." And finally, _finally_ , I'm back, and I can breathe and I know it's Magnus- Magnus who has never hurt me, who has never laughed at me, who has always been good to me. Magnus who helps me, who laughs with me, who talks to me. Magnus who gave me a phone to protect myself.

My friend, Magnus.

"Clary, come on, we'll go sit somewhere, come on." He coaxes gently and I am fascinated by the way his shiny lips move, how soft his voice is. Magnus has a nice voice. Why didn't I notice it before?

"Magnus?" I ask- half of a question I don't know how to finish.

"Yeah Biscuit, it's me. Come on." I feel tugging on my fingers and follow after the pull, feeling Magnus settle an arm around my shoulder.

Good Magnus. Friend Magnus. Magnus won't hurt me. I'm safe with Magnus.

Just as we go to pass Jace- who is standing open mouthed like a fish staring at me- Magnus stops us and glares right at him, looking intimidating and I have to remind myself again that Magnus won't hurt me.

"You _do not_ touch my Biscuit without permission. Am I clear this time?" He growls, and I know that I shouldn't giggle but I want to- Magnus called me 'Biscuit'. I'm not a biscuit.

Slowly, very slowly, Jace nods, still staring at me, but Magnus leads me away so I can't look at his pretty face. It makes me sad.

* * *

Jace's POV

I stare after Clary and Magnus as they walk away, Magnus whispering in Clary's ear while she keeps her head down.

I am confused. I don't understand what happened. One minute, she seemed fine, laughing at me about my Disney songs, then the next she was small and muttering to herself, not responding when all of us called out to her.

Clary confuses me. Sometimes, she seems confident and sure of herself; sometimes she's panicking so severely she doesn't even register voices. She doesn't like people touching her, but she doesn't seem to panic when I grab her hand or touch her shoulder. I can't keep up with her.

"I honestly don't know what happened." I say out loud, hoping someone here can explain it to me. Looking over at Gideon, Will and Maia, I see all three of them looking sad and uncomfortable.

"Clary is a very complicated girl." Gideon starts.

"She kind of has a touch phobia." Maia adds. "Not about germs or anything but she doesn't like being hugged or held. I think she feels swamped or suffocated, like claustrophobia. Normally, she only allows you to hug her if you ask. Or if you're Simon or Magnus."

"Plus she's very guarded in what she says. She's normally very quiet. She kind of just… watches." Gideon agrees.

"She was okay until a few years ago when her brother left town. She's been getting steadily worse since then though, all of us have noticed. And she's not allowed out or to have friends over on weekends so she's kind of stuck wandering inside her own head. And she was very close with her brother so I think she's lost the emotional connection and kind of… shut down."

"Okay." I reply. "But what exactly was _that_?"

"Clary has _anxiety_ attacks, and then she has _panic_ attacks- two very different things in Clary's case. Anxiety attacks are easy to deal with, she just has to breathe and she'll be fine. With panic attacks, she kind of retreats into herself so far it's like she turns into a different person. It's like she goes from being Clary at age seventeen to Clary at age eight."

"So that was a panic attack?"

"Yeah." Maia sighs and sits down, starting to eat her lunch. "You get used to it. Normally Simon or Magnus can get her to come back. She just needs time."

I stand in silence for a while, staring in the direction Clary and Magnus walked in, wanting to know if she's okay. I have an idea that she will not be okay, and the thought fills me with a sudden and unexpected urge- no need- to go to her and look after her, protect her, make her smile again.

"Jace." I hear Will say and I turn towards him. "Trust me: leave it alone for now."

I think about what he said for about two minutes before deciding to follow his advice. I don't want to, but I have a feeling that going near Clary right now will just make things worse.

* * *

 **A/N: So thoughts? Somebody asked for more Clace so that had a bit of Clace in there, but next chapter should have a lot more. Please leave a review and let me know what you think, I'm sure there are things I need to work on.**

 **Anyway, I'll let you go.**

 **Have fun, say hi, REVIEWW! Please?**

 **Love Stormy. xoxox**


	11. Let Me Get This Straight

**Disclaimer: Not Cassandra Clare, don't make any money off this. Because my life is stupid.**

 **A/N: Hey guys, sorry it's been ages. I've had a lot of crap going on- birthdays and funerals and gigs and shite, much fun, very exhausting, you don't care. Anyway, my point is, I finally got another chapter up so YAY! We are heading towards Jace becoming more sure of Clary's situation and I am enjoying people asking when he will find out but no spoilers, of course, so read on, dear beloved capsicums, because I do so love teasing you.**

 **Thank you to:**

AngleWithAShotGun, Caib143, Thesignedmango, susan4priya, ArrowHead53, Loreen41329, fallingstars97, Too Wicked for this World, The Sad Rose **and** GodIHopeNot **for following,**

In Love With The Cullen Boys, Thesignedmango, susan4priya, Loreen41319, fallingstars97, Too Wicked for this World **and** GodIHopeNot **for favouriting**

 **And** citrusunicorn, Midnight. walker. 22, Flora. Silverthrush, reppinda5o3, WeAren'tLost-Yet, Missy 63, sophie king **and** The Sad Rose **for reviewing you brilliant little mushrooms.**

 **Anyway, let me know what you think of it. This chapter is a bit short but I think it made sense to leave it there.**

 **Let me know what you think.**

 **Enjoy, have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

* * *

Clary's POV

It takes a long time for me to come back, longer than normal.

I don't like my brain, let me just say that outright. There are many confusing, irritating layers to it and I dislike every single one of them.

There is the school layer, the one that is satisfied to sit and listen, the one who can have a quippy conversation and get people to laugh sometimes- that one is probably the layer I can tolerate best.

There is the home layer, the scared little idiot who tiptoes around everything, never talks too loud, never laughs or drops guard. The one that is constantly scared and crying.

Then there is the panic layer- the one I hate the most. It hardly ever rears its ugly head but I can always feel it there, lurking in the back of my head, ready to come out and push everyone away the moment I lose myself.

It's difficult to describe what happens. Have you ever been so tired that suddenly, it's like your brain kind of disconnects and it's like you've floated out of your body and are watching yourself do stupid shit that you can't control? It's kind of like that but a thousand times worse because no matter what I do, I can't fight back, because that layer that turns up is not me being tired- it's the _real_ me.

Scared, alone, unloved. Unlovable.

Magnus has lead me into a spot that is kind of a secret between us both- a spot right at the back of the school where a circle of scrub hides a lovely little meadow type thing. We found it a few years back when we were hiding from one of the teachers and have been coming back ever since when either of us needs a timeout.

Once I've come back, I raise my face from my bent knees and look over at Magnus, who is lying down on the grass with an arm thrown over his eyes. I notice vaguely that Magnus looks especially good today- perfectly fitted, red skinny-jeans and bright yellow shirt, rings on every finger, including the one his mother gave him before she died, hair spiked and chalked, purple-painted lips and blue shadowed eyes.

"If you start flirting with me, I may have to hit you." Magnus says, apparently able to tell that I have been gazing at him for a few minutes. I chuckle half-heartedly and lay my chin on my arms, piled on top of my knees. "You alright now?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry about that. I made you miss lunch." I reply, feeling ashamed of my freak-out.

"Lunch is overrated. I'll grab something at Taki's later." Breathing an exhausted sigh, Magnus pushes himself off the grass and faces me. "Talk to me, Clary." He beseeches but I don't really understand what he means.

"About what?" I ask.

"Anything. What's worrying you. What you can't tell anybody else. I won't spill, I am a vault. A very stylish, skinny vault, but a vault all the same." I think quickly, knowing he needs me to tell him something but unable to tell him what he wants to know most.

"Jonathan e-mailed me." I say, my voice soft. Magnus raises his perfectly-arched eyebrows at me.

"Uh-huh. And what did the scum of the earth say?"

"Not much." I evade. "He started a security business. Bought an apartment. Got married."

"Let me get this straight: He got married?! Without asking me to plan it? I am personally offended." Magnus informs me, sounding outraged.

"His wife is pregnant."

"I feel sorry for that child, not having my gloriousness around to admire and strive for." I roll my eyes. "How will that kid know what to do with their life without me to guide them? They are doomed, officially, totally doomed."

And finally, for the first time in two weeks, I laugh about the e-mail Jonathan sent me. It feels good to laugh instead of weep. It feels less heavy; less like my chest is going to crack from the weight of it. And this is why I like Magnus: he's got a totally different way of looking at the world, and it gives me a vague sense of hope.

"You alright?" Magnus asks again, sounding less serious but still concerned. I smile at him, trying to reassure him. He grins back at me, his white teeth glimmering in the afternoon sun. "There's my Biscuit."

And slowly, so I know what he's doing, he wraps an arm around my shoulder and pulls me towards him, and we talk till the bell goes to signal home time.

* * *

Jace's POV

Later at Taki's, Magnus, Simon, Alec, Isabelle, Clary and I sit at a table and share a bowl of chips and drink coffee.

While everyone converses, I find myself constantly checking Clary's face, making sure she's okay. As soon as I saw her walking with Magnus to the carpark at school, looking like she normally does, I ran towards her and instantly apologised, but she just brushed it aside and requested that we just forget about it.

When we arrived at the café, everyone seemed to have forgotten about it or just weren't aware of it. I didn't know what to make of it. How could her friends just leave aside the fact that she had basically completely broken down in front of them? Was it really that common?

The fact that Clary was basically constantly on my mind and my go-to girl for a good distraction had not escaped my notice. I did like her quite a bit- she was funny, not frazzled by my humour, intelligent and really sweet. But did her issues outweigh her good things? Normally, I'll admit, Clary would be the kind of girl I would find myself pursuing. But how could I do that when I couldn't even touch her?

Ugh, frustrating.

"I smell something burning." Alec interrupts my thoughts. "Stop thinking so hard, Jace. You'll set your brain on fire." Blinking, I zone back in on the conversation and notice that everyone is looking at me. Smirking would actually be a better description.

"Who are we talking about?" I ask and they laugh, apparently believing I am joking.

"So anyway, I'm having a get-together," Magnus informs the group. "A small gathering, if you will, to celebrate another year of my wonderful and most beloved roommate, who has stuck by me in the bad times, provided a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on, who has laughed with me when situations were amusing and never doubted my fashion choices. A marvellous and wonderful creature, who never failed to-"

"Stop beating around the bush Magnus. You're having a birthday party for your cat." Simon interrupts Magnus' monologue and everyone at the table laughs, turning their smirks towards the very bright male and away from me. Magnus looks indignant.

"I am most certainly _not_ having a mediocre _birthday_ _party_ , Sean. I am having a _celebration of life_! A _glorious_ celebration, not one of those boring _parties_ any idiot like you could put together. I am offended."

"Just ignore them Magnus. It's what I do." Alec consoles the seemingly traumatised bloke, placing a hand on top of his. Making a pitiful, whimpering noise, Magnus burrows his face into Alec's neck. My eyes widen in surprise.

"Scott insulted my celebration of life, Alexander."

"I know and it was very naughty of him. I'm sure you'll get your revenge somehow."

"Don't mock me." Alec rolls his eyes at Magnus' bossy tone and I have to look away, not really understanding what is going on there.

My eyes connect with Clary's, who is looking over at Magnus and Alec with an amused yet weirded-out expression. I see something in her eyes then, one of those strange, longing, yearning looks I have seen so often when her friends start making plans for out-of-school activities, and all of a sudden, I feel inexplicably peeved.

I feel frustrated with whatever it is that has made her shut herself off from the world. I feel annoyed that she can't live her life. I feel irritated that the only thing she looks forward to in life is the limited amount of time she gets with her friends at school. And I feel utterly, utterly pissed off that whatever it is that limits her, limits her to the point where she can barely get through the day without something setting her off.

Some of my thinking must be shown on my face, because she frowns right at me then sends me a questioning glance. I shake my head and shrug, looking back towards Magnus, who is still going on and on about his stupid cat's stupid birthday party.

* * *

Clary's POV

When I get home, the house is quiet but in a way that doesn't really scare me. Instead of a dangerous, get-out-of-here-right-now vibe, there's more of a have-a-cup-of-tea vibe.

So, deciding to listen to the vibe, I dump my bag next to the stairs and go to make myself a cup of tea.

I am not normally a tea person- I do not drink tea normally- but it's been the sort of week where having a cup of tea seems like the perfect way to de-stress.

In the kitchen, I reach for the box that holds our tea collection and ruffle through, trying to find one that sounds exciting.

"Great minds think alike." I hear my mum's voice from the kitchen door and turn to see her leaning against the threshold, looking almost whole and almost happy.

She starts heading towards me and picks a tea for herself, asking me if I want the same thing. I decide to go with it. After our tea is made, we head into the dining room and sit down.

"So how's everything Clary?" My mother asks, like she's expecting an honest answer.

' _It's fabulous Mum._ ' I think bitterly. ' _I have a father who beats me, a mother who can't protect me, a brother who doesn't give a shit and I have to hide all of this from the only people who may give the slightest inkling of a shit because I'm so goddamn afraid of my own fucking father murdering me with his bare hands._ '

"Everything is fine Mum." I say out loud. I take a sip of my tea so Mum can't see my eyes.

"I know you're lying Clary."

"Mum…" I don't want to have this conversation again.

"You know why he does it, don't you? He can't help it. It's not his fault." I turn away from my mother, choking back tears, unable to meet the certain, serious gaze of my mother.

' _Please don't tell me this again Mum. Please stop._ ' I beg silently, already anticipating Mum's next words.

"It's our fault; you know that, don't you? We need to be respectful and follow the rules. But we don't sometimes so it's our fault."

"Mum…"

"It's our job to show respect to your father as man of this house and when we don't, he has to make sure we learn our lesson."

"Mum-"

"Your father is a good man, Clary. He just has certain standards." I close my eyes as Mum keeps talking.

I've seen photos of my mother before she married my father. Seen how wild she was, how she was always out doing things with friends, having a different hair-cut every week, in a different place every day.

Seeing Mum like this now, so submissive, so compliant, so utterly, utterly broken is so disturbing and completely terrifying. I can't continue to just watch this. I can't stand by and let my mother fade away completely. But what can I do?

"I got an email from Jonathan." I tell my mother quickly, wanting to change the subject. My mother's eyes immediately tear up and she looks away from me.

"How is he?" She asks after a few moments, her voice so small I can hardly hear.

"I think he's okay, Mum. He started up a business and has a great apartment. He's very excited about his TV- apparently it's huge." Mum chuckles softly and sadly, tears shining in her eyes.

"He always did love vegging in front of the TV, didn't he?"

"He… he got married." I say quietly. Mum's eyes dart to mine, looking shattered. "He married a lady called Seelie." Suddenly, Mum looks faraway and I know she is remembering my brother and I can see how much it hurts to remember.

"My little boy." Mum murmurs softly to herself. "My little Jonathan."

"Mum-" I try to soothe her but she comes back to herself quickly and almost glares at me, looking suddenly hostile.

"Go to your room Clary." She snaps, and I instantly open my mouth to reply, suddenly hurt. "Go to your room. Do your homework or sketch something- just do it away from me."

And before the rational half of my brain can figure out that she is just lashing out because she is hurt and misses her son, I jump up and sprint upstairs to my room, slamming my door closed as loudly as I can.

* * *

 **A/N: So thoughts? Let me know your reaction, some feedback will be lovely.**

 **My next update should be up a bit quicker because all I'm going to be doing over the next few weeks is watching Star Trek at the cinemas. So excited!**

 **Anyway, I'll leave you to it. Hope you enjoyed it and send me a review if you can.**

 **Have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

 **Love Stormy. xoxox**


	12. Let Me Just Offer

**Disclaimer: I am not Cassandra Clare and do not own The Mortal Instruments.**

 **A/N: Hey guys, me again! Bit early this one and to be honest, I'm not entirely happy with this one, seems to be missing someone but I don't have a beta and can't figure it out. If anyone wants to volunteer for that, I'd be really grateful.**

 **I'd like to thank:**

JeniLynn86, Jling, MyLOveTMI, captainkillian17, heartofsnowflakes, Zoe0405, catastrophicmindm frankierchardi, Sabiduria **and** Aidynsong **for following,**

JeniLynn86, Flora. Silverthrush, henry2421, Zoe0405 **and** Sabiduria **for favoriting**

And Flora. Silverthrush, reppinda5o3, cecilos, Too Wicked for this World, Niamh **(Guest)** VMars lover, WeArentLost-Yet **(Thank you, I'm really glad you liked the last chapter and the new Star Trek is frigging amazing. Although they needed to flesh out Krall a bit more in my opinion)** Sabiduria **(Wow, you've been busy, thank you so much!)** Aidynsong and Midnight. walker. 22 **(Thank you) for reviewing.**

 **I really love you all so much, and your feedback means a lot to me. I'm nearly at 100 reviews... wow. Just... wow. I never thought I would get even close to that so thank you guys so so much.**

 **Anyway, I'll let you at it. Please let me know what you think.**

 **Enjoy, have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

* * *

Clary's POV

 _I am an idiot. I am an idiot. I am an idiot._

As I sit in my room two days after I told my mother about Jonathan's email, the mantra repeats over and over in my head.

 _I am an idiot. I am an idiot. I am an idiot._

I hear my father screaming at my mother, calling her horrible names; hear the crash of furniture and home décor he knocks over while he stalks her through the house.

 _I am an idiot. I am an idiot. I am an idiot._

I hear my mother pleading, begging my father to just stop, just _listen_ , it's not her fault, _please just listen._

 _I am an idiot. I am an idiot. I am an idiot._

And I hear my father, calling my mother names as my mother screams and I imagine her battered and bruised on the floor, holding her head and crying into her hands.

 _I am an idiot. I am an idiot. I am an idiot._

And I hear my father call my name, call me a useless whore, and my mother begging him please no, please not my baby, and I know I can't escape, I can't run from this. I am trapped.

 _I am an idiot. I am an idiot. I am an idiot._

And my door opens and my father glares at me and I stare at him in a daze as he prowls towards me and drags me out of my seat, screaming in my face while my mother weeps behind him. Not my baby, _please not my baby, Val!_

 _I am an idiot. I am an idiot. I am an idiot._

And then my father kicks me and his blows land all over me, but he doesn't touch my face, and I know it's so people won't notice but I don't feel the pain yet, so I just stand there while my mother screams and cries and my father beats me bloody.

 _I am an idiot. I am an idiot. I am an idiot._

"That'll teach you to talk to that traitorous scum. You are nothing, Clarissa! You are only alive because I allow it! Never talk to that betraying son of a bitch again, do you understand?" My father demands and I don't know how to reply so I just stare, and he leaves with one more blow to my stomach.

 _I am an idiot. I am an idiot. I am an idiot._

I never should have told Mum about the email. This was my fault. If I had just kept my mouth shut, everything would be okay today. Everything would be fine. This was my fault.

 _I am an idiot. I am an idiot. I am an idiot._

I deserved that. I made my mother get hurt. I made him hit me. This was my fault and I deserved it. I deserved it because I am an idiot.

 _I am an idiot. I am an idiot. I am an idiot._

* * *

A while later, while I lie down on my bed, curled up in a foetal position because it's the only position that doesn't hurt, I decide to go through my phone.

I go through my contacts first while I listen to music, reminding myself that some people may care a little. And something catches my eye.

Last time I checked, Jace's number was most certainly not in my phone. Which means there must have come a point when he purposefully put it in himself. For some reason, this makes me grin.

Sneaky little bugger.

 _**You know, randomly putting your number into someone else's phone is kind of stalkery. Clary.**_

Hitting send, I send the text I wrote to Jace and go back to my music. I wait for a few minutes and I wonder what he's doing, until I feel my phone vibrate and I check the text.

* * *

Jace's POV

"So are you _actually_ saying you prefer the first Captain America movie to the second Captain America movie?" I demand from Will as he perches on my bed.

"I have two words for you: Hayley Atwell." Will replies, as if that explains his disturbing revelation.

"And I have three words for you: Scarlett frigging Johansson." Will grins at me, looking entirely amused and, frankly, quite evil.

"Yes, we all know your penchant for redheads." He mocks.

"Oy, I do not have a _penchant_! Maybe an _interest_ but not a _penchant_. I have _some_ dignity you know."

"Really? Since when?" I throw a nearby cushion at him, which he gracefully dodges. Frigging arsehole.

Just as I am about to reply, I hear a ding from my phone and turn to check it, noticing a text come in.

"Oh God, you've got your Clary face on." Will complains. "Why do you have your Clary face on?"

"I do not have a Clary face!" I tell him indignantly, opening the text but not reading it.

"Yes you do. It's sickening. In a vomit-inducing kind of way, not the complimentary way. You look like Edward Cullen looking at Bella Swan. It's foul, man." I pause in replying and look up at him, smirking wickedly. "Oh shut up! Tessa and Ragnor made me watch them."

"Them?" I demand, my voice dripping with mockery.

"I was threatened with the loss of a valuable part of my anatomy if I didn't watch them. And you have not been threatened until you have been threatened by Ragnor."

"Team Jacob or Team Edward?" I ask out of curiosity.

"Team Emmet actually. That guy had it sorted: Be entirely strong and get the hottest girl."

"Fair enough." I turn back to texting, trying to be witty.

"Can you please- for the sake of every human in a twenty mile radius- _please_ lose the Clary face?" Will begs, thrashing around the bed as if he's in pain.

"I do not have a Clary face!" I inform him again, not looking away from my phone screen, deleting my reply because it sounds stupid and starting again.

"Alec! Get in here!" Will screams out into the hallway. It takes a few minutes for him to come in, and when he does, he is in his homework garb and looks tired and irritated to be called upon.

"What Will?" My older brother demands. "I'm busy with-"

"Yes, yes, I know, must do homework or the universe will implode, I know, but answer me this: Does Jace have a Clary face?"

"You mean the annoying puppy-dog face he gets every time Clary talks or emails or walks past or enters his brain at annoying times of the day for no reason whatsoever?" My brother asks. "No, not at all." Turning on his heel, he goes back to his bedroom. Will turns back to me with a triumphant smile.

"Told you." He tells me.

I ignore him and go back to figuring out a reply to the text Clary sent me a few minutes ago. I chuckle as I reread it.

 _**You know, randomly putting your number into someone else's phone is kind of stalkery. Clary.**_

 _**I would start quoting 'Every Breath You Take' but that seems a bit much.**_ I reply, hitting send when I'm happy with what I've written.

 _**You are entirely disturbing.**_ Clary sends back a text quickly.

 _**I'm aware. Hey, shouldn't you be asleep?**_

 _**Shouldn't you be?**_

 _**I am Batman, you know this.**_

 _**Oh right, how could I forget?**_ I chuckle loosely at our conversation, noticing that Will has decided I am no longer interesting so has abandoned me. Rude.

 _**Out of curiosity, are you going to Magnus' cat's birthday party? Now there's a sentence I never thought I'd say.**_ I ask.

 _**No. I'm unable to get there.**_ I try to ignore the feeling in the pit of my stomach that Clary is lying.

 _**We could pick you up on our way through?**_

 _**No. I'm busy.**_

 _**I thought you were unable to get there?**_

 _**Exactly. I'm unable to get there because I'm busy.**_

 _**Busy doing what?**_

 _**Stuff.**_

 _**What sort of stuff?**_

 _**Super cool stuff you wouldn't understand.**_ I grin at the quote.

 _**Are you trying to distract me by putting movie quotes into your texts?**_

 _**…Maybe.**_ I laugh and let her change the subject, chatting via text to Clary for another few minutes until Mum shouts that we have school in the morning and have to go to sleep or she'll make jackets out of our skins. I decide to send her one last text before I sleep.

 _**Let me just offer again: if you want a lift to Magnus' 'celebration of life' feel free to ask. Bed calls, must dash. Tata darling.**_

* * *

Clary's POV

"And then Tessa just walks in, barges in more like, and I am completely nude and totally drenched from the shower." Sophie tells me the next day at school. "And there's this brief moment of silence where we kind of just stare at each other and then she just says: 'Oh, sorry. I thought I left a book in here.'" Everyone at our lunch table dissolves into laughter while Tessa hides her face in her hands. Instead of laughing, I cringe on Tessa's behalf. Poor thing.

"I didn't know you were in the shower!" Tessa tries to defend herself.

"I told you I was heading in there!"

"While I was reading! You don't talk to me while I'm reading unless you want to end up with me walking in on you in the nuddy!" There is a brief moment of silence before anybody says anything.

"That is the most twisted logic that actually makes sense that I've ever heard." Jem finally concludes, sounding surprised and amused.

"Thank you Jem. See, he gets it." Tessa tells Sophie indignantly. Sophie rolls her eyes and grins.

I shake my head and turn back to my half-eaten ham-salad sandwich. Catarina, true to form, had shared her lunch with me, giving me half her sandwich. About three years ago, around the same time Jonathan had left, Cat had started sharing her lunch with me. She always had something interesting and something healthy, given that she wanted to be a doctor and was very keen on general dietary health. I glance at her through my hair opposite me at the table, seated comfortably between Will and Ragnor. I've never quite been able to figure out Cat. She kind of reminds me of me- quiet, watching, observing- but not out of necessity. It seems like she's quiet not because she's scared of what she'll say but instead because she simply doesn't feel the need to say anything.

I kind of envy her.

I kind of envy everyone at this table to be honest. I miss how I used to be more open, back when Jonathan was around and things weren't so bad and I could be a little more open. I miss how I had less of a guard up, I miss having fences instead of walls around me.

I feel a body plop next to me and turn to see Jace sitting next to me, his mouth completely stuffed with food. True to his cocky arsehole persona, seeing my disgusted expression, he opens his mouth on a grin and I can clearly see he is eating some sort of chocolate dessert and I cover my mouth with my hand, trying not to puke. Everyone at the table makes grossed-out noises and Jace quickly finishes his food so he can laugh.

Cocky fricking bastard.

I roll my eyes in his general direction though my heart twinges a bit, memories of my brother surfacing in my head. Jon used to do that all the time, and I can see a lot of Jon in Jace- both of them cocky and slightly arrogant, irritating yet undeniably endearing.

I place my chin in my hand on the table and breathe out a sigh, wishing my brother and the conversation and eventual beating I got from my parents because of him would get out of my head. I feel something poke my arm and turn to see Simon passing me his notebook, the one for secret conversations.

 _Are you okay?_ It says simply, and I accept the pen and notebook Simon hands me to write a reply. It takes me about thirty seconds to think of how to explain it.

 _Yeah. Just thinking._ I write, purposefully trying to stay vague, my go-to response. Simon reads my note and then gazes at me, his comforting brown eyes thoughtful behind his glasses.

 _Sounds dangerous. What are you thinking about?_ Simon asks and I take a while to sum it up.

In my head I list what I am thinking about.

Why I let myself hang around with people when it's dangerous. Why I'm constantly breaking all my rules because I'm weak. How every day fees like a battle. All the different layers of my brain and how I want to get rid of most of them. How I think I'm actually gaining a few layers, ones that scare me.

How I can feel the careful wall I've built around me start to crumble. How my thoughts are always drifting to what life would be like if my father was out of the picture. What I would do if I had one day of freedom. How I would feel if Jonathan had rescued me.

How my life would be different if my brother had kept his promise. The niggling feeling in the back of my skull that there are certain people here that I am becoming dangerously attached to, and am letting get dangerously close to me.

How I am constantly looking over my shoulder to check for danger. Why the sound of boots on a hard wood floor scares the shit out of me.

Why I am constantly gazing over at Jace every time he's near. Why I let him flirt with me, and occasionally flirt back. How fast my heart beats when we sit next to each other in the library or this table or history class or Alec's Honda. How I am constantly aware of when his gaze is directed at me. How excited I get when he texts or emails me. How scared all that makes me.

And I'm thinking of what my brother would make of this. If he would be pleased or angry or nonplussed. If he would warn Jace off or encourage him. Whether he would like Jace.

Figuring out how to reply, I quickly write my note to Simon.

 _I miss Jonathan._

* * *

 **A/N: So, thoughts? I wasn't entirely happy with it, so if you weren't either, that's fine, just let me know. I'm looking for a beta for this story if anyone is interested because this 'not entirely happy with the chapter' thing happened last chapter too. PM me if you are interested or leave a comment in a review.**

 **I'll leave it there, it's late and I am rooted.**

 **Have fun, say hi, REVIEWW, my precious little bunnies!**


	13. Let Me Sleep

**Disclaimer: I am not Cassie Clare. I have never been that awesome.**

 **A/N: First off, a HUUUUUGE thank you to** Sabiduria **and** WeArentLost-Yet **for beta-ing this chapter. You were both humongous helps and I have been sending out good vibes for you two for the past week.**

 **Secondly, thank you to:**

beccamac01, Kgwestie32, trifangirls, Debra Williams, the weird reader, aznbLuEaRgr, BlackHeron104, FangirlOfLiterallyEverthing **and** geekgamergirl **for following,**

beccamac01, trifangirls, Debra Williams, the weird reader, BlackHeron104, FangirlOfLiterallyEverything, geekgamergirl **and** WeArentLost-Yet **for favouriting**

 **And** Rwch3l, Midnight. Walker. 22, VMars lover, WeArentLost-Yet, reppinda5o3, Sabiduria, Flora. Silverthrush, Debra Williams **and** FangirlOfLiterallyEverything **for reviewing! I love you all to tiny, glittery pieces!**

 **And thirdly: guys, I have found what I think is the perfect song for this fic! It is called 'Goodbye (Shelter)' by the wonderful ZAA Sanja Vucic from Serbia. Guys, seriously, listen to it, it is epic! Wonderful! Glorious! I have never been one for girl-power but dayum girl! I have had it on repeat on full volume for the past three days, no kidding.**

 **Anyway, onwards!**

 **Enjoy, have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

* * *

Jace's POV

"We are not talking about Zeus in our project!" Clary exclaims to my perfectly reasonable suggestion.

"Why not?" I reply indignantly. Clary stares at me for about a minute.

"I can't believe I have to explain this but Zeus _is not a Roman god_!"

"Yes he is!" I insist.

"No he's not, he's bloody Greek."

"Well that's just racist!"

There's about twenty seconds of silence while Clary opens and closes her mouth several times, and I grin widely at her stunned expression. But then Clary totally shocks me- she covers her mouth with her hand and lets out a giggle, her emerald eyes sparkling. Then she closes her eyes and actually starts laughing, covering her entire face with her hands while merry sounds come out of her mouth.

I wish I could see her face as she laughs, but seeing her shy like this is somehow adorable and the sounds of her amusement is literally music to my ears.

Eventually, she calms down and looks over at me, only her eyes visible as she peers over her hands. She looks sweet like this, really shy and small, gazing over at me with her big green eyes still twinkling.

"Well I'm glad I amuse you." I comment and Clary lets loose a few more loose chuckles.

"I honestly don't know why that was so funny." Clary tells me just as the bell rings for next class.

Making a cute little noise, she picks up all her books and hoists them onto her hip, tossing out a quick 'see you later' before she runs away from me. Again.

Just as I go to leave, I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn to see the geeky bloke, Simon, looking at me, appearing slightly miffed. I raise my eyebrows at him, waiting for him to speak.

"Did Clary just- Was Clary laughing?"

Instead of replying with words, which I am just too lazy to do, I nod slowly. Simon suddenly looks grudgingly impressed.

"Why? How?" He demands.

I shrug nonchalantly. "I don't know. Maybe the sheer wittiness of my wonderful self was too much for Clary."

Simon continues to look mystified, but annoyance flashes across his face at my laid-back response. "Look, I don't like you very much." I widen my eyes mockingly like I am surprised. "But do me a favour?" I take a few seconds to reply.

"Depends what it is." I say simply.

"Keep making her laugh, Lightwood." I raise my eyebrows and look to the library, where Clary just left. Finally looking back towards Simon, I reply.

"I'm on it."

* * *

Clary's POV

I'm not normally one for theories but I have a theory: Jace Lightwood is possibly the most annoyingly endearing idiot on the planet.

I don't think I have laughed like that in years. Chuckling, sure, but not laughing. Laughing is remarkably hard to do when you have your guard up, but Jace seems to have an uncanny ability to completely bypass my walls. It's annoying, because I pride myself on my ability to emotionally disconnect.

As I sit in Taki's, eating carrot cake and sketching one of Magnus' many rings, I suddenly zone into the conversation when I hear my name being called repeatedly. I look up in a daze and see Magnus, Simon, Alec, Izzy and Jace all looking over at me, waiting for me to reply. I blink three times and finally grace them with a highly intellectual and sophisticated answer.

"Sorry, what?" Everyone chuckles while Simon huffs in exasperation.

"I told you she wasn't listening!" He declares and I scowl at him.

"Oh hush Shish kabab." Magnus dismisses.

"Shishka-what?!" Simon replies indignantly.

"What Magnus asked is: do you think you can make it Saturday night?" Alec shows some mercy and asks me again, but it still doesn't really make sense.

"Saturday night?" I ask.

"You know; Chairman Meow's party?" Magnus clarifies, looking heartbreakingly hopeful.

"I don't think so. I mean, I'm not really-"

"Yeah, I thought so. Don't worry about it. I was just wondering." Magnus interrupts, looking vaguely disappointed. He turns towards Izzy and they start up a conversation on something. And just like that, the entire table's centre of gravity moves away from me and they all go back to their own conversations.

I look around the table, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.

This is what I want, isn't it? I need my friends not to get too close, to not depend on me. I need my friends to think I am just the one in the background, the one who is only there because I am bored, the one who doesn't care.

But I do care. And Magnus' disappointment, Simon's exasperation, even Alec's pitying glances and kind voice makes me physically sick. Cat having to share her lunch with me, Will coming up with nicknames and being kinder to me than he even is to Jem sometimes, Ragnor offering me smiles and hugs when he doesn't for anybody else, Sophie and Tessa always offering to take me out to do something girly- all these people who keep trying, and I keep pushing them away.

I'm sick of pushing them away. I'm sick of always being in the background out of some stupid sense of obligation. I'm sick of giving up my life because of fear.

I deserve one night. One night where I can go to a party and hang out with my friends and just forget about the shit at home, forget about my father's voice and fists, my mother's crying and broken words.

I deserve one night of freedom.

"Hey Magnus?" I say, having made a decision I am not going to change. Magnus and Izzy stop their conversation and turn to me.

"Yeah Biscuit?" Magnus replies, looking confused.

"Chairman Meow is the best cat in the world." I tell him.

"Hey!" Simon hoots indignantly. I ignore him.

"And because he is the best cat in the world, he deserves the best party in the world." Slowly, Magnus starts smiling, looking almost proud. "So…" I stop and take a breath. "I'm going to try and work something out so I can be there Saturday." A few moments of surprised silence pass before finally Magnus jumps up and comes over to hug me, totally catching me off guard.

"There's my Biscuit." He compliments me in my ear. Everyone around the table is beaming happily at me and I wonder how I could have managed to inspire such kindness and affection from people who I have always done nothing but keep at a distance from me. Magnus hears his phone go off with a text and draws away from me to check his phone, looking suddenly worried. "It's getting late. You might want to go now." Widening my eyes in panic, I look down at his still lit phone and the large white numbers across the top of the screen. I grab my bag and sprint out of there, hoping I get home in time.

* * *

Jace's POV

At home, it is eerily quiet, but that probably has something to do with the fact that it is currently 3am. What am I doing up at 3am, you may ask? Well, I am concocting a plan…

Note to self: never use the word 'concocting' in a sentence ever again. It's weird.

But, my point is: I am… planning a plan. A glorious plan. A wonderful plan. You could even say I am burdened with glorious purpose.

Well now I know I can't pull off Loki. That's sad.

See, this is what happens when I'm still awake at 3am. I become a danger to society.

Anyway, my glorious, wonderful plan is thus: When Clary shows up at Magnus' party on Saturday, I am going to show her the best time of her life so that the next time she gets invited out, she actually wants to come out again.

And see, this is a wonderful plan because who can resist the charms of Jace Lightwood?

Actually… she has been resisting my charms for a while now. So what if my glorious, wonderful plan doesn't work? What if it falls flat? What if…

Oh screw it; no good can come from being awake at 3am.

Clary's POV

Jace is falling asleep while eating a sandwich. It's actually surprisingly cute. To be honest, I never thought of the whole eating-a-sandwich activity to be cute but Jace somehow pulls it off.

Just as he starts leaning forward and his head starts moving to collide with certain doom, by which I mean the tabletop, I reach for his shoulders and pull him back. Instantly, the side of his head falls to my shoulder and he curls into my side. My eyes widen in complete shock and my gaze darts around the lunch table to the amused faces of my friends.

"Jace?" I try to shake him awake but all he does is make a disgruntled noise and moves his head ever-so-slightly. "Jace."

"Shh," He replies, patting my knee.

"Jace, come on."

"Shh. Let me sleep. You're comfy." I look down at him on my shoulder, raising my eyebrows.

"I'm flattered." I finally summarise, rolling my eyes and leaving him there.

When I had first sat down at the table, it was clear the Magnus or someone had told the rest of our friends about my decision as they were all overly excited and encouraging, which was nice but kind of stressful. I felt like if I couldn't figure out a way, I would be letting all of them down instead of just a few of them. There were so many people who cared about me in a way I didn't actually realise until recently.

And I thought I was doing so well at pushing people away.

I have a tentative plan for Saturday, one that had about a forty-five percent chance of working. But to initiate it, I needed some help, specifically from Will and Ragnor. I wasn't necessarily looking forward to that conversation or the questions that were surely to follow. To be honest, I was procrastinating about it, but I was running out of time and I needed to do this quickly.

Before I lose my nerve that has suddenly appeared for no discernible reason whatsoever, I carefully set Jace's head down on the table and ask Ragnor and Will to follow after me. They both stand in unison, walking behind me with confused looks on their faces.

Finally, I pick a spot far enough away from our schoolmates so I turn towards the boys and wait for them to join me. Will looks curious, Ragnor looks amused and calculating, but that's nothing new.

"Look guys, I need your help." I say and instantly, they both look serious, like they're ready to dive into action.

"What do you need Bluey?" Will asks and I shake my head at the nickname.

"Well, I just need some help getting to the thing on Saturday." I realise how pathetic that sounds and stifle a grim chuckle. "I was hoping that you guys could help out?"

"How?" Is Ragnor's immediate response.

"Well it's kind of… we'd need to break a few rules." As one, they raise their eyebrows, turn to look at each other, turn back to me and grin evilly.

"Excellent." They say at the same time. It's actually kind of spooky.

Jace's POV

Normally, I have a regal, sophisticated aura, one that people are normally honoured to be in the presence of. Today… not so much.

Not only have I fallen asleep in maths, history, biology and lunch, I have also drooled on three tables and apparently had a dream about magic unicorns. Today, my coolness factor has dropped about fifty notches.

Kind of embarrassing but oh well.

When I get home from school, Mum is sitting at the computer going over something boring and Max is sitting on the couch reading his school-assigned book. Has any teacher ever been clued into the fact that as soon as you make a child read a book for school, it loses about ninety percent of its appeal? That's if it had any appeal in the first place.

Dumping my bag in the threshold of the lounge room, I head to the only free couch and flop dramatically into it, stretching out as far as I can and throwing my arm over my eyes.

"No shoes on the couch." Mum scolds, using the eyes at the back of her head. I kick my shoes off and stretch my feet, cracking my ankles.

The house is still a little tense, but it's not as noticeable anymore. It's more like an unspoken truce to not talk about the divorce or Dad. To be honest, I hardly ever think about him anymore, although I know Isabelle and Max miss him. I personally think that's only because they don't know everything he's done.

Though Isabelle knows about how he cheated on Mum, she doesn't know what he did to Alec. Or me for that matter. But that doesn't bear thinking about.

Hearing my other siblings come in through the door, I slowly lift my arm off my eyes and look over at them. They seem deep in conversation about something. I ask what they're talking about.

"You." Isabelle replies simply. I smile.

"Of course you are."

"And Clary." I raise my eyebrows and sit up.

"What about her?"

"I was talking to Magnus today," Alec tells me. "And he says that Clary changed since you guys met."

"Really?" Huh. Was _not_ expecting that. "Interesting."

"Apparently she used to be much more guarded. And never would have dreamed of going anywhere on the weekend."

"That's very interesting."

"Just… be careful Jace." My older brother warns. I cock my head at him, asking a silent question. "She's got a hell of a lot of people who care a hell of a lot about her. Just… don't be you, okay? You could end up getting yourself killed." I smirk at Alec, not taking him as seriously as I probably should. He sighs. "Just food for thought." He finally summarises, walking away and leaving me to mull things over on the couch.

* * *

 **A/N: So thoughts? Kind of a broody Jace at the end and the middle was slightly unnecessary (In my head, it was cute) but overall, what did you think? Please let me know. ANd please listen to that song I mentioned, seriously guys, the lyrics are just... and her voice is just... and the music is just... ARGH!**

 **Anyway, laters.**

 **Have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

 **Love Stormy. xoxoxo**


	14. Let Me Kiss You

**Disclaimer: Not Cassie Clare.**

 **A/N: PLEASE READ, REALLY IMPORTANT! Hey guys, sorry it's taken so long to post again but I'm actually running for local government so I'm really really busy. Like today I have to meet with 10 businesses, letter drop an entire town and then have to deliver a speech at a public meeting. It's been really hard to find time to write anything. So please forgive me for late updates, and I'm really sorry that it's annoying to wait. But as I said, campaigning is taking up all of my time. As soon as I can find time to squeeze in some writing, I'll put another post up. Just don't expect that to be soon.**

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 **And** BloodandThorns, stupidlamb2010, reppinda5o3, Tay1138, Midnight. walker. 22, Flora Silverthrush, Too Wicked For This World, geekgamergirl, geekyangel **(Guest)** AnnabethFray, GreyJem **and** Ravenclaw-Shadowhunter-Fae **for reviewing. You guys are all amazing!**

 **Have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

* * *

Clary's POV

I am completely terrified. I don't think I've ever been this terrified. And that is truly saying something because honestly, I have been plenty terrified before.

I'm rambling. And I'm rambling because I am terrified. Can you tell?

Mum, Dad and I are sitting at the table eating dinner. We each have a plate on which sits a large steak- a meat that I've always found too heavy and hard to digest but Dad likes it so we have it quite often- potatoes and other such vegetables usually reserved for when Mum is trying to keep Dad happy so he doesn't go off. Personally, I am quite glad that Mum has brought out this meal because that means Dad may be a little more lenient or less suspicious or less… well… Valentine Morgenstern.

Taking a deep breath, I retrieve the carefully forged letter from my pocket and place it on the table next to Dad's plate. His fork freezes partway to his mouth and he glances over at me, his expression unreadable. I look down at my hands.

"What is this Clarissa?" He asks in a low voice.

I can feel Mum's eyes on me and I know she is trying to send a message to me. But I have already memorised the message- I don't need to look at her to figure it out. So instead, my eyes move to my father's face, knowing that if I don't look at him right in the eye, he will see it as a sign of disrespect and I might as well forget the entire plan.

"It's a letter from my sociology teacher, Ms Herondale." I say. "She wants us to do a project."

"A project that requires a letter to me?"

"Yes sir. The students in the class are supposed to stay the weekend at their classmates' house to see how other people spend their days off school. We're supposed to do a report on the difference between our own lives and theirs."

"I will not have strangers coming to this house Clarissa." My father warns ominously.

"Of course not sir. I explained that and Ms Herondale understood. She wants me to go to someone else's house, however, to complete the project." I hated how I was starting to sound, like I was a servant or employee to my own father, but I needed this and so this language and tone of my voice was necessary.

"You know the rules Clarissa."

"I do, and I respect them. But this counts for a third of my grade. If I don't do it, I may fail the class and have to repeat the year." Giving me one more suspicious look, Dad opens the letter and I take a relieved breath.

I sincerely hope that Will is as good at forging his great aunt's handwriting as he said he was.

' _Please please please. Please please please_ please _!'_ I think, my knees jiggling up and down nervously under the table.

I can still feel Mum's eyes on me, but I refuse to look at her, knowing that if I do, I risk losing my nerve and giving up on this whole enterprise.

Several minutes pass in deadly silence. I methodically cut up my meat and vegetables, chewing on autopilot. My father takes longer to read the letter than I thought he would, but I still stay silent, not wanting to interrupt and be seen as rude.

"Well Clarissa," He finally says, sounding resigned. "This seems credible. Of course, I am still not comfortable with you going to another person's house. I would need to talk to them and straighten out some things."

"Of course." I reply, reaching into my pocket for Ragnor's phone number. "This is the number of the person whose house I would be going to. The boy is Ragnor Fell, and his father is Woolsey." Thank Jesus Ragnor has an alter-ego. Although it is incredibly weird that Ragnor has an alter-ego to begin with.

"You seem to have this all sorted out, Clarissa." Knowing that my father doesn't expect an answer to that question, I drop my head and keep eating.

Jace's POV

The history project that Clary and I were supposed to do went surprisingly well, even if the poor kid looked like she was going to throw up basically the whole way through, so as we sit at lunch I feel like congratulating her. Problem is, she seems to be having a deep and meaningful conversation with Ragnor- who I still have not figured out at all- and Will, who seem to all be in on some sort of secret.

I'm still trying to figure out how to make Clary loosen up around me, which seems a lot more complicated than it should be. Normally I would have given up by this point, moved onto someone a little easier, but for some reason that is an entirely unappealing notion, one that I am avoiding at all costs for reasons that are too complicated and basically irritating to think about.

It's nice though, for some reason, sitting there at that table at lunch, watching that tiny little redhead converse. Strangely, I feel almost proud of her, remembering how she used to be in the background, just listening, watching, but now she's at the forefront of the group in a way and she seems mostly okay with it. She doesn't look like she wants to shrink into her oversized jumpers and run away, which I think is a major step forward for her.

I decide then that even if Clary does not feel like I do- that there is a possibility of more than friendship- that's okay, because if the only thing that comes out of our friendship is that her confidence grows and she feels comfortable being open around her friends, that's good enough for me.

"What are you planning, midget?" I ask Clary later on that day as we sit in Taki's, determined that I am no longer going to be kept outside the know. Clary, smirking softly, raises her cappuccino cup to her lips and looks down at the table.

"The annihilation of the human race." She replies slowly and menacingly into her coffee cup before taking a sip.

"You would be slightly terrifying if you didn't look like Ronald McDonald's tiny baby sister." Clunking her cup down onto her saucer, she pushes my shoulder with an indignant hoot. Then she crosses her arms and sends me an angry, adorable pout. "But you didn't answer my question."

"I am planning nothing." Clary says, too quickly. I send her a smirk. She keeps her eyes away from my face, staring at the tabletop as though it holds all the secrets of the universe. "You'll find out."

It's odd how much Clary is making me think recently. I don't think I've thought about a girl this much, or about the ramifications of liking a girl. Normally at this point in my attentions, I would've been laid a few times and we would be at the 'let's just be friends' phase.

Yes, I know, I'm an arsehole, move on.

"Quit staring at me Jace." Clary mutters a few minutes later, still staring at the tabletop.

"Why?"

"Because I'm not worth looking at. Look at Catarina." I cock my head at Clary.

"Why do you think that Clary?" Her eyes snap up and she looks at me in a sort of panic. I frown at her.

Pushing her chair away from the table, she says a quick goodbye and runs out of the cafe, not answering my question or even sparing me a glance. I share a look with Simon, Magnus and Ragnor, all of whom look curious and stunned. Without thinking, I hop up and follow after Clary.

Clary's POV

I don't know why Jace's question bothered me so much, or why it caused me to suddenly feel a huge panic attack coming on.

Such a simple question: Why do you think that?

But there were too many answers to that question. If I told him any of them, he'd never talk to me again.

Why was the thought of losing Jace as an almost-friend so disturbing? I'd only known him for a few months, so it was ridiculous. Yes, he was funny and yes, he made me laugh and smile when I didn't think it was possible anymore. Yes, he didn't freak out during my panic attacks and yes, he respected my boundaries. But all of that didn't explain the irritating feeling whenever he wasn't around.

I turn a corner to catch my breath, ignoring the looks on people's faces as they pass me. Leaning against the brick wall, I close my eyes and count to ten, repeating my mantra: Stop being stupid and breathe. Stop being stupid and breathe.

"Clary!" I suddenly hear and I look up. Jace has apparently run out of the café and tried to follow me. "Clary, I'm sorry! I don't know what I did but I'm sorry!"

Unable to resist, I let out a grim chuckle at his bewilderment. Hearing me, he spins on his heel and finds me against the wall. I have to look away from the look in his eyes- I don't understand it.

"Clary, I'm sorry." He tells me again, coming closer to me.

"You didn't do anything Jace."

"Well, obviously I did or there wouldn't be a problem and you'd have finished your disgustingly sweet coffee."

"I like vanilla in my coffee!"

"And I am _trying_ not to hold it against you." Jace informs me. "Trying very hard." Unable to stop myself, I let myself give him a brief, small smile. "There's my Midget."

Great: First Biscuit, now Midget. Bloody fucking hell. I frown in his general direction and he smirks at me, before coming over and leaning against the wall with me.

"Clary, what did I do wrong?" He asks quietly after a few moments of companionable silence. I bury my face in my hands.

"I don't even know." I reply after a few seconds, my voice muffled. "I mean, you were looking at me and there were so many other girls at the table you should've been looking at and I didn't know why and- I think I was just confused." I keep my head in my hands, not wanting to face him. But then he asks me to and I can't say no. I can't resist his voice.

"Clary, why don't you know how beautiful you are?" His face is entirely serious and I quickly turn my head and hide behind my hair. "Clary, don't hide from me. Please don't hide from me."

I wrap my arms around my middle, feeling suddenly overwhelmed. But not panicky. My heart's going faster, my breathing has picked up, but I'm not scared or anxious. I'm confused- I don't know what this means. This isn't normal and it definitely isn't natural and universe, _start making sense please_!

Suddenly I feel a hand on my cheek and the slightest, smallest pressure to turn my head. Jace's fingertips feel gentle hesitant on my face. I can tell that he's trying to not scare me away and I want to cry at how lovely that is.

"Look at me Clary." Jace begs, his voice soft and unsure. I've never heard that tone in his voice before. It shocks me, sending a bolt of something through my system. "Clary, please believe me. You are _beautiful_." I try to turn my head away, but his fingers on my cheek won't let me. "Clary, you're beautiful. But it's more than that- you're interesting, you're… fascinating. You're smart, you're funny, you're frustrating as _fuck_ , you understand my humour, you don't let me get away with my usual bullshit. Clary, everything about you is beautiful- of course I'm going to look at you."

Suddenly, I don't want to look away. I can't look away, trapped in the swirling gold of Jace's eyes. Why was he so beautiful? Surely it wasn't legal? And how could he, living god that he was, possibly think of me as anything other than ordinary? Today didn't make sense.

"I know you have a secret that you think you can't tell me." I snap my eyes closed. "No Clary, keep your eyes on me. Look at me." And he stubbornly waits till I open my eyes. "There's my girl." He says, running his thumb along my cheekbone. "I know that something is going on that might have… scared you or made you believe that you're alone. But you're not. I'm right here, and you can tell me anything and I won't run away. I'll look after you, I'll protect you. I won't run away." Tears swim in my eyes and I have to close them to push them away. "Clary, I won't leave you like your brother did."

"I- how did you-"

"I heard, and I know that that might be what you're afraid of. But Clary, I won't do that."

"How do I know that?"

"Trust me, Clary. Please."

And that right there is the very problem- I do trust Jace. Something about him let my guard down too much. I am swimming with the sharks and I should know better but dammit, I trust Jace. And by trusting Jace, I have become someone completely different. I have even made a plan to go to Magnus' party. What is Jace doing to me?

I stare into his eyes, wishing I could understand what is going on in my head. I want to get closer, and the hand on my face isn't affecting me negatively- I _like_ it. I want it. I want more. It feels soft and warm and steady, like it's a barrier between me and all the bad.

"Clary, will you do me a favour?" Jace asks. Taking my silence for confirmation, he continues. "Will you let me kiss you?" I look at him, look at him smiling at me, waiting for me to make my decision, not pushing, just waiting and smiling reassuringly. But I can't. This is too much.

"I have to go." I state bluntly, pulling away. Before I can leave completely, he grabs my hand and I look up at him.

"Clary, I'm not expecting anything. I won't push and if you say no, I'll back off. I just… really like you." We both smile at his lame ending.

"I know. And I probably will say yes just… not yet." Jace grins, his white teeth flashing in the sun.

"Then I'll wait. See you tomorrow Clary."

"Bye Jace."

And I turn, and walk back home, determined not to look over my shoulder for one last glance at Angel Boy.

* * *

 **A/N: So thoughts? Let me know.**

 **As I mentioned before, running for local government so not sure when I'll be able to post again. As soon as possible, I will, promise. Yu guys are my favourite people in the world!**

 **Bye bye munchkins!**

 **Love Stormy xoxox**


	15. Let Me Fix It

**Disclaimer: I am not Cassie Clare and I do not make any profits from this.**

 **A/N: Hey guys! I'm back sooner than expected!**

 **Well, I should know the results of the election on the 29th, everyone has voted and posted their ballot packs to the returning office so it's just a waiting game now. I'm getting a good vibe though. Still, I am properly terrified. So I needed to write something and this just came out. Aren't you lucky?**

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 **Enjoy, have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

* * *

Jace's POV

I have decided that waiting is not my forte. I do not have the knack for waiting. I have not been gifted with the talent of waiting.

I believe in the past ten minutes, I have asked Alec for the time seven times. In all fairness though, Alec, condescending prick that he is, has not told me the time every time I ask.

Maybe I should explain: tonight is Magnus' cat's birthday party- that is still such a weird sentence. Anyway, my point is, about fifteen minutes ago, I received a text from Clary with the words "Will I see you tonight at the thing?" so I think you can understand the gravity of the situation at this point.

"Jace, will you stop pacing?" Isabelle demands, doing a thing with her chopsticky-hair-pinny-thing "You're making me dizzy."

"I am having a moment of crisis here, Isabelle. Show some sympathy, would you?" My slightly annoying, dramatic sister sighs while pulling on her self-proclaimed 'demon-hunter' boots.

"If she doesn't show up, we'll have fun either way, probably more. If she does, you'll charm the pants off her, get laid and move on. Actually, can we get to the moving on bit even if she doesn't get there? The whole Clary obsession thing is truly starting to annoy me."

"I don't want to 'get in her pants' Isabelle. I want to-"

"Get into her heart, attaching yourself like a sloth to her sweet, delicate heartstrings." My brother interrupts, looking up from his phone screen for a moment to taunt me.

"Shut up Alec."

"Are you ill?" Isabelle asks curiously.

"Shut up Isabelle. I like her."

"She's weird. She's not stable. And who wears jumpers and scarves in the middle of July?"

"She's just different. And it must be something like low blood pressure or something so lay off, Isabelle. You make her nervous."

"Oh she's always nervous. Like a pretty little bird. 'Tweet tweet tweet, I'm Clary, I'm tiny and delicate, everyone be nice to me, tweet tweet tweet.'" Isabelle flaps her hands about while she mocks Clary, and all I can do is glare at her, trying desperately hard not to start screaming.

"Izzy, honestly, show a little human sensitivity, for fuck's sake." Alec growls. "We can't all have confidence and pride verging on narcissism."

"Whatever. Can we go?" Brushing some non-existent lint off her black skinny jeans, Izzy stands up and heads for the door. Alec shakes his head at me apologetically before following after her.

This could be a long night.

* * *

Clary's POV

I'm sitting at the bottom stair, my backpack clutched so hard in my hands that my knuckles are white, staring at the door. I think I've imagined knocking at the door about fifty seven times.

I am trying- failing- to not appear too excited or nervous, but it's difficult as this may end up being the _best night of my life._

"Clarissa." I hear my father's voice and I quickly stand to look at him, arms held behind my back. My father looks me up and down, his poker face entirely unreadable. "Well at least you look presentable." He informs me, sounding almost surprised. "I am relying on you, Clarissa. You will not shame this family."

"Yes sir." I murmur.

"The Morgenstern name is a proud and noble one. And I will not have a useless little bitch like you sullying that good name." I try not to flinch or appear angry.

"Yes sir. I understand."

"Give me your bag." Immediately, I bend and pick up my backpack, allowing him to go through it.

I had packed it carefully- a notebook, my pencil case, maths homework, a spare set of clothes and pyjamas. Seeming satisfied, my father nods and hands it back to me.

"I expect to read through this essay, to make sure it does not reflect badly on our household." I can only nod.

Then suddenly, there is a knock at the door and I jump about two feet in the air. Dad goes to answer the door, puffing his chest out, trying and succeeding to look intimidating.

"Good evening, sir, I'm Ragnor Fell. I'm here for Clary?" I hear my friend say and I zip my bag closed again and breathe a sigh of relief.

"Ah yes, I believe I spoke with your father on the phone." My father replies, his voice dripping with distaste. Ragnor doesn't reply. I try to squeeze past my father. "Now, now, pumpkin, not so fast. Give your old man a hug."

My father wraps his beefy arms around my shoulders, hissing in my ear about not shaming him one more time before he lets me go and Ragnor and I all but run to the car.

"Your father is kind of… I want to say an in-your-face arsehole but that seems like an understatement." Ragnor says as we turn a corner. I chuckle. "Before I forget, you look terrible. Here," Reaching into the back seat, he pulls out a bag and dumps it on my lap. "Put this on."

I open the bag and see lots of green. I pull it out and see that Ragnor has given me a dress. A very pretty one, it's true, but I don't wear dresses.

"I can't-"

"Just put it on before I lose my mind." I stare at him, refusing to budge. "I won't look for God's sake. Jesus, don't flatter yourself."

"Ragnor…" I whine.

"Clary…" He whines back at me. I crack a smile.

"Fine." I mumble, and start trying to put the dress on underneath my shirt.

It is far more difficult than it looks and I thank Jesus I don't have any new bruises anywhere. By the time I've finally put the dress and flats on; Ragnor has parked and is staring out at the street with a whimsical look on his face.

"There, done, happy?" I demand as I hurriedly pack my normal clothes into my backpack. Ragnor looks over at me and studies me for a second. Suddenly, he pulls a necklace out of his pocket and thrusts it at me. Taking a look at the necklace- a butterfly with its wings outstretched- I shake my head quickly. "No, Ragnor, I'm not taking that." Instead of replying, Ragnor just jiggles the necklace in front of me. "No, you've already given me a phone, I don't need it."

"Come on Clary. You deserve it. Or something." I narrow my eyes at him. "Either you put the necklace on or we'll stay in the car all night. Listening to them having fun upstairs. All night long. Having fun without us. All night long." I sigh and reach for the necklace. "Good girl. Hurry up though, I'm bored in here."

"There, done. What do you think?" Ragnor looks me over again and then signals to me to turn my head. Pulling out something from his many pockets, he does a thing with my hair so that instead of being a wild mop, it stays out of my face and up high at the top of my head.

"Good, come on." He swings his legs out the door and starts heading towards Magnus' building.

I quickly secure my backpack between my shoulder blades and clamber out the car to follow him, my heart beating out a samba in my chest. I take even breaths through my nose, telling myself to appear cool and calm. I fiddle with the straps of my backpack as I follow Ragnor up a flight of stairs and in front of a door. Before I can say a word, Ragnor knocks on the door.

It swings open and Magnus stands at the threshold, bedazzled and bejewelled in purple and blue, a very fluffy feline perched on his shoulders.

"Ragnor, my darling cucumber, you have arrived! Brad Pitt is taking off his shirt and all is right with the world!" Ragnor just stares at our friend. "Oh hush, I'm fabulous."

I can't help but chuckle at Magnus' astonishing confidence. Immediately, Magnus pushes past Ragnor and beams at me.

"Biscuit, you came!" He all but screams in my ear, hugging me tight to his chest.

"Magnus- air- breathing- good-" I gasp as his arms dig into my ribcage. He quickly releases me but holds my shoulders.

"You're here!"

"I know."

"You're at my house!"

"Yes."

"You get to meet my cat!"

"An honour, I'm sure."

"Why are you not as excited as I am?!"

"Because I am not distantly related to a hyperactive puppy."

"I knew I shouldn't have told you about Uncle Rover." I snort, trying to hold my laugh in. Magnus smiles fondly at me. "I'm really pleased you're here Biscuit. You are going to have a ball, trust me."

Magnus turns and opens the door, waiting for me to step through his threshold. I take a breath and do so. And have to stifle a gasp.

Holy fuck.

* * *

Jace's POV

I have never listened to so much Bulgarian rock music in all my life. I am surrounded by lights and table clothes and stained glass cups with crazy straws and a guy can only handle so many cushions.

Some of the people here- I have no idea who they are. Magnus, for reasons unbeknownst to me, is more popular than my glorious self. Which is weird. Or maybe he just throws a good party. I don't know. Either way, there are way too many people in here but there is somehow still room for Isabelle to throw herself around randomly and call it dancing. Something which Simon seems weirdly fascinated by.

I lost Alec somewhere about half an hour ago. Again, this is weird because normally Alec just kind of hovers next to me or Izzy or a wall so it's fairly easy to keep track of him. But he left my side muttering something about checking something out a little while ago so good luck to him.

"Oy, Hugenstein?" I hear a voice next to me yell over the music. If you can call it music. "Can you stop acting like a bloody depressing wallflower and be interesting?" I look next to me to find Will there, leaning against the wall.

"Hugenstein?"

"Yeah don't ask, it just came out. Anyway, you're being irritating and I demand that you stop it."

"And how exactly do you suggest I do that?" Will grins and holds up something. I glance at it. And swear at him.

"You are doing this whether you like it or not. You had Disney on your iPod. That comes with consequences."

He grabs my jacket and pulls me to a stage- no bloody joke; Magnus has a goddamn stage in his house- and pushes me onto it. Then he hands me a microphone and everyone laughs at my terrified expression. But then the music starts and I pretend I'm in the shower.

My showerhead is very impressed with me, okay?

But at that precise moment of monumental mortification the door opens and Clary walks in. And stares. And stares. And opens her mouth on a gasp. And then _laughs_.

Like literally laughs, right at me, doubling over and clutching her stomach, leaning on Ragnor for support.

Well, in for a penny, in for a pound. Here come the hand movements and weird heart-felt faces.

* * *

So after I finished a round of Disney karaoke everyone else wanted in too. Now people are doing heartfelt duets for God's sake. I may vomit.

I don't even know where Magnus _got_ Disney karaoke. Where _do you_ get Disney karaoke?

Anyway, my point is: at least the Bulgarian rock music stopped. For now.

I have not seen Alec in a while but Izzy is getting disturbingly close to Simon. I'm not entirely sure I like it. But then again, it's not like Izzy can't handle herself. So instead of interrupting like a terribly rude person, I leave her to make her own mistakes like a wonderful big brother would. And my ego is just _fine_ , thanks for asking.

I make my way around the room, refusing to roll my eyes because that would be rude or something. Everyone seems to be having a grand old time. Probably because they are talking to people. Or making out in some cases. Or sounding like a banshee in others. Either way, everyone seems to be having more fun than I am. Which is weird because I am normally the life of the party. And again, my ego is _fine_.

I find a perch in the least glittered part of the room- which happens to look remarkably like a cat's scratching post- and half-sit half-lean on it, crossing my arms over my chest. And it's at this moment- this precise remarkably peaceful yet unbelievably boring moment- that a voice calls my name. I wouldn't say it was heavenly but it's pretty damn close.

"I would never have pegged you for an 'Aladdin' fan." Clary informs me, leaning against the wall next to me.

"I'm a Jasmine fan actually." I reply.

"Disney- giving women unrealistic expectations for their hair since 1937."

"I don't know. You seem to have an Ariel thing going on. Although why you're hiding it is beyond me."

"Blame Ragnor. He had the dress and the shoes and everything and he did the hair thing. I'm really trying to not think why he had a dress this size just lying around. It's not exactly like he's a midget."

"On me, it's a shirt, toffee." I hear Ragnor yell out from somewhere. Clary frowns into space for a second before blowing out an annoyed breath.

"Why does everyone always call me a dessert?"

"Well… you look sweet."

"I'm not sweet. I'm terrifying." Then she bares her teeth and growls. I crack up laughing.

"Oh no, yeah, I see it now. Terrifying."

"Shut up." She grumbles.

I take a moment to look at her. She looks really pretty. She should wear dresses more often. Only problem is her hair- it's all up and tame and boring. I don't like it. I reach for the pin holding it up and try to pull it out. I succeed, but only just, as she pulls away with a loud shriek of 'OW!'

"Sorry, that was supposed to be dashing." I tell her sheepishly. She glares at me and yanks on a handful of my hair. I push her hand away.

"See how you like it!" She starts fussing with her hair, trying to make it neat.

"Here, let me fix it." I say quickly.

Making sure she can see, I reach for her hair and adjust it a bit, making sure it's out of her eyes but still wild and untamed, curling around her face in ringlets and curls. I look into her eyes. She looks suddenly shy. I push one stray lock of hair behind her ear and then keep my hand there.

"Is that better?" She asks quietly. I keep eye contact as I smile at her.

"It's perfect." I tell her just as quietly. "You're beautiful tonight Clary."

Her eyes widen and she blushes, and her sparkling emerald eyes dart to the floor.

* * *

 **A/N: Annnd I'll leave it there. Is that evil?**

 **Anyway, What did you guys think of the chapter? I was a bit unsure of the ending but let me know either way.**

 **Have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

 **Love Stormy xoxox**


	16. Let Me Teach You

**Disclaimer: I am not Cassandra Clare and do not own The Mortal Instruments series nor any other works of fiction, movies or songs mentioned in this chapter.**

 **A/N: Hey guys! Me again! Before anything else, I would like to thank Flora Silverthrush and Sabiduria for beta-ing this chapter. You guys made it better and I love you for it!**

 **Also, I lost the election by 200 votes (Urgh, come on!) so I should be updating more frequently.**

 **Also thank you to:**

ilikeya, PaigeStyle, DIVERGENTWIZARD, OurLittleInfinity3, XraineydayX, IngridPatrova, Kaciekat010, Dru-girl, dawnjozwiak, ClaryElena **and** ASliverofSilverandGold **for following,**

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 **And** marmaids, Flora Silverthrush, ilikeya, Too Wicked for this World, Percabethactingstar, WeArentLost-Yet, reppinda5o3, Debra Williams, chellebellejack **and** ASliverofSilverandGold **for reviewing! I'm so glad my last chapter got such a lovely reaction!**

 **The italics at the start of this chapter is the last bit of last chapter, where it left off.**

 **All my love and let me know what you think.**

 **Have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

* * *

 _Making sure she can see, I reach for her hair and adjust it a bit, making sure it's out of her eyes but still wild and untamed, curling around her face in ringlets and curls. I look into her eyes. She looks suddenly shy. I push one stray lock of hair behind her ear and then keep my hand there._

" _Is that better?" She asks quietly. I keep eye contact as I smile at her._

" _It's perfect." I tell her just as quietly. "You're beautiful tonight Clary."_

 _Her eyes widen and she blushes, and her sparkling emerald eyes dart to the floor._

* * *

Clary's POV

Magnus has marble floors. Or fake marble floors. But they're black and shiny and actually glitter. Or maybe it's just the fairy lights shining reflecting off the floor. I don't know. Either way, looking at Magnus' funky floor is not the distraction I was hoping for.

My cheek feels warm. Jace has big hands – they cover my face from hairline to jawline. I know that if I look at his face, I'll be lost in his eyes again, lost in the swirling gold of his gaze. That gold that has always been so warm, so tender when directed to me. I don't understand it; I don't get it.

"Clary, look at me." I hear his voice whisper, again, tender and warm – fond even. Almost amused. "Let me see your eyes." God he's convincing. And annoying.

I turn my head up to look at him, and lose myself in the gold of his eyes, the fondness of his smile, his face lit up from all the fairy lights.

And then I hear Isabelle singing, although screeching might be a more accurate word.

" _And at last I see the light_." And for some reason, this is hilarious.

I try not to laugh, I really do. I try to hold it in behind my lips, then my hands. But I can't, it just bursts out. And the next thing I know, Jace and I are leaning against each other for support as we watch Simon and Isabelle sing a really odd duet about seeing the light.

"There comes a point in every brother's life where we have to accept that our siblings are stupid." Jace observes. "Sad day for brothers everywhere." He finishes sadly.

"Oy biscuit, you're up next!" Magnus says, tugging on my arm and walking me to the stage. I shake my head madly, trying to stop him, but he ignores me completely, thrusting a microphone into my hands. "What song do you want?"

"Magnus, I am not doing this!"

"Don't be ridiculous, of course you are. You like _Quest for Camelot_ , right?" He says, going through a library of songs on his computer.

" _Quest for Camelot_ isn't even Disney."

"It's honorary Disney." Magnus dismisses, waving a hand, lights dancing off his rings. " _Looking Through Your Eyes_ okay?"

"Magnus!" I whine, trying to get him to stop.

"Brilliant, glad we can agree on that. Up you go."

"Magnus!"

"What? It'll be fun. Go on."

"But- but-" Unable to make a proper argument in return, I instead make a weird annoyed noise and wave my arms around. Magnus grins and shoos me. Actually shoos me, with hand movement and the actual word 'shoo'. I glare at him.

Then, because I choose to and not because he asked me to, I step onto the stage and wait for the music.

* * *

Jace's POV

You know that scene in _High School Musical_ where what's-his-face and what's-her-name are up on the stage and what's-his-face sings a line and then starts walking away and then what's-her-name sings the next one and he stops and turns back around because _holy hell the hot chick can sing_?

That is not what is happening here.

Honestly, Clary sounds like a dying cat. A dying cat that is being tortured. A dying cat that is being tortured and has a cold.

As she stands on the stage and starts to sing – scream, shriek, wail, whatever you want to call it – she looks shy and like she's about to run. I ready myself to run after her. But then someone whoops, then other people join in and something changes. Something in her eyes just clicks, and she gives a tentative smile and sings another line. Then another whoop and all of a sudden, she grins like a mad cat and starts belting out her song, closing her eyes, feeling the music and smiling like she's waited her whole life to do this.

I apparently have not seen this movie because I do not know the song but it's now my life's ambition to watch this movie; if it gets such an emotional reaction out of Clary it must be good.

"Well, she can't sing worth a damn." I turn to find Alec standing next to me. I grin.

"Nope, not at all."

"So… I can't find Isabelle." My brother tells me and I shrug nonchalantly in reply. "Or Simon." I raise my eyebrows and face Alec again.

"Interesting." I finally summarise.

"She wouldn't do anything stupid, would she?"

"Of course not. It's Isabelle."

"Those two sentences contradicted each other."

"Yeah… I realised as soon as I said it." I take a moment to think. "Well, I am sure that Simon won't do anything stupid. He seems like a very sensible… virgin-y bloke."

"Virgin-y?" Alec sounds grudgingly amused. I smirk, looking back towards Clary who seems to be coming to the end of her song.

"Don't tell me you haven't noticed."

"I haven't been looking, if I'm particularly honest."

"Nah, he's not really your type, is he?" I glance at my brother again and my smirk widens. "Magnus looks particularly pleased with himself."

"Jace," Alec warns, turning to glare at me.

"I'm curious though- was the first kiss tonight or a couple of weeks ago?"

"Shut. Up."

"Tonight then. Lucky you, brother mine." Alec makes a truly pissed off sound and buggers off just as Clary gets off the stage and starts walking towards me.

"What did you do to Alec _this time_?"

"I took great delight in him and Magnus."

"Him and- oh!" And the light flickers on. "Jesus, took them long enough. The sexual tension there was almost overpowering. But you'd think a bit of snogging would make him less grumpy."

"You'd think." I agree.

Clary combs her fingers through her hair, trying to push the wild curls away from her face. I grin triumphantly. She glares at me.

"Firstly," I begin. "Promise me you'll never sing again." Clary wiggles her eyebrows at me, going back to grinning. "And secondly, that didn't seem like you at all."

"What didn't?"

I wave my hand in the general vicinity of Magnus' stage.

"Getting up on stage, singing in front of people."

"Oh that. I had an epiphany." I raise my eyebrows at her.

"Really? Do tell." And then she beams at me.

Her face is completely full of joy, her eyes shining and face split wide open in a grin so huge it's almost blinding. She opens her arms like that Jesus statue in Rio.

"Fuck it!" She exclaims, her voice ringing.

"Fuck it?"

"Yeah! Fuck it! Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it!" Clary laughs, her eyes still shining. "I don't have school tomorrow, I'm not being suffocated by my parents; I am seventeen and am at a party with my friends! Screw responsibility and decorum and respect and being a meek little lamb! Screw hiding, screw distancing myself, screw it all! I'm in the prettiest and most expensive dress I've ever seen! Tonight I'm going to have fun! Tonight I'm going to dance and sing and jump around like a mad hatter! Tonight I'm going to fucking _live_! Because _fuck it_!"

I can't help but smile at her. And for some reason, I feel proud of her. Really proud.

"Attagirl Midget." She grins at me, making me feel about twelve feet tall. Then the music changes.

"I love this song!" She shrieks. She turns around and heads for the dance floor. "Tessa, Sophie, come dance with me!" She calls, taking their hands and pulling them with her. They all start jumping around, Tessa and Sophie looking astonished but pleased.

I watch Clary dance for a while, that wide smile still very much present on her face. She looks ridiculous, waving her arms around like an uncoordinated baboon.

God she's fucking beautiful.

"What did you do to her?" I look over to my left and see Magnus staring at Clary, shocked and delighted.

"I didn't." I reply simply. "That's all her."

Clary's POV

The night is cooling down. People have started heading home or falling asleep in corners. We ran out of Disney a little while ago so now there are random songs coming through the speakers, all decreasing in tempo and volume until there is nothing but slow-dancing songs. Magnus has a great playlist.

There are still a few couples on the floor, swaying back and forth lost in their bubble, smiling those secret smiles and whispering what I'm assuming are sweet nothings.

The seat I find myself on right now is possibly the most comfortable chair in the world. Or maybe that's just in my head because finally I am off my feet and my muscles can relax. I'm not sure how late it is and frankly I am not even sure I care. My smile has not left my face in hours, and my cheeks are aching like heck but again, I don't care.

Why would I? This is the best night of my life.

"Well, someone is enjoying herself." I look up to see Jace smirking at me. Ordinarily I would find that irritating but I just smirk back at him and gesture to the seat next to me. He takes the seat, letting out an exhausted sigh.

"Magnus throws a good party." I remark.

"Well, it was for Chairman Meow. Apparently no expense is to be spared." He replies, running a hand through his hair.

"I think Magnus was just using that as an excuse to get into your brother's arms."

"Into his pants, I would say." He dismisses.

Grinning at him, I point across the room to a couple dancing. One of them– Alec– has his head resting against the chest of the other, his eyes closed and a contented smile on his face. The other– Magnus– is smirking his fricking arse off. But not in a way that is at all frustrating. Instead he looks kind of like 'look!- I did it; I got him; he's mine'. And it is insanely cute.

"Huh," Jace huffs. "I stand corrected. Or sit corrected. Whatever, I'm corrected." Jace looks sideways at me then holds his hand out, palm up. "Song's about to end. Come dance with me."

"What? No. I don't dance." I reply quickly, shrinking away. Jace raises his eyebrows at me. "Well, I don't slow dance."

"Let me teach you then."

"You most certainly will not!" I huffed in annoyance.

"Come on Clary, don't be a chicken."

"I'm a Hufflepuff, leave me alone!" I refuse to laugh when he sends me a confused look. "It's bloody _Harry Potter_ , you stupid Muggle!"

"Stop changing the subject and come dance with me."

"I don't want to."

"One dance can't hurt. We've got about ten seconds till the song ends."

"Jace…"

"Please Clary?" And there the puppy dog eyes are. Damn him.

Sighing, I take his hand and allow him to pull me up. He surprises me by pulling me into a spin on my way up and I shriek as he grins at me, taking me into his arms as the next song begins. I lay my hands on his chest as he places his hands on my waist and we sway from side to side to the gentle beat of Shania Twain.

" _If I were the moon I could catch your eye. I'm jealous of the moon_." Shania croons through the speakers.

"Have you had a good night?" Jace asks me after a bit more swaying. I nod stupidly, still smiling.

"I don't get out much. At all actually. This has been… an eye-opener if nothing else."

"Why don't you get out much?"

"People." I say simply, not wanting to expand and Jace seems to naturally accept my wish.

"People do suck."

"Not all of them." I tell him without thinking.

"Just most of them." I chuckle, finding myself staring into his swirling golden eyes again.

"Depressing but true."

"You know, I think I've seen you smile tonight more than all the time I've known you combined." I duck my head, embarrassed.

"I had a lot to smile about."

"You should do it more often. It suits you." I look up at him again. He's smiling at me, fondness shining in his eyes.

"I don't understand why you do that."

"Do what?"

"Say nice things to me and smile at me like that. You don't smile at anyone but me."

"I smile at lots of people."

"No you don't. You grin. You smirk. Occasionally sneer. But you don't smile. Except at me." He takes a moment to reply.

"You're worth smiling at."

I duck my head again, laying my forehead against his chest. His shirt is smooth and comfy, and I feel safe – really safe – for the first time ever, there in Jace's arms, swaying on the dance floor. The music swells at the bridge but we don't stop the tempo of our easy swaying. I feel him lay his cheek against the top of my head, and then feel his temple next to mine.

"I'm really glad you came here tonight Clary." He whispers in my ear. I lift my forehead from his chest and look him in the eye. Those beautiful swirling golden eyes.

"Me too." I reply.

He looks at me, bending down so we're at the same level. I know he's waiting for me and I know what he's waiting for. And I want it too.

So I lean forward and press my lips to his.

We don't burn. We don't melt. We don't fall passionately into heavy kissing.

But it is warm and sweet. The feeling of his hands on my waist and his lips on mine is lovely, like being wrapped in a warm blanket, safe and secure and cosy. And when we break apart, and he lays his forehead against mine- neither of us panting and huffing uncomfortably into each other's faces- and looks me in the eye and smiles so sweetly, so tenderly, I can't help but smile back.

It's not hard and fast and sweaty and passionate. It's not burning and pushing and melting and demanding.

It's sweet and it's warm.

It's perfect.

And Shania finishes her song and basically sums it up.

" _When the moon's in your eyes, you seem to light up the skies. And I realise… I'm even jealous of the moon_."

* * *

 **A/N:... Thoughts? Comments? Questions? Yes? No? Maybe? Never update again? Let me know.**

 **The song is called 'I'm Jealous' By Shania Twain, if you're interested, it's a beautiful song and I really recommend it. Both versions, country and pop.**

 **Have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

 **Love Stormy xoxox**


	17. Let Me Hug You

**UPDATED**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own The Mortal Instruments, nor do I make any profit from this work of fiction.**

 **A/N: Hey guys, me again. Sorry it took a while. But thank you to Flora Silverthrush and Sabiduria for beta-ing this chapter.**

 **I'm so pleased that my last chapter got such a good reaction. Your reviews made me smile. Hopefully this chapter lives up to your expectations. But please don't kill me. Just a warning.**

 **Thank you to:**

Shadowhunterfan15, Herondale-potter-jackson, Thedarkestminds2442, lucy. rocks6, AnnaR5, darkened-angelwings, JelloDVDs **and** ReadingIsForNerds **for following,**

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* * *

Clary's POV

Hours later, Magnus and Ragnor have firmly separated me from Jace and directed me to a spare bedroom with three zonked out ladies sleeping in trundle beds, one sitting all ready and waiting for me, my bag having mysteriously found its way to the foot of the bed.

I take my bag into the bathroom and quickly change and braid my hair tightly then head back to bed and stretch out. Sometimes it is a gift being so small- you can stretch out on a tiny bed without risking your feet over the edge.

I close my eyes and think about that kiss. That perfect kiss. My first kiss. My lips still tingle. I'm still smiling like I have been all night but now it's for a different reason.

It's difficult to know if Jace kissed me because he actually likes me or if he just did it because of the timing. It's hard to get a read on him sometimes. But I refuse to continue with that line of thinking and instead burrow into Magnus' fluffy blankets and revel in the fact that Jace kissed _me_.

Out of all the beautiful girls here tonight, he kissed me. He called me beautiful and he kissed me.

 _Jace kissed me_.

And with that thought still running through my head, I drift off to sleep.

* * *

Jace's POV

At about nine o'clock the next morning, according to my phone, I wake up from my spot on one of Magnus' many chairs, surprisingly non-achy, and head to the kitchen where I can hear murmuring and, more importantly, smell something cooking.

Alec seems to have made himself at home in front of the stove, and Sophie is at the kitchen island making coffee and tea for everyone at the kitchen table. I'm surprised how many people are still here- Ragnor, Will, Gideon, Tessa, Maia, Simon and Izzy are crowded around Magnus' table with Magnus standing in the corner looking all mysterious and orange. And weirdly moody. I walk over to Alec at the stove top and clap him on the back.

"Hey Alec, what's wrong with your boy toy?"

"Good morning to you too, Jace, I'm feeling splendid, thank you for asking." Alec replies sulkily. "And he's not my boy toy."

"Boy _friend_ then?" My brother sputters indignantly and I cheerfully smirk.

"It is way too early for you to be such an arse."

"You insult me."

"Jace, I'm cooking. There are hot pans here. And knives and shit. Do you really want to piss me off?"

"You're a peach in the morning." I comment dryly, hoisting myself up to sit on the benchtop.

"And you're irritatingly cheerful, what's your point?"

"You are absolutely no fun."

"Oh leave him be and go wake Clary up. She'll miss breakfast." Sophie interrupts in a no-nonsense tone, walking past Alec and I, towards the table, masterfully juggling four mugs of coffee and tea.

"Clary stayed the night? I thought Ragnor was taking her home?"

"I have no clue. Someone just told me to make eggs so I'm making eggs."

"And we all thank you for it Alec." Will spoke up from the table. "Much like we all thank Sophie for making such lovely tea."

"Hmph!" Sophie snorts.

"I cannot win with that woman!" He complains, throwing his hands up in exasperation and slumping back in his chair. Tessa pats his hand consolingly.

"Maybe if you didn't refer to her as 'that woman'?" Gideon suggests.

"I'm standing right here!" The woman in question exclaims. Gideon sends her a wounded puppy look but Sophie just narrows her eyes and walks over to Magnus to give him his dose of morning caffeine.

"Sophie, my darling, you are truly an angel." Magnus tells her, taking a big gulp.

"Thank you Magnus." Sophie replies happily.

"That's exactly what I said!" Will whines. "Can you just-"

"Hush, William." Tessa scolds, sounding tired.

"Jace, I can hear you smirking. Can you just go get Clary please?" Alec demands, doing a flippy thing with the eggs. I push myself off the bench and head to Magnus' spare room where I'm assuming Clary is sleeping.

"Jace, a word?" Simon requests, only it doesn't sound like a request.

I raise my eyebrows but follow after him as he moves down the hall. He stops and leans against a wall, obviously trying to appear nonchalant but his eyes show concern and worry and my interest peaks.

"Listen Lightwood, I know you and Clary kissed last night." I work on keeping my face blank. This should be fun.

"Perving, were you?" His face takes on a look of disgust.

"Ew, no, what is wrong with you?!" He demands, shaking his head. "I'm trying to have a civilised conversation with you; do you have to be such a monumental cockhead?"

"Well that really does remain to be seen, do continue, Lewis." I wave my hand, gesturing that he should carry on.

"As I was saying," He says after drawing what seems to be an exhausted breath. "I know you kissed Clary last night. Now I want to just-"

"I think I've already got this speech from Magnus. Twice." I interrupt.

"Would you just shut up?! I'm trying to tell you something!" I smirk at his vehemence and shut up. For now. "Look. This morning I woke up with every intention of telling you to stay the hell away from Clary. However I have been informed that Clary is a big girl and she can make her own mistakes and blah blah blah. So," He rolls his eyes, letting me know that even though he is following the advice he's been given, he doesn't agree with it. "I'm just going to say this: You annoy the crap out of me and every time you open your mouth, I want to punch it closed. You hurt Clary and I will not hold myself back anymore." I literally have to wipe the grin off my face. I close my eyes and tell myself not to laugh.

"Well, colour me terrified- mortified, petrified. Stupefied by _you_." I quote _A Beautiful Mind_ at him and Simon glares back at me.

"Can you go three seconds without being an arse?"

"Not as of yet." I say with great gravity. "It's a curse really." Simon blinks and then releases a long-suffering sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger.

"Would you just… go wake up Clary." Simon waves his hand and starts walking away. I clear my throat and he turns back, narrowing his bespectacled eyes at me. "What?"

"You hurt my sister; I'll kick your arse." I tell him, point blank. "That's _if_ she hasn't done it for me already." Simon takes my statement much more seriously than I took his and wisely nods his head before walking away.

I continue down the hall towards Magnus' spare room.

* * *

I have had many dreams about Clary. Some are a little bit too private to talk about but others are innocent… ish. Funnily enough, I have dreamt about watching her sleep. In my dreams, she is an angel, smiling softly, her hair a wild, red halo on her pillow.

Looking at her now it becomes depressingly obvious that my dreams are far from reality.

She clearly braided her hair before going to bed, but some bits have escaped and now twirl about her head so she looks like Medusa. She has one arm curled around her head, the other lying on her chest. Her mouth is open and she's snoring softly. I should not be thinking that she is in any way attractive.

But she's adorable. I mean look at her, with her cute little mouth hanging open and listen to her snoring like a sweet little piggy.

Jesus Christ, Jace, snap out of it, for God's sake.

Shaking my head, I kneel down next to the trundle bed Clary is sleeping in and softly shake her shoulder. She does a funny little snort, moves her head and closes her mouth but doesn't wake. Testing my luck, I place my hand on her cheek.

She basically leaps off the bed and her eyes dart around the room in panic.

"Hey, hey, it's okay." I try to calm her.

"What happened, what's wrong, what did I do?" Her voice is small and terrified, her emerald eyes showing fear for an unidentifiable reason.

"Nothing, everything is fine." I soothe her, moving my hand from her cheek to her hair and stroking it gently. "It's just that breakfast is ready. Alec made eggs." Clary frowns adorably.

"What? I- What?" She says.

"Brekky. Eggs. Yummy."

"Don't like eggs." She sulked.

"Who doesn't like eggs?" Clary just groans tiredly and I chuckle, still stroking her hair. "Come on sleepy-head, up you get."

"Bed comfy. Shoo."

"Leaving aside the painful grammatical issues with that sentence, get up Clary."

"No." She all but growls. Unable to resist, I lean down and kiss her forehead. When I draw back, she suddenly looks much more awake- confused and concerned. I stifle a sigh.

"We should probably talk about that I guess." I mutter.

"Not right now." Clary hurriedly instructs. My eyes dart to hers. "Come on, let's go get eggs."

And Clary hops up and runs away from me. Again.

I drag a hand down my face and let out a dejected sigh. Then I stand up and follow after her.

* * *

Clary's POV

I really don't like eggs. Let me just say that outright. And I have tried dousing them in salt and pepper, sauce, you name it I've tried it. I just really don't like eggs. They're all rubbery and chewy and blurgh!

However, luckily I am not eating eggs. I am eating what Ragnor referred to as the 'Gay Pride Parade of the cereal world'- otherwise known as _Froot Loops_. Sophie made me a cup of tea which is somehow lovelier than any other cup of tea I've ever had, something which Will keeps huffing about. I feel like I missed something there.

The hubbub at the breakfast table is lively and fun and once again, I cannot stop smiling. It's exhausting really. And I am not entirely certain that someone didn't spike my drink or something- is it normal to be this… I don't even know the word.

I look around the breakfast table, see Sophie trying to avoid the gaze of Gideon, watch Simon shovelling yellow, scrambled eggs into his mouth while reading a comic book, watch Alec and Magnus have a conversation filled with blushes and smirks, listen to Maia as she jumps into conversations willy-nilly, observe Isabelle fiddling with her hair and lastly, my gaze finds Jace, leaning against the threshold of the kitchen watching silently.

Our eyes connect and we gaze at each other. There are many things going on behind his eyes. He's wearing blue denim jeans and a t-shirt the hugs his chest and shoulders and makes his hair stand out that much more- a golden mane around his head.

He must have realised I was staring because by the time I've looked back at his face, he is smirking at me. I blush profusely and duck my head, but can't stop myself looking at him again.

Now he's just smiling. Not smirking, not grinning, not raising the corners of his mouth to appear polite. He's smiling. And his smile is fond, tender, endearing.

I duck my head again and close my eyes.

I know what that feeling is now. I get it.

I'm happy.

For the first time in my life, I'm genuinely happy.

* * *

Lying down on Magnus' couch with my feet up in Ragnor's lap, I hold the TV remote and go through Magnus' astounding movie collection he has on his hard drive.

"Magnus, how many movies do you have?" I ask out of plain curiosity.

"Um… Few thousand I think." He replies from another chair, looking over a magazine. I stare at him and blink a few times.

"How do you download that much?" I demand.

"I don't. I borrow them from the library and then burn them onto a hard-drive." He looks up and winks at me. "Rebel, I am."

"Oh dear God, we are in the presence of a cold-blooded criminal." I mock. I feel the armrest by my head shift and I look up to see Jace grinning down at me.

"Is that opposed to a peace-loving criminal?" He inquires, looking pleased with himself. I wave his comment away, unimpressed.

"What's wrong with Netflix?" I ask.

"I have Netflix. Anyway, Biscuit, shouldn't you be thinking of heading home?" Magnus changes the topic, his voice kind. "It's getting pretty late." I groan loudly, not wanting to agree with him.

"Go play with Alec and leave me alone." I sulk, sounding aggravated- which I am. Jace lets out a shocked breath. I narrow my eyes at him.

"Oy!" Magnus exclaims. I close my eyes and sigh, knowing I shouldn't have said that.

"I'm sorry Magnus, I didn't mean to snap. I'm just…"

"Suffering from extreme clingy issues?" He suggests and I chuckle.

"Something like that I think." I sigh and sit up, looking over at Ragnor.

"Can you give me a lift back?" I ask and my friend hops up then bends down with an arm outstretched to help me up. I take it and push myself off Magnus' luxuriously comfortable couch.

"Actually, Clary, can I-" I hear Jace begin and I look down at him to see he's looking weirdly nervous. I raise my eyebrows and then send a grateful glance to the boys as they make themselves scarce. But then join the dots in my head and hate the boys for making themselves scarce.

"Look Clary I-"

"Look Jace I-" We both start at the same time. I laugh nervously and gesture for him to continue.

"Clary, last night- with the dancing and the… other thing… I just want you to know that I'm not expecting anything." He tells me, playing with the hem of his shirt and sounding just about as nervous and ineloquent as I've ever heard him. "I mean you don't- we don't- it doesn't- I um-"

"Did you not want to?" I ask, and my voice is embarrassingly small. "I mean was it not- did you not like it?" Jace blinks, looking stunned.

"Of course I _liked_ it. I _more_ than liked it. But I just wanted to make sure you were okay with it."

"No, I'm okay with it. I liked it. I mean I have nothing to compare it to but I thought it was… quite lovely." A moment of silence follows and Jace stares at me, a smile growing on his face.

"Wait… are you saying…?- Clary was that your first kiss?" I wrap my arms around my middle and hide behind my hair.

"A little bit."

"Clary?"

"Yes, fine, it was my first kiss, are you happy now?" I growl.

"Ecstatic." And then suddenly he's right in front of me and I'm staring at his chest.

He puts his hands on either side of my face and tilts my head up, then uses his fingers to hook my hair behind my ears. I refuse to look him in the eye, too embarrassed.

"Don't be shy, Clary. I think it's awesome." I scoff at him.

"Oh, really? How so?"

"It means that right now, at this moment, you're mine." My eyes dart to his. "Just mine. My girl. My Midget." I refuse to grin at that. "My beautiful girl." I look away for a second. "Look at me Clary."

I do and I lose myself in his eyes again. And then he kisses me and I have to wind my arms around his neck to stop myself from falling.

* * *

Ragnor pulls up outside my house, and I reach into the foot-well to grab my backpack.

"Got everything?" He asks me and I nod my head sadly, not wanting to climb out of his car.

"Thank you so much for this Ragnor. You have no idea how…"

"I think I've got some clue." He replies with a chuckle.

"No, you really don't." I push my hair out of my face. "Would you let me hug you, Ragnor?" Ragnor stares at me with wide eyes for a second.

"Holy fuck." He replies. "You thought you had to ask?" And then he seizes me and crushes me in a hug.

I return it with fervour, screwing my eyes shut in an effort not to cry. But it becomes too much too soon. So I have to pull away and hurriedly climb out of the car before he can say a word.

I open my front door and close it behind me.

Dad stands in front of me, his arms crossed over his massive chest, his black eyes giving away nothing. I begin to shake with fear.

"Good afternoon Clarissa."

"Hi Dad." I reply, trying not to let my voice shake. My father looks me up and down before smirking quite evilly.

"Did you truly believe you would get away with it, Clarissa?"

"Sir?"

"I drove past that address I was given. Do you know what I saw?" He doesn't let me answer. "Dozens of people, dozens of cars. Lights. Badly-chosen music. You went to a party Clarissa. Didn't you?"

"I-"

"Did you go there thinking I would believe your pathetic lies? Did you honestly believe that I would not be clued in?"

"I-"

"Did you whore yourself around, Clarissa? Did you throw yourself at the men there, let them use you?" He demands savagely. I shake my head violently.

"No, no, I didn't-"

"Did you whine about how dreadful your life is? Did you beg for relief? Did you spread Morgenstern secrets?"

"No, Dad, I didn't, I swear-"

"Liar!" And suddenly his hand collides with my windpipe and my head crashes into the door. "You're a liar, Clarissa, and you showed me disrespect. You need to be punished." I try to speak around his hand, but I can't get air to my lungs and my feet aren't touching the ground anymore.

"Dad- Please!" I manage, clawing at his hand.

Seeing the terrified look in my eyes, my father grins triumphantly. Then his fist flies.

* * *

 **A/N: Sorry! Please don't hate me. Thoughts? Let me know.**

 **Have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

 **Love Stormy xoxox**


	18. Let Me Just-

**Disclaimer: I am not Cassandra Clare. Woe is me.**

 **A/N: Hello my minions, firstly I just updated the last chapter with some editing and mixing up so feel free to read that again before this chapter. Secondly, sorry about the cliffhanger last chapter, but I felt it was necessary. We all need some drama, right? Although I was really pleased with the reaction, I have to say. I'm evil and odd that way.**

 **Thank you to:**

Tombasgirl92, amandalentz85, sarahsarahstack, LunaNight9, Tabberss, Chocolateflower, alwayslivfabulous, a-sexy-sexy-warlock, epuresoul, Flower rox1301, SuperDanishLovatic, Quoth the Night, chibijenn4, crazycody **and** TheMortalAndy **for following,**

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 **And, of course,** reppinda5o3, marmaids, Percabethandactingstar, Ravenclaw-ShadowhunterFae **(Are you okay?)** , Too Wicked for this World, Herondale-potter-jackson, Beth-Fangirl-OfSo-Many-Fandoms, Niamh **(Guest)** , Tiff **(Guest)** , GreyJem24 **(I'm thinking about 35-40 but this is actually tasking on a life of its own so I could be wrong)** , Debra Williams, WeArentLost-Yet, **Guest** , Loreen41319, ilikeya and ENPD **(Guest) for reviewing, I love you all!**

 **Now this chapter will be a bit angsty. I'm sure you were expecting that and I'm sorry but it will get better, I promise! Might take a little bit of time but it will happen.**

 **So let me know what you think of this one, I didn't get it beta-d because I wanted to get it out quick so sorry for any annoyances, if there are any let me know!**

 **Enjoy, have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

* * *

Jace's POV

That Monday morning, Alec, Izzy and I hop into Alec's Honda and head to school. For some reason, today I'm nervous.

Okay, so there's no 'for some reason' about it. I know exactly why I'm nervous. But the world doesn't need to know that.

As we head closer and closer to Taki's, the back of my foot starts bouncing on my foot-well and I keep a look out for red hair. Unexpectedly, we drive right past the little café without even slowing down.

"Alec, what about Clary?" I demand, thinking he's forgotten.

"She sent me a text this morning that said she was walking to school today." Alec explains. "Didn't she send one to you too?" He looks through his rear-view mirror at me. I frown and look sullenly out the window. Alec sighs.

When we arrive at school, I jump out the car and start looking for Clary, but before I can do a thorough search, the bell goes and I have to head to homeroom. I just hope she is at history class.

She arrives two minutes late to history class. Not enough to get in trouble, but just enough to spare herself from talking to me. And when class ends, she leaves before I can catch her.

Something is wrong.

At lunch time, she is not at our table and when I check the library, she is sitting right next to the librarian who doesn't allow talking around him and she doesn't look up from her book when I sit next to her. Instead, she very, very carefully turns the page of her book and makes a big show of being fascinated by what is written there.

I wait for another minute and a half before standing up and leaving the library.

Maybe she really is interested in learning about the breeding patterns of the common garden snail.

* * *

Clary's POV

I'm exhausted. I'm aching. I want to run to my friends and hold on for dear life and ask them to protect me.

But I can't. He'll find me. And he'll kill me this time. I know he will.

And so once again, I stay away, I distance myself, I don't let my friends near me. Once again, I run away, I hide because it is necessary, because it could hurt them.

And I die a little inside.

And so, with a scarf to hide my lies, long sleeves to hide my disobedience and a hat to hide my shame, I ghost through school again and pray, for once, that my friends don't care about me as I care about them.

* * *

Jace's POV

I spot Clary walking by herself out the school gates when the bell signals time to go home. Ignoring Alec when he calls out to me, I sprint after her and finally catch up.

"Clary, wait!" I call. She turns slightly, waits for a second, and then continues right on walking. "Hey, I just sprinted a full twenty feet!"

"Congratulations." She mocks, but there's not inflection in her voice, no life.

"What's up?"

"Normally I would say the ceiling but unfortunately there is no ceiling above us." She replies. "Therefore I will have to go with a cliché and say the sky."

"I get the vibe that you are not entirely committed to this conversation."

"What gave you that impression?"

"Well the total lack of enthusiasm was a big clue." Clary suddenly stops in the street and sighs, running a hand over her face. A few people make annoyed sounds but step around her, going about their business.

"Look, Jace… I just… I… Ugh!" She suddenly throws her hands up in the air, looking irritated- finally, some emotion. I don't say anything. "I'm sorry but I can't-"

"What's wrong Clary?" She closes her eyes and grimaces.

"Jace, I apologise if this is disturbing to you in any way, but I cannot be in your company anymore." I cock my head at her, uncomprehending. "I realise that this may be upsetting initially, however I really believe it is for your own benefit." I hold my hands up.

"Wait, Clary, smaller words." I wave my hands to illustrate her shortening her words. "Just- what are you saying?"

"I am saying that we can no longer be friendly towards each other."

"But we've never been friendly. Occasionally sarcastic. Sometimes snarky. But never friendly."

"Jace-"

"Okay, maybe we were friendly once or twice but… Clary, I thought you were okay with that. You said you were okay with that. What changed?" Stop being clingy Jace. It's emasculating.

"No, no, Jace, it's not that." She hurries to reassure me. I don't understand this conversation. "The other night was… wonderful. It was the best night and morning of my entire life." And Clary smiles. But I can't look at it. I can't bear the agony in her eyes. "But it can't happen again, and I can't be your friend." She says firmly. "Goodbye Jace."

She starts walking away and before I realise what I am doing, I'm reaching for her shoulder to pull her back. But I miss and instead, I grab her beanie. She covers her head with a shriek but too late- I can already see what has been done to her.

Clary's head has been shaved. All her beautiful hair is gone, save a few ugly tufts sticking up randomly on her head.

But it's so easy to tell she didn't do it herself because of the dried blood and scratches all over her scalp.

I stare and stare and stare, unable to look away. And then suddenly I feel tears in my eyes and I have to blink them away. Clary stares at the ground, looking ashamed.

"Clary… sweetheart…" The tone of my voice is pained, but I don't care.

"Can I have my hat back please?" She requests in a tiny voice. She holds out a hand, palm up, but her eyes stay fixed on the ground.

"Who did this to you?"

"Please give me my hat." She begs, sounding desperate. I drop the hat into her hand and she slams it onto her head. "I wanted to have a different look. It backfired. Now I regret it."

"Clary, let me just-"

"Please, Jace, don't ask any more questions." Her eyes seek out mine- swirling, sad green. "I'm so sorry to hurt you, I really am. But we can't be friends anymore." She turns to leave again, looking somehow smaller than she already is.

"Clary-"

"Please just leave it alone Jace!"

"I just need you to know that even if you can't be _my_ friend right now, I'll always be _yours_." I rush to tell her. "And I realise I sound like a total wanker but it's true, okay? Just let me know if you need anything and I'll be there." For a second she freezes and I think she is going to turn back around to face me, but then she squares her shoulders and continues walking home on her own.

* * *

Clary's POV

I sit at the dinner table, chewing some sort of pasta thing on autopilot. I feel like there is a fog surrounding my brain, making my emotions hard to reach and grab a hold of.

The moment I got home from school, it was like a vacuum sucked up everything that made me _me_ and I couldn't find the part of me that would normally bother to care.

And what would be the point of finding that part of me anyway? He'd just beat it right back out of me again.

"Clarissa, take your hat off." My father orders and I finally look off my plate. He smirks at me. "Covering your head at the table is rude." I stare blankly at him for a few moments before I reach up and take the hat off, dropping it on the floor next to me. "What did the children at school think of the new look?"

"They didn't comment sir." I reply, and even I notice the change in my voice. Mum looks at me worriedly.

"Is that so? Not even the females?"

"No sir."

"I was under the impression that hair was absolutely fascinating to the fairer sex."

"Apparently mine is not sir. I will make a point to find out what others think of it and report to you tomorrow." Mum gapes at me.

"That's not necessary, I'm sure Clary. I'm sure they love it."

"Yes." I agree before falling silent. For a few minutes, there is nothing but the clatter of forks on crockery. "May I be excused?" I finally ask, not taking my eyes off my plate.

"You have not finished your plate, Clarissa." My father growls. "Your mother worked hard to provide you with a meal." I genuinely believe that is the first time my father has ever acknowledged my mother's work in any way.

"Yes sir." I pick up my fork and resume my eating, trying not to throw up as my stomach twists.

"Clary, you don't have to finish it now, you can come back to it later." Mum reasons.

"Jocelyn, are you contradicting me?" My father asks in a dangerously calm voice. Immediately, my mother shrinks into her seat and shakes her head, going back to eating.

The rest of the meal passes in silence.

* * *

Jace's POV

The next day I burst into the principal's office, ignoring the scolding I get from her secretary, and slam myself into one of the available seats.

"You have to do something about Clary."

"Mr Lightwood, this is not-"

"Clary Morgenstern- you have to know something about what's going on!"

Mrs Branwell looks extremely uncomfortable. She fiddles with her plait and adjusts her chair, never once meeting my eyes.

"Mr Lightwood, while I understand your concern, it is against school policy to interfere in matters-"

"Don't give me that crap! You know what's going on!"

"It has never been confirmed, so we really can't-"

"But she's not safe!" I cry, frustrated that she won't listen to me.

"I understand your concern, Jace, I really do." I want to pull my hair out as she smiles at me. Doesn't she get it? "But every time we've asked Clary if everything is okay, she says that she's great. And until we get confirmation on anything, we literally cannot do anything."

"But-"

"Jace, I'm sorry, but that's my final answer."

"But he'll kill her!" Her silence spoke volumes.

She knew he was beating her. She knew he was going too far. She knew he could and would kill Clary. But Mrs Branwell was not going to do anything to stop it.

* * *

That night, I sit dejectedly in front of the TV and take my anger and hopelessness out on virtual enemies on my X-Box. Suddenly I feel a presence to my right and look over to see my baby brother Max sitting cross legged next to me, his glasses making his eyes appear huge.

"What you doing little man?" I ask him, deciding to make my character climb a tower.

"Alec says you've got heartache." I pause my game and put my controller down, giving Max my full attention. "But I don't know what heartache is." I think for a few seconds before replying.

"You'll understand when you're older." My brother lets out a groan.

"Everyone keeps saying that!" He complains. "But then when I ask _how_ old they don't have an answer. I mean, did no one write down how old they were when they started understanding things? There has to be some sort of code right?" I stare silently at my brother. "I mean at nine, you understand this, at ten, you understand that- did nobody write it down?"

"Well-"

"I mean I asked Mum why her and Dad stopped loving each other and she got all uncomfortable and said I would understand when I was older and I asked her 'how old' and she said that she didn't know and to go do my homework, so I don't even have an answer to when I will understand my question! It's infuriating!"

"It does sound infuriating, yes."

"I mean, you don't just wake up one morning and decide you don't love somebody!" Max crosses his legs and plants his elbows on his knees. "Mum and Dad always said that family was forever. But they were family and they weren't forever so what if they wake up one morning and decide that they don't love you or Alec or Izzy or me?"

"Max…"

"And don't say that that won't happen because if it happened to Mum and Dad it could happen to us and _no one will explain to me why!_ " I stare at my miserable baby brother and try to give him an answer that will help.

"Fifteen." I finally decide on.

"What?"

"You have to be fifteen to understand heartache." Max thinks about that for a second before his face morphs into a look of relief.

"Oh. Okay then."

"But the thing is: I'm not old enough to understand why Mum and Dad stopped loving each other. Izzy isn't. Alec isn't. Even Mum and Dad don't fully understand. We're never going to understand it, Max. It just happens. It's just one of those things that just… happens. And there's nothing we can do about it. But listen to me Max: They are always going to love you."

"But what if-"

"No, Max, trust me." I wrap my arm around his shoulders. "Mum and Dad are not each other's children. And thank Jesus for that. But the point is: you're their kid, buddy. Their baby boy." Max makes an indignant sound at the term 'baby' but I carry on regardless. "And Mum and Dad are always going to love you, no matter how many times you screw up or tell fibs or wreck your glasses; Mum and Dad are _always_ going to love you." Max thinks about my words for a few moments, before reaching for my controller.

"My turn." He says simply, and I laugh as my baby brother kills his virtual character almost immediately, and we play video games until his bedtime.

* * *

 **A/N: So thoughts? We saw a bit of Jace being a loving big brother, was that okay? I just really liked my Max so decided he needed to be in this chapter. I also thought we needed a bit of a break from the Clary issue, was I right?**

 **Anyway, let me know.**

 **Have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**


	19. Let Me Pick Up The Pieces

**Disclaimer: I am not Cassie Clare. **Dramatic sigh****

 **A/N: My munchkins, I have returned!**

 **Okay, so this happened quickly. Sorry it just sort of happened. I hope it's not annoying.**

 **Again, this one isn't edited but I hope it's okay just the same. To be honest, I'm not happy with this one but I kind of want the angst to just go away so be prepared for quick updates for a while and I'll come back and re-edit when things get happier.**

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brittanyerin17, TheDells, aries4me, jnightingale, Bookworm3497 **and** animefangurlcraz **for following,**

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 **And,** marmaids, Flora Silverthrush, Too Wicked for this World, Percabethandactingstar, GreyJem24, Ravenclaw-Shadowhunter-Fae **(Naaww, you're going to make me cry. I'm so glad you like it, I love your reviews!) and** reppinda5o3 **for reviewing. You guys make my day with your thoughts and responses.**

 **As always, my munchkins, enjoy, have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

* * *

Jace's POV

For three weeks, Clary doesn't talk. Not to me, not to any of our crew, not to the teachers unless they ask her a direct question and the more she draws into herself, the more I worry. I can see the lights in her eyes fading. And I can see our friends losing all hope as they watch her move blindly through school, clutching her books to her chest like they can shield her from the world.

Some days, it's easy to know what has happened to her at home by the amount she covers up, how she moves to make her limps less noticeable, how she winces while writing but never makes a sound. And sometimes I spot her gazing over at us under our tree with that yearning, longing look in her eyes again and I want to go to her, beg her to talk to me, beg her to just listen to me.

Beg her to come back to me.

Because I know I was getting to her. And I know it was only a matter of time before she told someone, maybe not me but someone.

But he broke her. And she won't let me fix her, won't let me pick up the pieces.

I wish she would let me in. I wish she would let me hold her and take away all her pain, protect her from everything that hurts her. But all I can do- all she lets me do- is watch.

* * *

The vibe at the table at Taki's is actually quite depressing. Clary's distance is taking a toll on everyone. No one says it in so many words, but I know that it feels somehow like there's a vital piece missing from our little jigsaw puzzle.

I sit in a chair facing the window outside and stare at the people going by. Mundane people with mundane lives; worrying about work or the mortgage or poor grandma in hospital.

And I wonder briefly if I am perhaps being a melodramatic teenager but dismiss the thought almost straightaway.

As if I would ever embrace such a hideously overdone cliché.

Taking a sip from my slightly overpriced coffee, I notice Caterina next to me waving to someone outside the window. I gaze in that direction and see Clary standing there.

She's still wearing that terrible beanie and I try not to think about why, try not to remember the horrible scratches I had seen there, but apart from that, she wearing weather appropriate clothes- an ironic t-shirt and jeans. However, still slightly paranoid, my eyes look over her arms just to make sure. Seeing nothing suspicious, I finally meet her gaze and find her staring straight at me.

This is the most she has acknowledged me in weeks. It shocks me how those big, beautiful, green eyes affect me, how hard it is to look away. She frowns as she looks at me, like she's trying to figure out a complicated riddle and I wish I had the answers she needs, but all I can do is stare.

Finally, I raise my hand and wave like Cat did, wriggling my fingers. It takes a moment, but finally, her own hand raises and she waves back. But her eyes are tearing up and she looks sad, that awful pained smile coming to rest on her face again.

I turn my hand palm up and curl my fingers towards myself twice; inviting her in, but Clary just shakes her head sadly. Hoisting her bag up higher on her shoulder, she waves again, before turning and continuing down the footpath.

I'm out of my chair before anyone can stop me.

* * *

Clary's POV

 _Stupid, stupid, stupid!_ I berate myself as I speed-walk away from Taki's window.

All these weeks of shutting down, shutting people out; all these weeks of making myself sick trying to get people to stop caring and then I go _waving_ at people like it's somehow okay? No. Behaving like I had a right to friendship was not acceptable anymore. It only put them in danger. I couldn't involve them anymore. I had to be alone.

 _Alone, unloved, unlovable._ I tell myself. _Alone, unloved, unlovable._

I suddenly hear my name being called. I freeze in the middle of the footpath, ignoring people as they glare daggers at me, feeling a sense of impending doom settle in my stomach.

 _No, no, no, don't do this to me now._

I feel a hand on my shoulder and close my eyes, knowing without a shadow of a doubt who it is.

"Clary, can we get out of the street for a second?" Jace asks, sounding entirely reasonable.

 _No. Clary, alone, unloved, unlovable. Don't forget._

"I have to get home." I reply out loud, so quietly I have no idea how he actually hears me.

"Please just listen to me Clary." He pleads and I almost agree, almost forget who I am and why this can't happen.

"I can't talk now, Jace, I have to get home."

"Well when can you talk?"

"Jace-"

"Clary, please? I would get on my knees and beg you but Isabelle would kill me for ruining these jeans. Please?" I keep my eyes on the ground, watching the shadows of people walking by.

"I have to get home." I say robotically, purposefully not letting any emotion into my voice.

"I miss you Clary." That shocks me so much that my eyes dart to his without thinking. I see by the look in his eyes that he's not joking. "I just want to talk to you." His voice is small and pleading and I close my eyes, trying not to cry as his words hit me like a ton of bricks.

No matter what I do, I always hurt someone. Even when I try to do the right thing and stay away, spare him from hurt, I still hurt him.

Am I just a horrible person, creating such pain everywhere I go?

And then his hands are on my face, cupping my cheeks and tilting my head up and I know he wants me to keep my eyes on him but I can't- it's too much.

 _Alone, unloved, unlovable. Alone, unloved, unlovable._

"No, Clary, no, stay with me."

 _Alone, unloved, unlovable. Alone, unloved, unlovable._

"I'm right here, look at me. It's okay."

 _No, it really isn't. Look what I'm doing to you!_

"Oh sweetheart, it's okay. I'm okay, you're okay." Jace say gently, like he's talking to a small child or wounded animal.

And then he's moving me off the footpath and I'm in his arms, pressed securely against his chest. His scent is all around and it's so cosy and safe I don't want to move.

"Just breathe with me, Clary, like that time in history class, remember?"

I shut my eyes and do what he says, but my brain is screaming at me that I have to go, have to get home, and it's hard to focus on his breaths.

"Just take your time and try to breathe. We've got tons of time." A few seconds- minutes?- of silence passes before Jace speaks again. "I could sing 'A Whole New World' if you wanted."

Unexpectedly, I laugh and my breathing goes back to normal. I can feel his smile against my hair.

After a few more moments, I reluctantly pull away and meet his eyes. I find him gazing at me, hope shining in his eyes and I wish I could be that girl he saw that weekend: the one who wasn't afraid of her own shadow, the one who was free. The girl who laughed and danced and sung and smiled. The one who joked with her friends, who initiated hugs instead of shying away from them. I wish I could be the girl that he kissed that night.

But I'm just me, just boring Clary Morgenstern.

 _Alone, unloved, unlovable._

I wish I had something to hide behind as Jace looks at me, had something to protect myself from his gaze that seems to peer into my soul. I know he can see the conflict in my eyes and it scares the crap out of me. He knows how vulnerable I am, how close I am to giving into this desire to get closer to him, to just know him better. And it's that desire that pushes me to reply to his earlier question.

"I'll be in the library tomorrow," I tell him. "At lunchtime. We could study there. Together. If you wanted." I'm looking down at the ground again, unable to meet his eyes, but I feel his hand on my cheek and have to stop myself from nuzzling into his palm like cat.

"Wild horses couldn't keep me away." He replies.

"What about wildebeest?" I ask innocently, feeling my lips turn upwards slightly at the corners when I hear his chuckle. The new shape of my mouth is so unexpected and surprising that I almost don't hear his reply.

"Now that is a different matter entirely." Jace informs me amusedly. "Although how you came up with wildebeest, I have no clue."

"My brain is weird." I state the obvious. "I have to-"

"I know." He interrupts sadly. "But I'll see you tomorrow. Right?"

I look up at him again, into the swirling gold of his hopeful eyes and I know I can't refuse him. Not when he is looking more hopeful, pleading and attractive than any one person has any right to be.

"Tomorrow." I agree. "Promise."

* * *

Jace's POV

Not every man can sprint into a library with as much grace and dignity as I can. And that stains on my shirt have absolutely nothing to do with the fact that, in my rush to get to the library, I smashed into a kid coming out of the cafeteria with an open bottle of orange juice. Those stains were there already.

I yank the library door open and scan the vast room for Clary, but she's not here yet. So I take a seat by the door and wait for her.

And wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Forty five minutes later, I'm still waiting and lunch has another fifteen minutes before it's over.

Doesn't this amount of frustrated sighing cause hyperventilation? Or something?

But to be honest, I'm not entirely shocked that she isn't here. I knew this was a long shot when I suggested it. It's not like she isn't a flight risk, and it's not like the word 'promise' is a binding contract or anything.

Just as I'm about to stand up and leave, the library doors open and Clary enters. She doesn't see me straight away, her eyes searching the chairs in front of her, not next to her. But finally, her face turns, and our eyes meet.

She looks worried and guilty, and I immediately feel any sense of frustration disappear.

"Hey Midget." I greet her fondly. She looks down and fidgets with the hem of her jumper.

"I've been standing outside that door for basically all of lunch time debating whether to come in or not." She informs me quietly. "I wasn't going to."

"What changed your mind?" I ask, running a hand through my hair.

"I made a promise I would be here." She shrugs her tiny shoulders. "I'm a Hufflepuff. It's kind of a thing."

"Hufflepuffs are weaklings." I taunt her, trying to put her more at ease. She raises her eyebrows at me.

"Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson is a Hufflepuff." She tells me simply. I frown in surprise.

"I stand corrected. Well sit corr-"

"Don't!" She orders before I can finish. "That joke has run its course." I grin at her and gesture to the seat next to me.

She surprises me by sitting on the floor and using the seat of the chair as a place to lean her head on. It's then that I notice the dark circles under her eyes and the long sleeves covering her arms

I slip off my chair and join her on the floor, not really knowing what to say. There really isn't anything to say though, really. Because in all honestly, what can I say to this girl?

"Is Alec letting you drive his car yet?" She asks suddenly, looking like she hates the uncomfortable silence as much as I do. I try to force a chuckle out but it sounds more like a grunt.

"No he isn't. Total overreaction on his part."

"Well, you did make his car into a- what was it?- gigantic eyesore?"

" _Humungous_ eyesore." I correct, knowing my smile is a bit less forced now.

"That was it." The corners of Clary's mouth turn up. "How is Alec? And Izzy? And… everyone?"

"Alec spends ninety-eight percent of his time staring at his phone blushing. Izzy is still her annoying fashionable self and… well… everyone else…" I look down at her small form; see her staring at the floor again. I know what she wants to hear. But I'm not here for that. "They miss you Clary. It's been shitty and depressing and just plain boring without you." Her eyes flick towards me and I see a flash of some emotion I can't quite place but then she's staring at the floor again.

"It's better for them if I'm not there."

"Oh don't give me that crap." I see her flinch but don't feel remorse for snapping. "You don't get to decide who your friends are. You don't get to decide who loves you." I watch Clary as she freezes, her muscles tensing. She shakes her head and mumbles to herself.

"But I didn't- They couldn't- I didn't let them-"

"Don't be a tosspot." I order, slightly irritated. "The more you 'didn't let them' the more they did."

"But-"

"Clary, just accept it."

"But they _can't_! You don't understand! It's not safe for them, you don't understand!" Clary hops up and starts pacing, sounding hysterical, flattening her hands against her temples.

"Clary-"

"You don't get it! You don't understand! You can't be around me, it's not safe! You don't understand!"

"So explain it to me." I say simply, standing and making sure my voice is low and quiet so I won't frighten her off.

But it does the exact opposite. Clary looks at me, looking absolutely terrified, and I can tell by the way she is fidgeting that she wants to run. I reach for her hand, trying to keep her with me, mumbling apologies and what I hope are comforting words.

"This was a bad idea." She says, still holding her head in between her hands. "This was a really bad idea, I shouldn't have come."

"Clary, please, please talk to me, sweetheart, what's wrong?"

"I can't do this. I thought I could but I just…" I reach of for her again, enveloping her in my arms. It's amazing how well she fits in my arms and I never want to let her go.

"Clary I-" I'm not even sure how I was going to end that sentence, so it just hangs there.

"I'm not being fair to you." I hear her mumble into my chest. And then she's pulling away and for some reason I don't stop her. "This can never work, Jace. I'm just… broken. You don't deserve to be weighed down by me." I can't figure out what to say, so I just stare at her as she smiles at me, her eyes showing wisdom well beyond her years- an age of sadness I just can't compete with. She lays a hand over my cheek. "Just forget about me and move on with your life. And tell the others to do the same. They won't understand straight away but it's better for them if I'm not in the picture."

She leans onto her tiptoes and brushes her lips across mine. I try to hold onto her but she's stepping away before I can. I try to make my mouth work. Try to convince her to just stop, just give me time to think, just slow down, but my brain doesn't seem to be in direct correspondence with my mouth at this point.

"See you around, Jace Lightwood." Clary gives me a brief sad smile and exits the library.

Okay.

What the fuck just happened?

* * *

 **A/N: So... um... yeah?**

 **Let me know what you thought. I love your reviews!**

 **Have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

 **Love Stormy xoxox**


	20. Let Me Tell You A Story

**Disclaimer: I am not Cassie Clare, nor did I write the Mortal Instruments nor do I like avocado. Basic facts.**

 **A/N: So... hi guys. Me again. I hope you have all had a lovely holiday period, whichever religion you do or do not follow. And to all those who don't identify with any religion but had fun anyway- me too! Anyway, now that's out of the way, here's the next chapter. It is relatively short but it seemed like a good place to end it. Please do feel free to let me know what you think... **Wink wink, nudge nudge**.**

 **Many thanks to:**

MagikDragon, maria1deoliveira1, CaitlynG, Cheyashton, Nicole. Queen, JMHerondale **and** as4623 **for following,**

MagikDragon, maria1deoliveira1, Alyssacorn, Cheyashton **and** Nicole. Queen **for favouriting**

 **And** Flora Silverthrush, LunaNight9, marmaids, cecilos, Ravenclaw-Shadowhunter-Fae **(Is Kitty okay?)** cheshire15, WeArentLost-Yet, Percabethandactingstar, reppinda5o3, hisprincess1189, Too Wicked for this World **and** Tiff **(Guest) for reviewing! You guys are amazing! 16 more reviews and we hit 200! Just... holy wow.**

 **Anyway, everyone, please let me know what you think of this. I think you guys will like this chapter but love the next one... not saying anything more. Hehe.**

 **Anyway, enjoy, have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

* * *

Jace's POV

"What's got your knickers in a twist?" Isabelle demands, plopping her jean-clad butt on the seat next to me. "And, please Christ, don't tell me it's that girl." I turn my head to glare at her.

"What is your problem with her exactly?"

"I have many problems. Clary ain't one of them." My sister informs me, shrugging, apparently not clued in by my time. "However, she is apparently one of your problems. That makes her irritating."

"Jesus Izzy. I'm not five. I can handle my own issues."

"Well apparently not. You've been moping and staring off into the middle distance for three days."

"I have not." I sulk.

"Now I'm not opposed to the occasional bout of dramatics. I have even been known to have those myself."

"You shock me."

"However this," She waves her hand at me. "Is just plain pathetic."

"This is honestly none of your business Isabelle."

"What happened between you two?" Izzy continues, ignoring my attempts to shut her up. "Because all I can see is a girl who has caused a heap of damage for no particular reason whatsoever."

"That's not-"

"No, think about it. One day, she's totally normal. And the next she's off doing a 'feel sorry for me' act, making the whole frigging school depressed while she's acting like she's the only one feeling bad. Am I the only one who thinks that's just incredibly selfish?"

"Isabelle, you don't understand-"

"Is that what _she_ told _you_? So you'd shut up and walk away and let her feel sorry for herself?" I don't reply to that question, too shocked to do so. My sister smiles like a cat with cream. "Exactly. And if I'm not letting you get away with it, why are you letting her?"

"Because her issues are a lot more complicated than ours."

"Really? For some reason I doubt that." I start to reply, but she cuts me off. "They may be _bigger_ , but not more complicated. A problem is a problem- but it's not an excuse to hurt people and it's not an excuse to be a bitch."

"It's not as simple as that." I try again.

"Okay, you big idiot, let me put it this way- if it was me or Alec or… I don't know… Will acting this way, would you let us get away with it?"

"Well-"

"Precisely. So snap out of it. Get her off that pedestal." And with that, my sister stands up and heads to the dining room. "Mum says dinner is in ten minutes."

* * *

Clary's POV

A week passes after what I call the 'Jace Incident' and life at school goes back to its lonely, boring self, life at home continues to be as crappy as it always has been and- well basically it's shit.

I throw myself back into my art, sketching every time I have a spare second, my fingers constantly stained with charcoal. My art teacher seems to find this new 'level of emotion'- her words- completely fascinating. She tries to convince me to branch out with new mediums but I stubbornly stick with charcoal- the harsh black lines cutting through the paper suit my mood.

It's easier to burrow inside my head, not pay attention to what's going on outside me. It makes it simpler to convince myself that I'm not missing out on anything. But sometimes, I'll catch a glimpse of one of my friends as they go to their next class or sit under their tree at lunch and I wonder what's going on with their lives, what's happened since I've left.

Sometimes our eyes will meet and I have to duck my head to avoid the questions in their eyes. It's always the same- that pained, confused look, and I walk away yelling silently to myself in my head, throwing accusations at myself.

As I sit outside on one of the benches hugging the wall, I gaze up from my sketching periodically to watch my friends sitting under their tree. Magnus lies on the grass with his head in Alec's lap, even if Alec has not stopped blushing since he perched himself there. Cat seems to be bossing Ragnor around about something. Maia and Jordon are, predictably, making out and staring into each other's eyes. Isabelle and Cecily are having an apparently extremely exciting conversation. Simon is sorting out Pokemon cards and everyone else is chatting.

Apart from Jace who seems to be zoned out.

His forehead is held in his left hand, elbow pointed on the table. With his right hand, he is tapping randomly on the table top, his eyes staring blankly on his fingers.

He must sense me looking at me, because the next thing I know, his eyes have connected with mine.

I don't know what to do. Do I smile? Do I look away and pretend it didn't happen? But before I can figure it out, Jace decides for me.

At first, he looks pained and confused, but then his face changes. Out of nowhere, his face hardens, his mouth flattening into a straight, harsh line. But what scares me are his eyes; the molten gold always swirls and burns, showing all his emotions plainer than words on a page. But suddenly, they're rigid and cold, like the gold has unexpectedly been chucked into water, turned frozen and hard and dull.

And then Jace narrows his eyes and glares at me.

My eyes widen in shock and- frankly- fear. But before I can say anything or make a gesture, Jace shakes his head in what looks like disgust, and turns away from me.

* * *

Jace's POV

Since my little talk with Isabelle, I have been thinking about what she said. And you know what; my annoying, uptight, irritating, baby sister is right.

Please don't tell her I said that.

It has taken me a while to figure this out- more time than it probably should have- but Isabelle was right when she said the Clary is being selfish. Even when I had that conversation- if you could call it that- with her in the library, it was all about her, about how she was protecting us, about how we wouldn't understand her problem.

I've noticed the way she moves now, the way she always makes sure that we can see her during lunch, the way she makes sure that there is eye contact whenever we pass her in the hallways, and honestly, now that I think about it, it almost seems like she is doing it on purpose. The entire time she was talking to me in the library, she wanted people to forget about her. So how exactly are we supposed to do that if she won't let us?

Sitting in the third history class of the week, I lean as far away from Clary as I possibly can, for the first time ever wishing I had picked one of the un-showered blokes to sit next to at the start of the year instead of the petite redhead.

As Mr Starkweather badgers on about this or that or something, I notice Clary frantically searching through her pencil case, pulling out stick after stick of charcoal but no pens. Finally she sighs and turns to me.

"Can I borrow-" She whispers. I slam a pen onto her open notebook before she can finish her question and search my pencil case for a spare. I don't reply and don't turn my head to face her, even if half a minute later she is watching me with a funny little frown on her face. I curse my peripheral vision.

After class I pack my books and pencil case up quickly, snatching the pen back as Clary shyly hands it to me. I get out of that room faster than I ever have, ignoring her as she calls out for me.

There's something I never thought I'd do.

* * *

Clary's POV

I don't understand why Jace is so mad at me. I don't understand what I did wrong.

He glared at me at lunch and now he won't even look at me. I don't get it.

I run after him into the hall after history class and almost lose him in the crowd. His legs are so much longer than mine, he moves so much faster than me, but finally I catch him, laying a hand on his shoulder. He shrugs it off.

"Jace, what's-"

"Not now Clary. I'm extremely not in the mood. It's amazing how not in the mood I am."

"I- I don't understand." I stammer.

"I'm ignoring you Clary. Or trying to. Isn't that what you want?" He growls, finally deigning to look at me, And I see in his eyes anger, almost fury. But something else. Something I can't put my finger on.

"You're mad at me." I finally reply, not knowing what else to say.

"Well no shit, Sherlock!" He suddenly yells, throwing his hands in the air. Other students slam their heads down and keep walking, not wanting to get involved. "What was your plan Clary? Honestly? If you were going to push me away anyway, what was the point of getting me to care about you? Was it all some game to you?"

"No, Jace, I didn't- it wasn't-"

"You know, I genuinely thought you were different." He tells me, glaring at me with those awful empty eyes. "I thought for once I had met a woman I could have a decent, relatively long term relationship with. Or at least a friendship with. But then you just-" He pinches the bridge of his nose between thumb and forefinger and lets out a self-deprecating laugh. I stare at him, unable to say a word. "Clearly, I have terrible taste in women."

"Jace, I didn't mean to- I just- I thought- I thought you'd be better off without my drama, is all. I just thought if I stayed away that-"

"Oh shut up!" Jace suddenly looks angry again. "If you wanted us to forget about you, if we were better off without you, why do you sit every day on that bench?"

"What?" I question.

"You think we don't see you? All depressed and staring off with that yearning look?" He demands, taking a step towards me. "What exactly do you expect us to do, Clary? Do you expect us to feel guilty as you sit there?"

"No, no, I just-"

"Then what? Because how are we supposed to forget you if you're in our faces every single fucking day?"

"I guess I just didn't think about that." I admit, not liking the way he is pointing all this out. Guilt and shame swirl in my stomach.

"You didn't think about that. Of course you didn't." When I look at Jace again, he looks almost disappointed. "Forgive me if I think that basically means you're acting like a self-centred bitch."

"Lightwood!" We hear a stern voice exclaim, and we turn to see Magnus marching towards us, looking more serious that I have ever seen him. "Back off, go to class."

Jace looks at me one more time before shaking his head and continuing down the hall, turning a corner and moving out of sight before I can say a word. My eyes connect with Magnus' and I feel like there's so many unsaid words hanging between us, forming an even bigger rift between us.

"Thank you, Magnus." I finally say, turning my head away and wishing I still had hair to hide behind.

"Just because I defended you, Biscuit, doesn't mean I disagree with Blondie's statement." My eyes widen in surprise. "Take a good long look at yourself and make up your mind." With those final words, Magnus turns and walks away, leaving me alone in the hall, my mind swimming in confusion.

* * *

Jace's POV

"Mum, can I ask you a question?" I ask from one of the chairs around the kitchen island. Mum is sorting out some paperwork, looking tired and worn out, but when I ask her for something, she still looks up and smiles at me. It takes her a few seconds for her to zone out of what she was doing before she replies.

"I encourage it." She tells me simply, placing her black pen down and giving me her full attention.

"Well, there's this girl at school: Clary. And we were getting pretty close recently, until one Monday she came to school and she wouldn't talk to anybody. Every time I tried to reach out to her she just ran away from me."

"Do you know why?"

"I've got some ideas. But a little while ago, I convinced her to talk to me and then she said she couldn't be around me or any of us and that we were better off without her." I try to explain quickly, not wanting to dwell on anything. "But the thing is, even though she doesn't sit with us anymore, she still sits in a spot where we can see her and I feel like she just wants us to feel bad for her, to get sympathy. And so today I kind of… well we had a fight and I said some terrible things. It wasn't even really a fight; it was just me yelling but…"

"So what's your question?" Mum asks, knowing I don't want to focus too deeply on that fact.

"Do you think it's wrong for me to be angry at her when she's clearly got something going on?"

"No." My mum decrees.

"But I-"

"Jace, let me tell you a story. My dad had what we now know is depression." My mum interrupts. "You never knew him- he died when Alec was a baby- but he was a strong man. He fought every day. Except sometimes, it would get too tough for him and he would slip and his depression was more noticeable. Sometimes those slips would last for months, a couple of times they lasted a couple of years. And he would say horrible, terrible things, things that hurt me and your uncles and your grandmother, but he didn't realise that he was even doing it."

Mum sighs, and I can see her falling back into her memories. "One day, I came home from a friend's place and I found him crying at the kitchen table. I put my arms around him and told him it would all be okay. And he told me he had never had one good day, not one." My eyes widen as I notice tears in my mother's eyes. "And I just got so angry, I just snapped. This slip had been going for about three months, and I was so sick of him saying things like that, I was so sick of him feeling sorry for himself, and then feeling guilty for being angry with him. And so I yelled at him.

"I yelled at him that how dare he say that? He married my mother; he was there at the birth of all his children; he was there at my graduation from high school. How dare he say that he hadn't had one good day?" Mum runs a hand over her face. "It didn't get better right away but he eventually got a bit better again. He still said terrible things from time to time but he always apologised afterwards because he knew that I had a problem with it."

Finally, Mum smiles again and I relax. "My point is, Jace, we're all human. We all have emotion and it's okay to express that. It's okay to be angry, so long as you don't physically hurt someone. This girl has hurt you and other people, it sounds like. It's okay to be angry about that, and it's okay to show it. Sometimes anger is good, because the other person realises that they have upset you and they need to change their behaviour, like my dad did. I wouldn't worry about it. It kind of sounds like she needs a kick up the arse anyway." I chuckle, surprised, and grin at my mum.

"You have a point."

"Of course I do, I'm fabulous." I shake my head fondly. "Now go do your homework."

"Yes Mum." I mock.

"That doesn't work as well when I am, in actual fact, your mother."

"I realise." I grumble, before standing up to kiss her cheek. "Thanks Mum."

"No worries. Hey Jace?" I turn just before exiting the room.

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?" And without thinking, I give the reply everyone on the planet hates.

"I'm fine."

* * *

 **A/N: So thoughts? We had some Lightwood Girl Power going on there, you like?**

 **Let me know.**

 **Have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

 **Love Stormy. xoxox**


	21. Let Me Regale You

**Disclaimer: I am not Cassandra Clare.**

 **A/N: Hey guys! Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, I have returned, to share more of my insanity with you!**

 **Okay, so sorry it has taken so long to post another chapter. There was the moving and then the mental health and now I'm moving again because the people I'm living with got evicted and urgh! Anyway... point is I'm back! Huzzah!**

 **Thank you to:**

Claceismyotp, Dreameuro, Nobody To Everybody, Mysterygirl77, JamieWayland, ahealybradygmail, annieherondalelightwood, CPM2003, Dauntless-Princess3392, talkingtothemoon38, Foundalaska, mocerebral, elizabeth-cassandra-sarrows, Chae-lo, , The Crystal Rose, kristywidge, Kitty9876543210, ReineLVIII, authorshateus, IAmMisaki, I am well at grammar, Bookwork2000, sharingstories2, Lana. Lily99, eve redfern, m1090, Letitgo92, melodyann75, SamicaWrites **and** A bleeding heart's tale **for following,**

Claceismyotp, ahealybradygmail, annieherondalelightwood, Dauntless-Princess3392, talkingtothemoon38, elizabeth-cassandra-sarrows, The Crystal Rose, Kitty9876543210, I am well at grammar, LittleDancer29961, sharingstories2, AngelAndDreamer, eve redfern, m1090 **and** sparkleunicorns16 **for favouriting**

 **And** MrsChisHemsworth, reppinda5o3, Too Wicked for this World, Wraith of Starlight **(He meant basically does Clary want to be their friend, or does she want to be by herself?)** , Ravenclaw-Shadowhunter-Fae, sexistpiglet, chompchomp123, JelloDVDs **(Guest)** , GreyJem24, **Guest** , JamieWayland, annieherondalelightwood, Sabiduria, FangirlOfLiterallyEverything, The Crystal Rose, Slayer, ASliverofSilverandGold **(As Jade)** , Angeliel, WeArentLost-Yet **and** ReineLVIII **for reviewing! I am so amazed by the response from last chapter!**

 **Last chapter had a bit of a mixed reaction, but that was actually really exciting for me! I loved the response from that and I would love your feedback on this one, obviously. I'm beginning to sound like a broken record, eh?**

 **Anyway, just one more thing: I'm going to put a VERY IMPORTANT A/N at the bottom of this to explain an idea I had and I would love everyone's ideas on that. So if you could read the explanation after this chapter and drop me a line, tell me what you think of that idea, that would be great!**

 **Anyway, enjoy, have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

* * *

Clary's POV

Later that night, sitting at my desk staring at my computer screen, I try to figure out what is going on, why everyone is angry at me.

I know that they want me to talk to them. I know that, for them, talking is easy. I know that, for them, it's so simple to connect. I know that, for them, their problems are easily figured out. It makes sense, then, that they believe they can fix my problems by me talking to them.

The thing is, there is a part of me that does want to talk to them. There is a part of me that just wants to pretend I'm fine and sit under our tree again. But I can't handle their looks, their questions. And I know they will ask me questions, I know that they will want answers. And I can't give them anything, I just can't. There are too many risks, too many variables- after all, it can always get worse.

My friends are so much stronger than me, but then they haven't had to deal with what I am dealing with. I know that I shouldn't compare our lives or troubles, but how can I not? How can I not wish that I grew up like them, with a family that loved and accepted me? Even if that family is broken, even if it's a small family, all of them feel loved, all of them feel accepted. How can I not wish for that?

Slowly, my mind formulates a plan. Maybe I can't tell my friends everything. But maybe I can tell them something. I could tell them something small so that most of their questions are answered and we can go back to how it was. Maybe if they don't know everything- just enough- I can be near them again.

Suddenly feeling lighter than I have in weeks, I open up my email browser, not wanting to wait till tomorrow. But just as I start to write in addresses, doubt settles in my stomach.

What if they won't forgive me? Even Magnus is mad at me- what if a small explanation isn't enough? What if I need to do more for them? What if an email won't cut it? What if-

 _Oh shut up, Clary!_ I think to myself. _You want them back in your life. This is necessary._

But no matter how much I scold myself I can't seem to find the words. Apologising, explaining to all of them at the same time is just-

But maybe I don't need to do it all at once. Maybe… I can practise… maybe…

I type in one email address and begin my missive.

* * *

Jace's POV

I lie on my bed with my feet where my head should be, bouncing a ball off the wall. The rhythmic thump has put me into some sort of angsty teenager trance. There are things I should be doing right now, but I honestly don't care about how many people died in the Irish Potato Famine or how the movie _Braveheart_ is historically inaccurate, nor do I care that we no longer have any clean cups in the cupboard and I can't make it from my bedroom door to my bed without tripping over something.

Some sort of screamy-guitar-y type music is blaring into my ears so loud that I can probably be certain of hearing loss. But I honestly do not care.

You can go ahead and say that I'm sooking, or feeling sorry for myself. And you'd be right. Because the thing is, today I realised something- this is probably the first time I've had to chase a girl. And I do not like it. I'm a spoilt little brat, I know, but this whole Clary thing is no longer fun for me.

It stopped being fun the moment I starting actually _caring_ about her.

Which is bloody ridiculous, given that the whole caring thing is making me miserable. You'd think it'd do the exact opposite.

After a while, I hear a ping from my phone signalling an email. I unlock my phone and open my email, expecting to see spam. Instead, I see something I definitely did not expect.

An email from Clary.

I take about twenty seconds to think about it before opening it up.

 **From: Clarissa Morgenstern  
Subject: I'm sorry  
Date: 3 August, 2016 9:17pm  
To: Jace Lightwood**

 _Dear Jace,_

 _I know this is probably unexpected. Especially today._

 _I thought a lot about what you said and how I've been acting the last few weeks. And you were right. I didn't really think about it and maybe it was subconsciously done but even so, it hurt you. I was only trying to help you out but all I did was hurt you and for that, I am sorry._

 _The thing is Jace: my life is pretty… complicated. But that shouldn't be your problem. I didn't mean to shut you out. Well, I did but I was just trying to do the right thing for you._

 _If someone tells you often enough that you're worthless and no good and a whore and everything insulting you can think of, you start to believe it._

 _Jace, this is really hard for me to say. But, see, my father isn't exactly, well, nice. He's controlling and manipulative and emotionally abusive. And after Magnus' party, he kind of blew up at me a bit. The original plan was that he was under the impression that I was going to Magnus' for a school assignment. What I didn't know was that he drove by that night while I was there, saw all the lights and the heard the music and he was none too pleased, let me just say that._

 _So when I came home, he blew up at me, called me all these names and I didn't really know how to handle it. I cut all my hair off because he kept saying the way I looked was just whoring myself around to the nearest man and I just had to do something. I regret that now._

 _When I came back to school, and I drew away from you and everybody, it was just because I could hear my father screaming in my head, about how horrible and dirty I am, and I just couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle how he could take something that was so wonderful, so beautiful as that night with you, and turn it into something so ugly._

 _But that's no excuse: I shouldn't have let it get to me._

 _I'm sorry Jace._

 _I understand if this isn't reason enough to forgive me. I understand if I've hurt you too much for you to let me back in your life again. But I would really love to talk to you. And I'll try to be more open with you, try to let my guard down._

 _I'm sorry Jace._

 _I really miss you._

 _Love,_

 _Clary._

I stare at my phone screen, and then reread the email about a dozen times. Finally I press reply

 **From: Jace Lightwood  
Subject: Re: I'm sorry  
Time: 3 August, 2016 9:36pm  
To: Clarissa Morgenstern**

 _I'll meet you out the front of Taki's tomorrow morning._

 _We'll talk. We'll see._

 _Jace._

* * *

I get Alec to drop me off at the corner of Taki's and lean against the brick wall of the café, staring down the street, waiting for Clary. If I'm honest, I already know that I will forgive her- I'm that pussy-whipped- but that doesn't mean I don't want her to squirm a little.

What? Don't act so surprised; you already know I am an arsehole.

Finally, I spot her walking towards me. Her bag is thrown over one shoulder, her head still covered with a beanie. But instead of her usual, rugged-up look, she is just wearing a plain red and black t-shirt and three-quarter length jeans that hug her delicate curves and make me want to run to meet her. But that would completely end the making-her-squirm plan so I just continue to wait for her to come to me.

Her eyes connect with mine when she's about five steps away and we don't look away from each other until finally she stops right in front of me. No words are said, but there really isn't a need to say anything, until finally, Clary breaks the spell.

"Jace, I'm so sorry. I never meant-" And then I'm kissing her.

I don't even know how it happens, but one moment I'm watching her, with those big green eyes, showing how scared and apologetic she is, and I know she means it and the next moment, my arms are around her, clasped at the small of her back, and I've bent down to meet her lips with mine.

Whatever she was about to say gets lost as we kiss and I'm not sure if the kiss is hard or tender or somewhere in between. All I know is that I want her closer and as her hands find their way onto my chest and her fingers latch onto my shirt, I have never felt so free. Nor so protective.

This girl- this tiny, fragile, beautiful girl- keeps on surprising me. Just yesterday, I was telling myself I needed to get over her, but now look at me, as far from 'getting over her' as I could probably get in a public place.

Finally, we break apart, our foreheads pressed together, our arms still around each other. I don't open my eyes, savouring the moment and the kind of warm _completeness_ that comes with kissing Clary. And then she sighs and I grin and open my eyes to see her smiling softly. Her eyes snap open when she senses me watching her and she sheepishly grins before hiding her face in my neck, her arms moving to wrap around my chest. I chuckle, pulling her closer, if that's even possible.

"Shut up." Clary grumbles into my chest and I laugh again, feeling all the awkwardness and all the hopelessness of the last few days just dissipate.

"I missed you, sweetheart." I tell her quietly.

"I was so worried you wouldn't want to talk to me." She whispers, so quiet I can barely hear her. "I thought you wouldn't ever want to speak to me again. Which I would have understood, I mean I'm not-"

"Hey, shush!" I tell her, pulling her away from me to look her in the eye. She looks vulnerable, biting her lower lip. "Clary, I understand why you did what you did. I just wanted you to talk to me, and you did. That took guts. And I feel close to you now. In fact," I say, allowing some cockiness to enter my tone. "It's now my life's mission to fill you with so much self-confidence, your ego will rival my own."

"That could take a while." Clary replies, a smile in her voice.

"Problem?" Clary grins at me and shakes her head, her eyes shining with relief.

"Come on then, Romeo." She commands, drawing away from me. "We'll be late for school."

* * *

Clary's POV

I think I'm shaking as I walk towards the group's spot underneath the tree at lunchtime. Jace already has spent the past ten minutes on trying to calm down my racing heart. I had already decided that I was going to do this. There are just so many maybe's happening in my head that it's hard to quiet them all in order to form a coherent sentence.

Finally, I make it to the table under the tree. Jace sits down easily next to his brother and steals Will's apple, taking a bite out of it and smirking when Will squawks indignantly. On the other side of the table, Caterina and Maia smile at me, looking nervous themselves like they know something is up. Everyone else doesn't notice, too drawn into their conversation.

"Hey guys." I murmur before I can lose my nerve. My friends turn to me, and all of them either have blank looks on their faces or they look extremely hopeful.

I freeze.

 _What the hell are you doing Clary? For God's sake, what are you doing?!_ My inner bitch screams at me.

I open my mouth and try to push words out, but all that escapes me is air.

 _What is wrong with you? Do you honestly think they're just going to forget your complete silence for the past weeks? Are you kidding me?!_

I shake my head and wrap my arms around my middle, trying to get my head to stop racing.

 _There is nothing you can say to make this better right now!_

"I- I-" Finally some sound comes out but I can't figure out what to say.

 _Just shut up and walk away. What good can you do now?_

I can't figure out what to say past the screaming in my head. I know that they're looking at me, waiting for me to talk to them.

 _Just walk away. You father is right about you, they'll never forgive you._

Honestly about to give up, I scan the faces of my friends, wanting to memorise them, lock them in my mind. And then my eyes connect with Jace's, and the screaming in my head comes to a complete stop.

In that moment, it's just me and him, looking at each other over the space between us. His eyes show sympathy, but not pity, which surprises me. The smile he sends me is encouraging, hopeful. But I know he won't push me, I know he won't plead with me. Because I know he understands now, at least more than before. I know that he accepts what I have told him and that he knows that I can't tell him more until I am ready.

And for some reason, knowing all of that, feeling his support and encouragement even from a few feet away from him, seeing the acceptance and understanding in his features, I know I can do this. I know I can say the words, and accept my friends' decisions.

Because even if they won't forgive me, even if they want nothing to do with me, at least I still have Jace.

"I'm sorry." I finally say, feeling proud of myself when I get the words out. "I didn't mean to hurt you guys or confuse you." Already, I can see the looks on their faces soften, but I need to explain a bit more. "I can't really tell you much but my home life isn't great. I was trying to make sure I didn't burden you guys more than necessary. I know that didn't really work and I'm sorry." I look them all in the eye, suddenly feeling brave. I don't try to protect myself by wrapping my arms around myself like I normally would- I stand straight and… well not _tall_ but… resolute.

No one says a word- they just slowly turn away and go back to the conversation. I frown, unsure what's happening, but then I see Ragnor and Simon have moved a little so that there is a gap between them and Ragnor pats the space between them, grinning at me, and I quickly sit in the space they offer.

Simon gives me an awkward one armed hug while he goes back to eating his sandwich and reading his graphic novel. Ragnor smiles at me. And Catarina reaches across the table and hands me a container of sliced strawberries. I send her an amused, confused look and she just shrugs and smiles.

"So, let me regale you with the tales you've missed." Ragnor says, bending down so he can talk quietly in my ear. "Those two," He points towards Magnus and Alec. "Are irritatingly adorable. Those two," He points to Maia and Jordon, sitting on opposite ends of the table. "Are being very weird. Those three," He points to Tessa, Will and Jem, huddled together having an animated conversation. "Are dancing around each other like it's about to go out of fashion. And those two," Lastly, he points to Isabelle and Simon. "Had sex." My, Simon's and Isabelle's eyes widen in shock and, in their cases, fear as Ragnor grins evilly.

"What?!" Alec yells, standing up and glaring at Simon.

"For fuck's sake, Isabelle!" Jace shouts, rising and narrowing his eyes at his sister.

Ragnor and Will dissolve into laughter, while everyone else not involved in the family crisis suppress nervous smiles.

Oh, it's good to be back.

 **A/N: So, thoughts? Let me know! :)**

 **A/N (Idea): Okay so, I've noticed that in the reviews I'm getting, people are starting to guess how this story will end. I've had a thought: multiple endings!**

 **A/N (Explanation): So how it would work is that you guys submit ideas for endings, I write that ending, an epilogue for the ending, and a continuation of the story as if that ending didn't happen- three chapters at the same time. This is because it seems a bit daft to end the story in multiple ways but at the same time- that wouldn't work plot-wise and probably would be too rushed. Then, when everyone is satisfied that there are enough ways the story has ended, everyone votes or reviews their favourite ending.**

 **A/N (Why?): Because, dear mushrooms, I am a writer. Writing is what I do. Thing is, it would be really nice to say I am a 'published author'. Once the voting has happened, the best ending will be made apparent, and I can publish this story with the best ending.**

 **A/N (What's in it for you guys?): I know it is annoying when a writer takes down their fanfic because they've published it. So I thought about a solution: The person/ persons who submit the most beloved ending to this story can request a free copy of the published edition, which I will also sign if you like, that I can send to them personally. Everyone else who wishes a copy can contact me and I can send you a personalised copy of the published book, signed as well if you like.**

 **You guys are my favourite people. The encouragement and love you've sent me is amazing and I'm so appreciative. This is why I thought you guys should have a say in how this story ends. Of course I have my own idea, but I thought this multiple ending idea would be fun. Let me know what you think of the multiple ending idea.**

 **Either way, starfish, I am going to turn this into a published work. When that happens, I will of course give you warning and will send a copy to anyone who wants one. But let me know whether you guys want a say in how it ends or if you guys are willing to blindly hand this story's fate over to me.**

 **As always, please let me know what you thought of this chapter, my multiple endings idea, and if you like that idea, an ending suggestion.**

 **As always, have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

 **Love, Stormy xoxox**


	22. Let Me Warn You

**Disclaimer: Not Cassie Clare.**

 **A/N: Thank you to everyone who followed, favourited and reviewed. I did write out all your names to thank you all personally but then buttons were pressed and I lost them all and I just don't have the energy to write them all out again. Some of you have brilliant usernames that are confusing to write down and remember. But sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for your support and for sticking with me.**

 **A/N: I know it has been so long- more than a year- and I'm sorry. The truth is, I've been homeless on and off for the past 14 months. Couch surfing at friend's places, which all blew up one way or the other, living in caravan parks with no locks on the doors, living in the car... I had it much better than many people, but I still couldn't find it in me to write. But now, I've been approved for a rental property and I move in on the 20th. With my computer, my phone, a few changes of clothes and not much else. But still... after hearing this news, I was able to finally write this. I hope it is worth the wait.**

 **A/N: If I'm honest, there isn't much Clace in this, just a lot of character/ plot development. But next chapter will be filled with it- I have such a gooey plan for next chapter. I was trying to draw a parallel between Jace's family and Clary's, so let me know if that is done well enough or if I need to make it more obvious.**

 **A/N: I love you all for sticking with me. On with the cinematic adventure!**

 **Enjoy, have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

* * *

Jace's POV

"So remind me again: Why are we watching this?" I demand, raising an eyebrow at the TV screen.

"Shut up!" My sister commands from the floor. From the sound of her voice, muffled behind a hand, it is clear that she is crying. I turn to Alec, seated next to me.

"No, seriously, why are we watching this?"

"Shut up!" My older brother mutters, wiping under his eyes to get rid of tears.

Oh good God.

"It's just death. And he's not even alive, he's a bloody robot!" I say quietly.

"He's Superman, shut up!" I frown at my baby brother as he places a comforting arm around my sister's shoulders.

"But seriously, why are we-"

" _Shut up!_ " My brothers, sister and mother all yell at me, voices cracking, with tears slipping down their cheeks.

I hate my relatives.

I pull my phone out of my pocket and start fiddling with it, ignoring my sappy family as they continue to cry and be generally irritating, looking up at the screen every few seconds just to make sure I don't miss any tear-jerking moments.

I don't think I can roll my eyes any louder.

"And it's not even a real robot, it's just an anima-" Before I can finish my sentence, Alec throws a cushion at my face, almost gouging my eyes out with the buttons.

Rude.

I look back down at my phone and try to find something more interesting to do. Minutes pass in relative silence, apart from the sniffling, and just as the credits start rolling, the doorbell rings. No one volunteers to answer the door, too busy trying to find the tissues.

I head towards the door, not looking up from my phone, typical teenager that I am, and open the front door. I don't hear a greeting, so after a few seconds I look up.

And come face to face with my worst enemy.

"Robert," I growl to my... urgh… father. "I distinctly remember telling you to never come here again." He scowls at me.

"And I distinctly remember teaching you to respect your elders."

"You don't even deserve the faintest _whiff_ of fu-"

"Language!" I hear my mother bark from behind me, and both of our gazes turn to her.

My mother stands in our entryway, looking strong and stern, her mouth curved into an annoyed scowl. She slides her thumb into the pockets of her jeans and taps impatiently at her thighs with her fingers.

"Robert, I would have thought you had more maturity than to argue with your moody teenage son." Mum says, sounding grimly amused, and I smugly smirk, enjoying my father's discomfort. "And Jace, I invited him here."

"You what?" I demand, bewildered.

"Yes, I invited him here." Mum continues. "I think we all need to sit down at the table-"

"No. No, no, no, no, don't say it."

"And have a reasonable, adult conversation where we-"

"Mum, seriously, don't say it!"

"Listen to each other's grievances and points of view. I think we need-"

"Don't say it!"

"To have a family meeting." My brain splits in two at those hateful, terrible words and I fall dramatically against the wall, my face screwed up in agony.

"She said it!" I whine. "You said it! Why would you say something like that?! Why would you hurt me this way?!"

"Jace, I don't think it's that bad." My father says.

"Did I ask for your opinion?" I growl back at him. I turn back to my mother and roll my eyes. "Fine. Get the damn bear."

* * *

Clary's POV

There comes a point, I think, where humans get tired. This bone-deep, soul-clenching tiredness that just kind of takes over your entire body, until you're at the point where you can't even lift your head from your pillow anymore because it is just too much effort.

And we all reach that point of tiredness, I think, whilst doing algebra homework.

I was perfectly fine with maths- some would even say I was good at it- until they added letters. They lost me there. Now, it just gives me a headache. And of course, makes me tired.

But to be honest, I would rather be doing this than going downstairs to dinner, as my mother is asking me to do.

I slowly trudge down the stairs towards the dining table, where my mother is carefully lining cutlery onto placemats.

"Hi Clary, honey." Mum greets me, not looking up from what she is doing. "I thought we'd have a big family dinner and all have a bit of a chat. I feel like we haven't talked much lately."

I run my fingers over my short, stubbly hair and think: 'Gee, wonder why?'

"I mean, your father has been so busy lately and I know it's getting to that time of year when school is all over the place. But I thought that tonight, we could just…"

"Chat." I finish for her. She looks over and smiles at me, tears shining in her eyes, and nods slowly.

"Exactly."

I'm not entirely sure what Mum expects me to say to this. I know that she chooses to live a lie: That everything is fine except when it really _really_ isn't. For her it is easier to live like that.

But it isn't that simple to me. I can't ignore everything that happens. I can't ignore the fact that I can't hide behind my hair at the breakfast table anymore. I can't ignore the fact that both of us are covered in bruises and my father seems to derive some sick satisfaction out of it. I can't ignore the fact that I can't sleep until after I hear the tell-tale snoring of my father in the next room, telling me it is safe to close my eyes.

But at the same time, I can't ignore my mother, standing there with tears in her eyes and a hopeful smile on her face. I can't ignore the urge to protect her from further pain.

So, against my better judgement, I sit down at the dinner table.

"So what's for dinner, Mum?" I ask, placing my napkin carefully down on my lap.

"It's a surprise!' Mum relies cheerfully, looking far too happy all of a sudden. "I'll just go get your dad."

Five minutes later, Mum is drizzling her home-made, wholegrain-mustard sauce over tray baked salmon steaks with crispy skin, resting on a bed of fluffy basmati rice. Dad trails behind her and portions out roasted green-beans and tomato, our plates becoming alive with colour and glorious scents.

My favourite meal is placed in front of me and my mouth salivates, waiting for permission to start.

Slowly, Dad picks up his fork and begins eating, Mum and I following suit almost immediately.

"So Clarissa," Dad starts. "Have you heard from Jonathan lately?" I cough around a mouthful of salmon and rice, my eyes darting up to his. I quickly swallow whilst shaking my head.

"No sir!" I quickly reply. "I made it clear that he was a traitor to the family and I didn't want him contacting me. I swear."

"Oh, well I think that might have been a bit foolhardy, Clarissa." My father tells me, an odd, terrifying glint in his eye. "I mean, I hear from your mother that his wife is expecting a child."

I look towards my mother, betrayal shining in my eyes. I can't figure out what is happening. I don't know why my dad is talking about this.

I begin to question the cheeriness of my mother, the food, the 'chatting'.

This was a set-up.

Mum set me up.

"As I'm positive I have taught you, family is everything, Clarissa." My father continues, smirking smugly. I quickly turn back to him, trying to keep eye contact. "And if your brother is to have a child, I believe this child should be introduced to its family, should it not?"

 _Mum set me up._

"I don't think-"

"You don't think? No, you really don't Clarissa, but that isn't the point." Dad cruelly tells me. "You will get back in contact with your brother and you will get that baby into this household."

 _Mum set me up._

"But I-"

"Clary, honey, we just want to know our grandchild." Mum speaks quietly across the table, and Dad nonchalantly goes back to eating, making approving noises. My eyes fill with tears as I stare at my mother, my mouth dropping slightly in horror. "Family is everything."

 _Mum set me up._

"Mum… I… but I told him that he wasn't welcome and…"

"But you can write again, let him know that we've talked about it and changed our minds." My fingers fiddle with the hem of my shirt, trying to sort out the flashing thoughts in my brain. "Jonathan needs to know that what he did was wrong, but family is always more important."

 _Mum set me up._

"I don't think this is a good idea. Jonathan… he's got a new life, a life that I don't think includes us anymore." I state.

"Enough!" Dad bursts, slamming his fork down on the table, making an indent in the wood. I shrink away from him, trying to disappear into my seat. "Let me warn you Clarissa: you _will_ do this." He growls. "I don't care what you have to do or how long it takes. Jonathan will come back to this house. His child is a Morgenstern. Morgensterns belong in this house!"

My eyes widen in horror. I look between my mother and my father while they go back to eating.

Looking at my mother, I can't even see the faintest telltale sign of remorse or fear in her stance or face. She eats perfectly happily, chatting with my father about how great this meal is and how we should have it more often. And my father smiles indulgently and tells her: "Whatever you like, Jocelyn, my love. You are a culinary genius."

I look down at my food and feel suddenly sick, not wanting to eat another bite. As I do, the fish becomes slimy and oozy in my mouth, the taste of the sauce becoming overwhelming with vinegar and the beans becoming tasteless and chewy.

I can't believe Mum has done this to me. I can't believe she wants to do this to Jonathan… or to his innocent unborn child.

 _My mum set me up._

 _I'm not even safe from my mother._

* * *

Jace's POV

Okay so _maybe_ I overreacted a _little_ bit.

But, in context, I am totally in the right.

* * *

So basically, as soon as my dad walked in, we had sat down at the table, with the dreaded 'Family Meeting Teddy Bear' and my mum had started off.

"So, I've called this meeting," Mum had stated. "Because I feel as though there has been some unheard or misplaced dialogue between this family and that needs to be remedied." She had looked around at everyone with a stern expression while everyone squirmed in their seats. "Now as we know, there is nothing more important than family. Above all, this family sticks together, we support each other and we allow everyone to let their feelings be heard and validated."

I had sighed dramatically, not wanting to hear this pop-psychology crap anymore. Mum had pounced.

"Now Jace, when you have the bear, you will have every right to sigh and groan and grunt about like a cave-man all you please, but while I have the bear, you will allow me to speak." She had reprimanded. I may have pouted a bit but had remained silent.

"First, your dad and I will air our sides of the story and then we will pass it along to you four to air out your grievances and see where we stand. Does this sound okay with everyone?" We had all nodded dutifully.

"Okay then." Mum started fiddling with the ear of the teddy-bear, looking uncomfortable but stubborn. "I feel as though our family is not saying everything that needs to be said. I feel as though, due to the nature of your dad's and my divorce, you kids are being forced one way." I had felt the urge to reassure my mother, and she had appeared to notice, because she gave me a stern look before continuing. "I love that you are all living here with me, and I love you all for your support and kindness. You are all such wonderful kids and I am so proud of all of you." Tears had appeared in Mum's eyes, and she had taken a steadying breath.

I had looked around at my siblings, noticing that Max looked supremely uncomfortable but triumphant at the same time. Alec had looked serious and stoic, not giving anything away, but holding a hand over Max's shoulder. Izzy had looked completely furious, throwing glares at Dad left, right and centre. But she had remained silent, keeping herself in check.

"But I also feel as though there are two sides to this story. I don't want you kids to live a life without at least knowing your father and having some kind of relationship with him. I don't want you to cut your dad out of your life on account of me. I feel as though you kids should at least try to hear his side." Mum had taken a steadying breath, and slowly handed the bear to my father.

Three seconds had passed in relative silence before my father began to speak.

"I know what you kids think of me. I did make quite a few mistakes here. I am in the wrong." He had paused for a few moments, as though he had only now figured this out. "I loved your mother. I still do, though differently to before. I don't think you can ever stop loving a person you've been married to for as long as we were. But the thing is, love is tricky. And I fell in love with another woman. I didn't mean to. I didn't even particularly want to. But it just happened."

I looked over at my brothers and sisters. Max looked vaguely disgusted, Izzy looked even more furious than before and even Alec had begun to look angry.

"I know that I shouldn't have acted the way I did. I know I should have discussed this with your mother before I acted. But I can't go back and change it now. I love you kids, and I wish you would come to see me. I understand why you haven't yet, but I hope that one day you do."

Dad had started to pass over the bear to Max, and then paused halfway, and that was when the minor overreaction happened.

"And," He had said, calm as you please. "I also hope that one day, you may consider meeting Annamarie."

Izzy was the first to stand and start yelling, screaming about how Dad was worth than rat filth. Then she had started detailing what was worse than rat filth, and then worse than the things that ate rat filth and on and on. Alec had yelled about how Robert was nothing but a hypocrite, and he was not interested in meeting this new woman whilst Mum still cried herself to sleep most nights. Max had just sat there, looking angry but confused as to why.

Mum had cried a little but had quickly tried to calm everyone down.

And me… well… I took hold of Robert's coat collar, dragged him to the door, opened the door, and promptly threw him out the door.

"We're not interested in what you're selling." I had told him, before slamming the door in his face.

* * *

And so now I sit here, on my bed, having been banished here without dinner by a very angry, but also slightly grateful looking mother, looking through my phone, trying to find something to do to pass the time.

My phone dings, and I check the messages app.

A text is there from Clary, and I worry as I read it.

 _**Jace… I need your advice.**_

* * *

 **A/N: So, thoughts? I would definitely understand if it wasn't worth the wait but I'm hoping I don't lose too many of you.**

 **A/N: I'm hoping to get the next chapter out in the next couple of weeks so look out for that.**

 **A/N: I love you all so much! Thank you!**

 **Have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

 **Love,**

 **Stormy xx**

 **P.S: I need a new penname, because the ramifications of that particular one are just too awful... so I will have a new penname after I post the next chapter.**


	23. Let Me Through!

**Disclaimer: Not Cassie Clare... Unless there is some weird time-travel, butterfly-effect weirdness going on.**

 **A/N: Okay, so now I've got all the names of the people who followed, favourited and reviewed chapter 21, I will thank you:**

 **Thank you to:** Shadowizard256, Cdigi, Vikilinn, AlexEana, tab1522, anna. lentz00, JenyC, celiklene, Reannah, Hopesangels18, giovana. bruh1, MaliaS, hempp, starburst333, lillianwillsurvive, Shibin, aniyah12, swatson46, lifesabitch, Clace4Ever-NeverInsultMyFandom, Bluepancakes432, Divergent. Insurgent. Alligiant, Purple Lark, NightmarLover, DeathlyRune, Fantasy Lives Forever, LoveLacedWithBeauty, Queen 0f Heartz, Djluva, Snowlup, CLACEXHERONDALEX, apbassett, lizhayes13, AnimeLova-T, MissFanfiction16, Tuey101, xxkiks, Vondy4life, SaintSynthetic, kgilbert2021, Kamali patel, Pglove16 **and** Sabbott435 **for following,**

Shadowizard256, Cdigi, AlexEana, Kitty Crescent, celiklene, MaliaS, aniyah12, swatson46, Bluepancakes432, Divergent. Insurgent. Alligiant, NightmarLover, DeathlyRune, Stephello, FallenAngelHerondale, Djluva, mariagiovanna, CLACEXHERONDALEX, apbassett, cait418448, Mariam Garcia, lizhayes13, bubbles5833, AnimeLova-T, chellytee13, MissFanfiction16, xxkiks, kgilbert, cutiepiiiie98 **and** Superinstruments **for favouriting,**

 **And** cheshire15, WeArentLost-Yet, Laurinis, reppinda5o3, catastrophicmind, BennieWaffles, JelloDVDs **(X7)** , Writesalott **(X13)** , LunaNight9, AlexEana, Angeliel, Ester Shadow **(X2)** , , phippsm2, Queen 0f Heartz, DJ **(Guest) and** Tuey101 **for reviewing chapter 21.**

 **As for chapter 22, thank you to:** BeTheLeaf916 **for following**

BeTheLeaf916 **for favouriting**

 **And** Liz399, glitterangel1, Ester Shadow, SamicaWrites, **for reviewing.**

 **A/N: So... I know that I said I would be a couple of weeks for this one but it just sort of... happened. And honestly, I don't know where it came from. I was not planning to go this way, and definitely not so quickly as this.**

 **A/N: Trigger warning: The violence in this is a bit... worse in this chapter. Very confronting, very upsetting. I'm sorry, but as I said: it just... happened. I was upset by writing this. So just... tread carefully.**

 **Enjoy, have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

* * *

Clary's POV

After 'The Dinner', I hide in my bedroom, thoughts racing through my head faster than I can catch them.

Jonathan is an arsehole. He left me. He abandoned me. He hurt me.

But, he's my brother. I love him, despite everything. Despite his abandonment, I can't just give him over to my father. I can't just let him suffer.

And he's got a wife now, with a baby on the way. I can't let them be introduced to this. I can't let them enter this house.

I can't let my father have them.

That baby is my niece or nephew. I have to protect them. I have to make sure my father never sees them or gets to them. I have to keep them safe.

This is my responsibility now. I put them in danger; I have to get them out of it.

But Mum… How could she? How could she sit there and let Dad talk about meeting with Jonathan and his wife? How could she think of selling them out to that monster she calls a husband?

How could she trick me like that? How could she lure me in with her tears and hopeful looks and pleading and my favourite dinner?

Is she that far gone?

Tears leak from my eyes as I stare up at my ceiling, question after question flailing through my head, swirling around like dust in the light. I place my hands over my eyes, trying to shut everything out, trying to focus, and I feel the tears making my hands wet, my cheeks wet, my pillow wet.

I feel disconnected from my body, stuck in the swirling mess of my brain.

I want to scream and yell and shriek.

I want to stand up to my father.

I want to accuse my mother.

I want…

I want…

Jace…

I need Jace.

* * *

Jace's POV

I stare at my phone, wondering that maybe it's just a normal request for help. Maybe she needs advice for history or maths or biology. Maybe she needs advice on a piece of artwork she's planning.

 _**Jace… I need your advice**_

What does that mean? Why is she so vague? Why does my heart start racing as soon as I see those words?

My brain swirls for a few minutes, telling myself that it is fine, it's probably just a school project or a thought that beckons the artistic corners of her brain.

But then another text comes through.

 _**Can you meet me at Taki's an hour earlier tomorrow? Please? It's important.**_

My fingers work faster than my brain as I type in a reply.

 _**Of course Midget.**_ I send off the first message and then my brain catches up. _**Are you okay? Are you hurt?**_ I ask, risking her shutting down on me, but needing to know.

 _**I don't know. Please just be there tomorrow.**_

I read that text about seven times, before hurrying to reassure her that I will definitely be there, I can even meet her now if she needs. She tells me that tonight isn't possible, her dad is still awake.

We agree to meet tomorrow. My hands shake as I send off the message and my chest starts to hurt as I think of all the possibilities and start to hyperventilate.

"Alec!" I scream, and even to my ears, I sound like I'm panicking.

The sound of at least three pairs of shoes running to my room isn't enough to make my heart slow down.

The door bursts open and Alec, Izzy and Magnus stand at the threshold. Izzy looks scared yet ready to battle whatever demons have entered my room, and both Magnus and Alec are shirtless. I hardly notice.

Seeing the look on my face, Alec rushes into the room and sits next to me on the bed, placing a steadying hand on my shoulder. I look over at him.

"Can I have the Honda tomorrow morning?" Alec looks confused for a second while sounds come from Magnus and Izzy, sounding amused or annoyed and I don't know who made which sound but don't bother to find out. Finally, Alec's face becomes aggravated and he throws his arms in the air.

"Jace, I thought you were being attacked or something! All you want is my car! Are you kidding me?"

"Alec, please. Clary texted me and… she said… she wants me to meet her tomorrow early and I just… please?"

"Oh, for God's sake!" Izzy cries. "Just let him have the stupid Honda. The sooner he gets over that girl, the better."

"Izzy, it isn't… you don't… Alec, please?" I say simply, not even sure why I'm being like this.

"Jace, what's wrong?" Alec demands quietly. I look at him and feel tears spring to my eyes.

Clary needs me. She needs me to be strong and helpful- she needs me to help her. She called _me_. Why am I acting like this? Why am I so scared?

But, then again: why tonight? What made her finally decide to do this? What was the tipping point? What if she's hurt? What if he's hurt her and she needs help now and I'm not there? What if she isn't okay?

I look at my big brother and I know that he realises that something big is happening but I can't find the words. The very air in the room is different, like everyone in it is gearing up for battle. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Magnus leaning forward, needing me to answer now, Isabelle standing tall, her entire face showing that she's comprehended that this is bigger than her unfounded dislike of Clary.

"Alec, I think Clary is going to talk to me tomorrow. About her secret." I tell him. "I think she's finally going to admit what's wrong." Magnus gasps next to me and I throw my hands over my eyes. "Alec, I don't know what to do." I run my hands through my hair and breathe out a long, frustrated, terrified sigh.

Alec looks up at Magnus and they share a moment of silent, poignant communication.

"I'll call Ragnor." Magnus states. "And Simon." Alec nods at him, before turning back to me.

"Okay, here is what we're going to do: Magnus will call Simon and Ragnor and they'll be on standby. You, me, Izzy and Magnus will go to Taki's tomorrow. We will stay in the car until you tell us it is okay to come in. If she's okay after that, we'll contact Simon and Ragnor and they'll meet us at the station. She'll make a statement and we'll go from there. Okay?"

"What is going on?" Izzy demands, sounding annoyed and confused. Alec sighs, while I ponder the plan silently.

"We're quite positive that Clary is getting abused by her father."

"What?!" Izzy exclaims.

"You haven't noticed? The long sleeves, the obsessive 'clumsiness', the violent 'hay fever', the scarves, the lack of social interaction and suffocating personal bubble? The _hair_?" Alec waits while Izzy wrestles with herself, her mouth opening and closing rapidly.

"But… I just thought… I just thought she was odd… with really bad temperature control. I thought…"

"I told you that you didn't understand." I growl, suddenly feeling motivated, angry.

"But… fuck… _fuck_! I've been a _bitch_! I've been an _absolute, total bitch_!"

"We're aware." Alec and I tell her in perfect synchronicity.

"Okay. Okay, we need to help her." Alec and I look at each other and roll our eyes. "Right, that's what you were planning. Okay… we should probably contact Catarina too, right? She's going to be a doctor so she'll know how to... if Clary's hurt she can…"

"Good idea, Iz." I reassure her, knowing that Izzy is beating herself up more than I ever could. Plus my mind is too busy to really commit.

Izzy pulls her phone out and begins clacking at it, typing faster that should be possible. Suddenly, she looks up at me, tears shining in her eyes.

"Jace… I am so sorry. I really, truly, genuinely didn't know. Please tell Clary that." And for the first time in several hours, I smile.

I stand and pull my little sister into a hug, feeling her shoulders shake as she allows herself to cry just the tiniest bit, clutching at the lapels of my jacket.

"It's going to be okay, Isabelle. We'll get her out of there and you can tell her yourself." I whisper to her. A few seconds pass in relative silence before Izzy draws away and squares her shoulders.

"You bet your arse, we'll get her out of there." She affirms, sounding strong and resilient. "You love that girl, Jace. That makes her family. And we don't turn our back on family." She nods once to herself, as if she's resetting her previous thoughts towards Clary into entirely positive thoughts. "I'll call Cat."

And with that, Izzy leaves the room. Breathing out a long sigh, I rub the back of my neck and sit back down on my bed.

"Hey Jace?" Alec asks quietly. I jump a bit, having entirely forgotten he was here.

"Yeah?"

"You couldn't have organised a rescue mission _after_ Magnus and I had finished in the bedroom?"

I let out a chuckle, before we continue to plan tomorrow.

* * *

Clary's POV

I walk as silently as I can down the stairs towards the front door. I hold my backpack in front of me, not wanting to turn and bump something, alerting the household.

I get to the bottom of the stairs, breathing slowly and evenly through my nose, not wanting to accelerate my heartbeat and panic, knowing that if I panic, I will begin to make noise. I check around every corner, placing my feet carefully so as not to make the hardwood floorboards creak.

I walk into the hall and realise it was all for nothing.

My father stands in front of the door, his eyes manic and crazed, standing like a horrible statue guarding the entrance to a gothic monument.

"I knew it." He growls menacingly, beginning to walk towards me slowly, like a jaguar stalking its prey. "I knew you would betray this family. I knew you were just like your brother! I _knew it_!" With each sentence, his voice gets louder, more demented and he continues to move towards me.

He moves within a few feet of me and I start retreating, trying to figure out how to get to the door. I try to move into the lounge-room, thinking I can work my way around him, go in a circle and then sneak out the door, but he seems to have figured out that route of escape, smiling like a cat as I move into the lounge-room.

Confused, I look around me. Everything appears normal but when I look back at Dad, he is grinning with glee.

I look harder.

My stomach drops and the world seems to stop.

A widening pool of blood is forming behind the couch.

I run behind the couch, and see my mother, lying in a puddle of her own blood, a kitchen knife in her right hand.

There is blood _everywhere_. On her face, her legs, her arms, her hands, in her hair, all over her chest, her throat.

How didn't I hear this? When did this happen?

" _MUM_!" I scream, grabbing the kitchen knife from her slack hand and throwing it across the room, trying to find the source of the blood.

She's covered in cuts, everywhere. Some are just little scratches, some are atrociously deep. I rip off my scarf and try to stop the bleeding on her leg, where blood seems to be squirting from what I can only imagine is an artery.

" _MUM_!" I try again, knotting my scarf around her leg and trying to turn it into a tourniquet.

Blindly, I rip her shirt open, trying to rip it into pieces to wrap around her arms, her throat, and pushing into a wound on her chest.

" _MUMMY_!" I roar.

Finally, she moans and opens her eyes just the tiniest bit- but it's enough. I shriek and hold her head in my lap, trying to get her to talk to me, just say something, _anything_ , but she's too far gone, and her eyes close.

" _NO, Mummy, PLEASE_! _What did you DO_?!" I scream at my father.

I look up at him, tears rolling down my cheeks, my hands and arms and clothes covered and reeking in my mother's blood.

 _He is inspecting his nails_!

"She said she was going to leave me." He tells me nonchalantly, like we're discussing this over coffee and not the _almost-corpse of my mother_! "Like I'd let that happen. I mean, honestly, did she think she would get away with that?" Suddenly, his entire demeanour changes and he looks like he's going to kill me.

I wouldn't be surprised if that was his plan.

"Once a Morgenstern, always a Morgenstern. And Morgenstern's belong in this house."

My father starts towards me again, and I realise he has got the knife I threw across the room. He raises it, smiling like a clown.

My breathing stops and I stare at him in terror, knowing I need to run but unwilling to leave my mother. Dad pauses for a moment, cocking his head at me like a bird. Finally, he takes a breath in.

"Better run, little rabbit." He taunts.

And so I do.

* * *

Jace's POV

Clary is late.

I pace in front of Taki's, looking over at Alec's Honda, just to make sure they are all there, once again, and then I look down the road to check if I can see Clary.

The sky above me is cloudy and dark, reflecting how I'm feeling at the moment.

 _She's just late_. I tell myself, feeling like an idiot for being this anxious.

But I truly feel like something is wrong.

Something is terribly, horribly wrong.

By the looks on Izzy, Alec, Cat and Magnus' face, they think so too.

The phone in my hand starts to vibrate. I check the caller ID and breathe a sigh of relief.

"Clary!" I greet happily.

"Jace, you have to help me!" Clary screams into the phone. "I think he killed my mother! Jace, he has a knife! Help me!"

"Clary, where are you?!" I yell, starting to sprint towards the car. Alec starts the engine and puts the car into drive. I quickly open the door and get in the car. "What's the address Clary?! Where are you?!"

Clary screams the address into the phone so loud I don't even have to relay it to Alec. He pulls a mad u-turn and starts barrelling down the street, honking the horn at every car.

"Jace, please help me!" Clary continues to scream, and I can hear the plain terror in her voice. My own eyes fill with tears and I know this could be it; this could be the last time…

"Talk to her Jace! We're three minutes away, max!" Alec instructs.

Magnus looks like he wants to take the phone off me, Cat is quickly checking over her medical supplies and Izzy is frantically talking into her phone, and I realise she's called 911.

"We're almost there, I promise, it's going to be okay, we'll get you."

"Jace I'm scared. Please, please help me." Clary whispers into the phone.

She's crying. She's calling out for me. And I'm not there.

"Alec, step on it!" I scream. "Clary, where are you? Where are you now?"

"I'm in my room… on the second floor. Jace, he's coming for me. I can hear him." Her breathing is shallow and harsh, her voice crackling like static on the radio. "Jace, I think I'm going to die."

"You're not going to die! Sweetheart, you're not going to die. I'm almost there." Alec is driving slower now, trying to find the right number of the house. I bounce in my seat, needing to get to her.

"Jace… I love you. If I never say anything else, if I die today… I need you to know that I love you." I hear a crashing noise, and Clary shrieks, and the line goes dead.

"Clary! _CLARY_!" I scream into the phone, just as Alec pulls up to the curb of Clary's house.

Everyone piles out the car, getting in my way as I try to race forward. Magnus opens the front door, sprinting in.

"Let me through!" I yell, pushing in front of everybody and looking for the stairs leading to the second floor. " _CLARY_!"

* * *

 **A/N: I warned you! I'm sorry, I know this isn't... pretty... but again, it just happened.**

 **A/N: Anyway, so here is where I set up the 'alternate ending' thing. After this, there will be three or four different end chapters/ epilogues and then I will be needing you guys to let me know what you think of each one and which one is best.**

 **A/N: I'm sorry if it is too graphic or just generally too much for anybody, but I would still greatly appreciate your feedback.**

 **A/N: I love you's all! My darling sweet potatoes!**

 **Have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

 **Love Stormy xx**


	24. Let Me Find You

**Disclaimer: I am not Cassie Clare and do not own The Mortal Instruments nor any of the characters in this story.**

 **A/N: Hi everybody! So, here you go. Don't really know what to say here, bit stumped. But either way, I hope you like this chapter, it's a little different to my usual and much shorter.**

 **A/N: Thank you to:**

PearlOfWisdom, KitanaWinchesterFray, SociallyAwkwardFangirl1, doranelle248, LED89, StillLostinaFairytale, Mhope94, JuliaT1211, VioletRue, forblue, Captin hook 22, lolo0304, AFourAddict, PetiteMia, PiperRose21, country96chick, RubyTheBookworm, Chelle Marie Dupper, Mav16, EmzLun, Willberforce1168, Spar3chang3, thelilcrazygirl, Abdf **and** Cherish Eaton **for following,**

PearlOfWisdom, KitanaWinchesterFray doranelle248, LED89, StillLostinaFairytale, Esisneros49, tsundoku, JuliaT1211, Captin Hook 22, CloeClaire, PetiteMia, Sophiew0311, country96chick, ficfinatic, Chelle Marie Dupper, Mav16, EmzLun, thelilcrazygirl, Abdf, elenaroseivashkov **and** Cherish Eaton **for favouriting,**

 **And** PearlOfWisdom **(X2)** , doranelle248, glitterangel1, WeArentLost-Yet, Peaches077 **(X3)** , **Guest** , OurLittleInfinity3, CloeClaire, **Guest** , AFourAddict **(X15- holy goodness, thank you!)** , berbertjex, Mav16, Abbigail Tobin **(X2 Guest)** , **Guest** , **and** **Guest for reviewing. I really appreciate all of your support and encouragement, for both this story and my various dramas I've had since I started posting this story.**

 **As I mentioned, this chapter is a bit different to previous chapters. I was trying something, but I'm unsure about it so let me know what you think.**

 **I hope to get the next chapter up sooner.**

 **Enjoy, have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

* * *

Clary's POV

I can't breathe.

I can't move.

Swimming in blackness.

No time passes.

All time passes.

There is nothing.

I am nothing.

Jace's POV

They won't let me in to see her: 'Family only'.

I try to tell them that she doesn't have anybody.

Magnus tells them it is useless to call her brother.

Catarina tells them that we're the only family she has.

Alec tries to hold onto Izzy as she goes charging at a security guard.

Still they won't let me in.

Clary could die.

I am numb.

Clary's POV

Mumblings and utterings enter my consciousness.

Concerned voices echo above me.

I can't make out the words.

I claw at the blackness, trying to break through.

I am sucked in even more.

My head aches as I try to find my hands.

My chest aches as I try to fill my lungs.

The voices begin to fade.

I try to follow them.

I fall into nothingness again.

Jace's POV

Simon arrives.

Izzy runs to him.

Will and Tessa and Jem arrive.

Ragnor arrives.

He and Magnus cry together on the floor while Alec tries to comfort both of them.

People try to talk to me.

I can't reply.

I am numb.

Clary's POV

I feel people's hands on my body, moving my limbs.

I have no control.

I know it is painful.

I don't feel the pain.

I am trapped in my head.

Unable to speak.

Unable to move.

Unable to cry.

Nothingness overwhelms me again.

Jace's POV

Clary could die.

They won't let me in to see her.

I am not family.

I am all she has.

She is all I have.

She is out of surgery.

She hasn't woken up yet.

That is all they can tell me.

I am numb.

Clary's POV

I hear them, telling me I can wake up now.

Everything is okay.

I am safe.

I am strong.

I will make it.

Open my eyes.

I can't find my eyes.

I am lost.

I am trapped.

I am alone.

Where is Jace?

Nothingness is all I have.

Jace's POV

It is getting dark outside.

More people arrive.

A man I don't know.

A woman I don't know.

Magnus yells at the man.

Alec and Ragnor drag Magnus away.

The man speaks to doctors and nurses.

He and the woman are allowed in to see her.

I try to follow.

They won't let me in.

Clary could die.

They won't let me see her.

I am numb.

Clary's POV

Voices above me again.

A familiar voice and a stranger's voice.

It's not your fault.

I should have got her out of there.

You weren't to know it would get this bad.

Jonathan?

I try to move again, try to reach up and hold him close.

My brother is here.

Clary?

Clary, please wake up.

I'm here, Jonathan.

Don't leave me again.

I can't find you in the dark.

Jonathan, where are you?

Clary, I need you to wake up.

I'm trying.

Clary, everyone is here.

They're all waiting for you.

Where are they?

Help me!

You need to wake up and meet your niece.

I can't!

Help me!

We're having a girl, Clary.

Help me!

You need to wake up and teach her how to draw and dance.

Help me!

Jonathan, I can't find you!

All that girly stuff I don't know how to do.

Jonathan, where are you?

This is Seelie. You need to meet her too, Clary.

Help me!

It's nice to meet you Clary.

I've heard a lot about you.

I want to meet both of them!

Help me, Jonathan!

Clary-

No!

Don't cry, Jon.

Let me find you!

Clary, please wake up.

I'm trying!

Help me!

Get me away from the nothingness!

Jace's POV

The man and woman come out from seeing Clary.

The man has been crying.

The woman holds him up.

No.

Please no!

Magnus talks to him.

I hear mumbles, forceful mumbles.

We have to see her.

I don't know who these people are.

Without these people, your sister would be dead, and so would your mother!

Magnus, I just don't-

Jonathan, please!

They won't tell us anything.

Clary is our sister, too.

You left, Jonathan.

You don't know her like we do.

Not anymore.

A pause.

A hopeful pause.

I'll talk to the doctor.

Thank you, Jonathan.

You must be Seelie.

* * *

They will let me in to see her. Feeling starts to come back.

My brother and sister wait impatiently outside her door, along with our friends. Ragnor looks broken and scared, running his hands through his hair every few seconds.

A nurse stands in front of us, telling us that Clary is very badly injured. This will be confronting.

But she is in the best hands. It looks like she will make a complete recovery.

Simon asks more questions, wanting to know what happened in the surgery, what will be the long term ramifications. I just want to see her.

She may have some brain damage- she sustained some head injuries and she only just started breathing for herself again, after her collapsed lung was reinflated.

Catarina starts doctor-speaking. What about her blood-oxygen levels and heartbeat?

Her vital signs look good, her heartbeat is strong. During surgery, she did have a cardiac arrest but she was brought back almost immediately.

A cardiac arrest? She _died_?! Ragnor yells.

My head spins with this new information. I could have lost her.

Her injuries were extensive. She lost a lot of blood and broke a lot of bones, along with a quite severe head injury and collapsed lung.

It will take a lot of time for her to recover. But the important thing is: She _will_ recover.

Are we ready to see her?

We all murmur, trying to get in as quickly as possible. We huddle around the bed.

She looks so small. But she's alive.

She just needs to wake up.

* * *

"Jace, come on, we have to go." Alec tells me.

His voice is loud in this tiny room. I sit in an uncomfortable chair facing Clary's hospital bed; the same chair I have been sitting in for the last ninety-four minutes.

Outside the windows I can see that it's very late. Visiting hours have been announced as over.

But I can't leave. I can't find it in me to leave.

My head is swirling, filling with fears and doubts. No matter what I do, I can't turn my brain off.

I wish I could.

I wish I could go back to the numbness. I wish I could just sit here and watch her, wait for her to come back to me.

But instead my mind whirls about, coming up with all kinds of alternatives and thoughts that terrify me.

I can't let any of those alternatives happen.

I need to stay here.

I need to be here when she wakes up.

She needs to wake up.

"Go on home, Alec. Be there for Magnus. I can't leave yet." I reply, on autopilot. I don't even look at him, though I know he's watching me with concern.

"Jace, you're not allowed to stay here." My brother warns me. "The matron will be here soon. You'll have to go or they'll force you out."

"I can't leave her yet. She needs me."

"She's got the best doctors in the city looking after her, Jace."

"I don't mean that, Alec. I know I can't fix her." I finally look at my brother. I notice that he looks awful- tired and frazzled and worried, bags under his eyes and his hair unkempt. "When she wakes up, she'll- she'll be in an unfamiliar place with people she doesn't know and… she should have people around her who love her. She shouldn't be alone. Not now."

A few seconds passes in silence. Alec keeps his eyes on me, but mine drift back to Clary's face, watching for any sign of awakening.

"I'll have my phone on me." Alec finally gives in. "And so will Magnus and… everyone. If she wakes up or… just call, okay?" I try to smile at my big brother, but it comes out more like a grimace. I nod quickly.

"Yeah, for sure."

"And when the matron comes and asks you to leave just… do it, okay? Don't get in trouble, Jace."

"You know me, Alec. When have I ever got in trouble?"

Alec leaves, his hand grazing my shoulder on the way out, offering support.

I look down at Clary, so small on the bed.

Beeps from all the various monitors set up around her head echo through the room. Suddenly feeling suffocated by the almost-silence, I start tapping my fingers on my thighs, looking down at my lap for a moment before gazing back at her.

She's covered in bandages and drip lines. Her skin is paler than usual, almost as white as the scratchy hospital bedsheets. The temperature in the room seems abnormally warm and dry.

I stand and move over to one of the benches, pouring myself some water into one of the plastic cups a nurse brought by when we all came in.

I sit back down on my chair, leaning my elbows on my knees.

A few minutes goes by, the beeps continue and I sip my water.

"Clary… I'm so sorry." I say- to fill the silence more than anything else. But then once I start speaking, I can't stop. "I'm sorry I didn't get there in time. I'm sorry I didn't get you out of there sooner. I'm sorry I didn't stop him hurting you.

"He's in a cell now, awaiting trial. He can't hurt you anymore. Maybe you're scared he can. Maybe that's why you're not waking up." Tears fill my eyes and my voice cracks as I continue to babble.

"Please wake up, sweetheart. I need you to wake up. Every time it's silent, I can still hear you screaming into the phone. You sounded so scared." I allow myself to let out a sob, hearing her terrified wails resonate through my head. "But you also said that you love me. Do you remember that?

"Clary, I need you to wake up. Because I love you too. And I need to tell you that." I take her hand, kissing her fingers gently, willing her to open her eyes and look at me.

"Please come back to me."

* * *

 **A/N: Sorry for leaving it there. I am having a super ridiculous amount of anxiety about this chapter because it is so different to my usual and I'm not sure if it worked. Please review and let me know.**

 **A/N: I'll leave you guys to it.**

 **Have fun, say hi, REVIEWW!**

 **Love, Dark Lady (I'll stop signing off as Stormy, but screw it, I'm not changing my penname because of that orange wanker and his slightly sickening and extremely hilarious sex life)**

 **Cheers.**


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